a home for happiness

a song calls out in the winter's night, but to no avail
for a lad cries deeply, his tears turning to ice as they fall
he knows not love nor joy, but only true sorrow and pain
he cannot experience life as the others are more than able

the boy settles into the comfort of his own nightmare
he knows his fate, his true feelings and his own wants
choose he did not his own suffering, but they are still his
and for his lifetime, his own personality will torment him

doctors, scientists, and clergymen all try to fix him
but their potions cannot provide a salve for his wounds
for they are eternal, as the markings in the great lamb's book
and his markings will be with him throughout the ages

what happiness does this boy have, what dreams can survive?
do his own aspirations and desires die with the holy flame?
when will he know to step forward, back, up, down, or aside?
how can he know, when the realities of life torment him so?

something lighter

there is a certain dream to which i cling
it speaks of calm, cool, and clouds
if only i could jump into it head first
but alas my earthly dwelling keeps me

were i able to run the race slightly faster
i might arrive to my new utopia early
my thoughts frequently cherish this thought
but alas my earthly dweeling keeps me

for now i shall stay, quiet, sometimes loud
and i will keep watch of my surroundings
minding my balance, agility, and footwork
while my earthly dwelling keeps me

a good bit of trash to sort through...

http://www.time.com/time/personoftheyear/2005/people/

honestly, it's hilarious what objective journalism means today. this piece above is great. see if you can find the obvious hidden point of this piece. it is entitled, "people who mattered 2005."

time magazine is trash anyways, but i did get a kick in reading their little tidbits about the people who "mattered." the usual can be expected: liberals and bush haters were glorified; anyone associated with republicans, well you know what happened to them. i am not saying that these people did not matter, but it was in the write ups about them that the editor's true biased feelings came out. what surprised me the most is that the editor had more positive things to say about iran's anti-semitic president who has been threatening the use of nuclear arms than he did about George W Bush. i can understand people's dislike for our president, but come on, he is not out there saying hateful things about anyone. no one here would let him get away with that. he is not threatening the world with nuclear arms like a little child throwing a tantrum. wake up people, and stop playing the fool.

just a side note here. the time will come when lines will again be drawn against israel and jews in general. where will you stand? i tell you, that i shall not call friend anyone who does not stand in solidarity with israel. i will not even have to think about it. it is a problem that is escalating and i will be intolerant of it.

what has the world come to? are people so blind? yes, yes indeed they are. it is so simple, but people do not want to see things for what they really are (right and wrong), especially when it will call into question the morality of their lifestyle. pride is an awful thing.

pretending the feds eavesdropping was a secret...

congrats america! you have won the title of ignoramus... whoever of you that is actually did not have some idea about the feds eavesdropping on emails, etc. we knew about that years ago, it is old news. of course now it is simply another tirade against bush to try to destroy him, though he is leaving already in 2008! that is why i think the democrats and liberals in this nation who are partied to that kind of behavior to be foolish. they are trying to stop a horse that is at the end of the race, and if they would wake up they would realize the horse has already won.

an enormous election took place in iraq these last days, but you will not hear about that on any of news corporation owned television stations, which are all of the television stations! if you took a poll today (and one was just recently taken) in iraq, it would reflect an overwhelming positive attitude about what america did in that country. sure, you will have the minority angry voice (which by the way is the same voice that made saddam president of iraq in the first place :) but the largest voice of the people is their vote, and iraqis have voted for freedom.

these things do not matter to those who are trying to see to it that our nation self-destructs. they would rather see that happen so they could blame bush than see a safe nation with a president with whom they might not agree. they are unable to deal with these things with reason. they are immature. not logical. ignoramuses.

by the way, any of you who feel supremely violated that the feds have been "spying" on you should read the patriot act. many times, people do not actually read the bills which have been passed, which causes them to make ignorant statements about later upsets such as this one. while you are at it, you should take another look at the constitution and the bill of rights.

you think you have seen me angry...

people, including myself, do not think before they speak
too often words are spent as if they cost nothing originally
words are in fact precious, and should be used carefully

i know too well the damaging effect of words
whether i have been the attacker or have been myself afflicted
i know the carnage the tongue wreaks upon human beings

as this person that no earthly body truly knows
i can say words have tarnished me, eroded my soul
silently i have let the lexis reach deep into my heart
ripping to shreds all decency and humanity
i watch quietly as the hostilities occur

patiently, i let my spirits falter, die before my eyes
then i watch any hope i had, slip away into the dark
painfully seeking out new shelter, only to find none
my lifeblood thickens, it does not reach all my limbs
from there i find peace in letting myself go, the light cometh

but i still wonder what dreams might have come

what do you think?

you do not know
you do not know me
you cannot possibly know

do not think that for one moment you know
you are pompous to think so

what passes through your eyes as simple
treads heavily on my soul, indefinitely
and you cannot possibly know

i will never forsake the bonds of true friendship
i do not care what others will say, gossip
for i know who has been there, who will be there
and who will not

as these frustrations mount, i can only think of one place
high up in the mountains i wish i could be, far from this
i long to be with company, yet i long to be alone
those who smirk at my ire are ruthless
heartless beings that matter none to me, eternity
their cruelty catches me not, i fly onward

brash you may call me, but then you have not called
so stuff your nonsensicalness and be through with me
for i was long before finished with you

i digress, i come to the end of this rant
it sounds angry i know, but it is laced with certain truth
i will go on, with or without, i will go, though i might fall
i will indeed fly before the end, i tell you, i will fly

jacob marley are you there?

the countenances of the saints brood quietly over me
i know not who is there, save some peaceful specter
i look for reason for purpose but there can be none
in this realm of the mysterious, i know only a vanilla world

so these wraiths around me are watching, waiting
but for what? my curiosity kills neither i nor them
my eyes are tired; i cannot close them for they are dry
with the ceaseless petitions of the visual universe

surely no vessel can pass through here
for the tears that once flowed here have faded
tis such a lot of the worst, a deep sadness of heart
for through emotion flowed life; heart and soul

david is dead, jonathan... or are you?

expectations in those closest to you set with the sun
as time goes by, no one remembers save for yourself
everyone forgets before your very eyes
they change their mind, they split away, they ignore
you scream and yell to bring them back
yet they keep on moving further and further away
you love and lose and love again
only to lose the final battle, a final blow to the head

alliances made, allies lost; no one lives forever
jonathan waited only to die, now david is alone
what is there left after all is said and gone
but a white flag, tattered and small, waiving
pain left long before, as the numbing set in
for to hurt was to feel, and feeling was the first to go
there are no more mountains to climb
there are no more rivers to cross

i remain ten years of age, no matter what i try
i see things the way i did then, loyalty is still first
i watch as those who once stood beside me divert
i know nothing will remain forever
but where did my david go, for our time was cut short
i thought i still had so much to learn, to glean
my humanness only complicates matters more
for i see things in a childish manner, a lens of loyalty

i once ventured down a stream,
but i like a salmon made the rigorous journey home
i was gone for a little while, but was it really that long
from my child like perspective it was a fleeting moment
bonds are broken faster than they are made
sarcasm and cynicism are more common than love
a sick sense of humor has perverted the air
and i am suffocating on the ignorance of others

i unlike the rest fail to despair, i decide to be happy
i am told, i do not know the difficulties of life
but i assure you i have earned my grey hairs
oh no, i am not invincible, i shall perish some day
i however have chosen to remain on the path of bonds
whether those who were originally contracted remain
for i cannot forsake such ties, what i thought to be real
but i cannot condemn either, as i am also human

my reality is made evermore clear to me daily
it seems as though providence is giving me a glimpse
people have been such a motivating force in decisions
and i suppose that they shall continue to be
beauty has been another factor i will admit
and i fear i have not chosen it enough times
my earth craving soul has spoken out, though
and i would do well to pay attention to that calling

the matrix is more real than ever before
apparitions of people are moved in and out of my view
computerized personalities come in and out of my life
for when the time counts, the cold air is my companion
of course there is providence who remains
but i sense a sadness in the presence
for a great commandment is spat upon daily
by a mass of spirits entrusted to live out a human life

finally, peace is a spiritual matter of integrity
that is to say it is not some physical presence of an idea
the word has been hijacked, corrupted beyond measure
it is a travesty, the selfishness that people now embrace
how dare anyone criticize anyone but themselves
for the lack of what they think of as peace on earth
i wonder how providence might look upon their lives
both past and present and future for that matter

with all of this said, i am still surrounded by people
wonderful people who love, but the number shrinks
to coin a phrase, i am a big fish in a small pond
and i will venture out from this place someday
relationships seem to come and go with the wind
but the bonds of covenant are strong
i now go back into the world, to show love
with providence as my guide, my covenant

A Tribute...

This mass of unorganized thought is all I can offer...

Here is a tribute to a man who I did not have the pleasure of knowing. At least personally, for I have been introduced to his spirit through others.

Through a man named Luke, I have met a great teacher and friend. I pray the blessings of peace and comfort from the Almighty upon all who have been touched by this man who has departed us. I recall something that I wrote when my high school Bible teacher was killed last January...

Oh teacher, time was stolen from you and yours
Your heart was quieted before its time
Tho' I know that the Father has called you home
Farewell to thee, oh blessed man who loved

I am shocked by the applicability that this has to the current tragedy. My heart hurts for my hurting friends, especially dear Luke. I am thankful, though, that I have come to know this departed man's kindness and love. Everything that I have heard about him has been made manifest within our loving brother Luke. He lives a legacy of his father's goodness through his own. My heart cries for you, my brother, and I am sincerely praying for your and your family's peace and comfort. May the God of Peace which passes all understanding surround your hearts with comfort. I leave you with this prayer:

God, hear my prayer,
And let my cry come to You.
Do not hide from me in the day of my distress
Turn to me and speedily answer my prayer.
Eternal God, Source of healing,
Out of my distress I call upon You.
Help me sense Your presence
At this difficult time.
Grant me patience when the hours are heavy;
In hurt or disappointment give me courage.
Keep me trustful in Your love.
Give me strength for today, and hope for tomorrow.
To your loving hands I commit my spirit
When asleep and when awake. You are with me; I shall not fear.

loyalties lost...

as i am reading a favorite book of mine, i find myself thinking much about the society in which we live. it is my belief that we now find ourselves in a time in which the human bonds of old no longer reside. let me expand. in ancient times, it was considered a great honor to come and dine at another's table. when a man invited his neighbor to dinner, it was considered to be a great honor and a mark of friendship. from then on, they would have a relationship which was built upon trust and honor. so out of obligation, the two would then continue life while still being concerned for each other.

i fear that we have lost these bonds today. in the present day, 'tis no matter if the bonds of friendship are broken. one can simply cease to acknowledge his former bond with a friend, and people silently part to go their separate ways. what a pity. the least that could happen if the two were about to part is a final handshake or acknowledgement of the parting, but to simply cower out of the relationship is plain stupid. unfortunately these mangled things we call friendships today represent the society in which we live: non-committal, superficial, and very temporary.

why has this happened? well, i tend to think it is because we no longer need people, or god for that matter. we have so much stuff to satisfy our needs of loneliness that we could certainly replace any friend, family member, or god with a number of gizmos and gadgets that could take our cares away. all hail the ipod, a refuge for many. some might disagree with my opinion so far, but i will offer some evidence that i think suggests that i am right.

in the past twenty-five years, playing cards as a social activity is down 25 percent (Putnam, Bowling Alone, 102-5). Going to bars, nightclubs, and taverns is down 40 percent (101). Full service restaurants have decreased 25 percent, and the number of bars (including coffee) and bistros has decreased 50 percent, but fast food outlets have increased 100 percent (102). Having a social evening with an actual neighbor is down 33 percent (105). Attendance at social clubs and meetings (such as B.P.O. Elks, Shriners, etc.) is down 58 percent (www.bowlingalone.com). Family dinners are down by 33 percent (Putnam, Bowling Alone, 98, 100, 102-5). Having friends over to one's home is down by 45 percent (www.bowlingalone.com). in the period ranging from 1980 to 1993, bowling was actually up 10 percent, but the number of bowling leagues decreased 40 percent, as people now prefer to bowl alone (Putnam, Bowling Alone, 112-13).

the above statistics are mentioned in mark driscoll's the radical reformission. what these stats show is that america prefers to be alone. nobody wants to be around others anymore. no one wants to put effort or emotion into his relationships. so america doesn't need friends. we certainly don't need family. why then do we need god? we don't. we don't need him, or anything he has to offer. the songs on our ipod do not require anything from us, and we can get lost in the free emotion that the songs give to us. we don't have to put anything in. we live in such an experiential service based society, that all of our needs (physical, mental, and spiritual) can be met in a starbucks! we don't have to grow the beans, we don't have to harvest the beans, we don't have to brew the coffee, we don't have to serve ourselves, and we don't have to own nice leather furniture surrounded by a bright inspiring environment with cute little tables and rich aromas and great music. we can now order up that scene where person is sitting by the fire with a glass of wine and a good book and a nice blanket while we are on our lunch break from work!

i wish things were different. i wish that we had to put some work into the products we receive. i wish we actually had to visit the grocer and speak to him to let him know that we need to order an extra gallon of milk next week. i wish that we actually had to get off our lazy asses and go visit a friend rather than give an unimpressive courtesy call. i wish that we actually had to speak to god, rather than rely on our church experience to take care of that little issue. granted i am thankful for myspace, as it has reunited me with some old friends, but i do not want it to replace my lines of physical communication with my friends and family. a myspace message can never do justice to a handwritten letter that has carefully been passed by the hands of many to reach its recipient. technology has invaded our society and yes, there are many benefits to it.

i guess the point i am trying to make in all of this is that we don't need each other anymore. we don't need each other because we can get therapy or we can get help from support groups, which only exist because people do not have personal relationships anymore. alcoholics anonymous. can i say any more? even the support groups are on a need to know basis, and they don't want all of your personal information. they just want to address your problem so they can fix it, and send you on your merry way! we need to get personal, people. the church is dying if you haven't noticed and if you don't think that this new desire to be alone at home (where one can have his own church and his own relationship with god, etc....) is not going to make things worse in the coming years, you need to think again. i am not pleading for the church. i am not pleading for me. i am pleading for the sake of humanity that we follow the second most important commandment! how are we to love others if we don't need to be around them, or if we are simply not going to be around them? if we love christ, then we need to show that we love christ to someone other than our ipods. i’m not dogging ipods either, don't get sidetracked by that, i am simply making a point.

i need to wrap this up. in the coming days, i am going to try to live like someone who wants and needs others. i am not going to try to establish myself as the person who is just fine being alone. i am not going to be that great achiever who forsook his friends for success. rather, i am going to show people that i want and need them. i am going to show them that i am here for them as well, and they could use me. i am going to show true friendship, and i will build those true friendships with those who accept it. i am going to surround myself with those who think similarly; because the only way this will work is if those around me do the same. someday, i hope to see a true community that reflects true love. i suppose i could be wrong on all of this. i suppose that we could be built to survive by ourselves, not needing others. i suppose that we could have evolved into a culture that does not need anything from anyone, so long as it is not a good or service that will immediately satisfy. i could be wrong. but if i am, then i am going down in flames because i am going to invest fully in this, and i will not turn back. if the africans are sending missionaries to america because we are in such spiritual dilemma, then the least i can do is sign up to help them. there it is. the ships are burning and there is no turning back for me. i need you, people, and i think you need me. that is not a bad thing, but it is what god intended. let's do something about it.

thoughts during homework...

whereas providence has led me to this point
i have still been allowed to pursue life freely
tho i choose not that which is new, surprising,
i still choose freely and without reserve
perhaps i should have more reserve in decisions
but i suppose that my ponerance here already exemplifies
i cannot know which path will lead to utopia
i can rather trust that utopia is not found without providence

we exist in this world...

so we exist in this world
to experience? to live? to learn? to love?
it seems so superficial sometimes
but i trust that someday i might see the point
but what is there besides love
what can exist besides the basis for human existence?
i know not the answerbut i fear it lies in the heart of experience
at what point do we cave to life?
when do we make a conscious effort to realize
that we can do nothing for ourselves
only providence and other loves can truly affect us
mind boggling this seems
almost too philosophically elite
but i have made an honest observation
that love is the cornerstone, yet it is also a crux

news or twinkies...

blah blah blah... i am sure you have had enough (as have i). who cares, right? after all, nothing matters because there is no truth. everyone is right and everyone is wrong... then why does the media drag it out so? if they are the ones spearheading this existentialist movement, why would they seem to care? ah, now we have arrived at the million dollar question! and it really does have to do with millions of dollars. i do not care from where you get your "news" but i have news for you--it's not real. that is, news today is a product, marketed like twinkies to appeal to the public. the public will not buy the wholesome story of the johnsons saving their neighbors home in the hurricane, but rather the public (mob) wants death! give us gore and give us more! just like rome, we want to see someone slashed beyond recognition! oh the blood, the carnage, it gives me an appetite! who is selling you your news today? how has it been marketed to appeal to you? what has appealed to you? if you cannot come to this realization of this FACT (oh yes, that's right, an absolute--be very scared) then you are blind and i pity your ignorance. news companies own the networks, people! they own the tv shows you love! so, in turn, they sell commercials to be able to air and make money off of their networks. it is really quite simple. news companies pay actors to make sitcoms, etc. for their networks in order to attract crowds to those networks. the advertiser invests based on how many people watch a given show, and then the news company gets their money. in the end, news is a product aimed for unsuspecting you! and for those of you who get your news from some supposedly unbiased or unconnected network or group, such as foxnews or some fringe muslim informative group, you are still stuck with bad news i'm afraid. your "unbiased" group is putting forth news with the idea that everyone else is wrong and that their perspective is correct. oops, there goes the objectivity again. it seems the only way to get your news is to experience it for yourself, or glean from everything (and by everything, i mean a cross cut of all newsgroups, fringe, right wing, left wing, actual transcripts, ap, etc...-not just all of the groups from one perspective) that is said in order to make a well informed decision. good luck on it either way, but know that people like me will call you out when you start professing a companies product as the ultimate truth. and speaking of truth, the existentialists out there should check out my last blog post. cheers.

a blessing

may still waters pass through your life
may storm winds turn from your direction
may the wild goose gently brush its feathers upon you
peace, peace, peace and grace

open the wound and the accusers shall fall...

i have received several responses to my last blogs about the hurricane subject, so i will continue on this path for a time. what we have seen here is a complete lack of anyone taking any personal responsibility for themselves in these last two weeks. for those of you out there who still blame bush for the world war II, slavery in the U.S., the shooting of Abe Lincoln, and every natural disaster that has ever occurred on our fair planet, let me assure you that you have gotten your way! we will have a full scale investigation into the "faults" and "irresponsibilities" of the hurricane disaster!!! Pres. Bush announced that we will have a committee to fully investigate all aspects of government involved in the issue! you might ask why i am happy about that... well friends, it is because pres. bush knows as well as all of us who actually do our own researching of facts, not just rhetoric, that the local governments in new orleans and in LA in general have been "cooking the books" on the monies that the fed government has been sending there for years. the same senators and congressmen have been serving there for years, so they will have to take responsibility for whatever is to come from the investigation. you will not be surprised to find that all of these folks are democrats, because who else would be pointing fingers on the day of a major disaster instead of figuring out how to rescue people. i say the fed government responded fast. two weeks and over 200k people saved, i think they are pretty happy don't you? what was the state doing to save its people? and don't say, "oh the poor state of LA couldn't help itself," because that is just plain ignorance. no, instead, like clockwork (and you can check this on the LA website and most major news sites right now) all of the mostly democratic districts are still in a state of chaos, whereas the republican districst were cleaning up on the first day because they actually implemented plans and neighbors helped neighbors and put personal effort into helping themselves. none of this is surprising. if the roof is caving in, would you sit on your butt and wait for the feds to rescue you? good luck, i like living personally.

in all, these "investigations" which of course every senator has been advocating after the fact (hindsight is always 20/15) will only show the incompetence of the state officials who are in charge of directing federally allocated funds to the levies. where did thoses monies go? millions of dollars not going to the levies but to other state projects? where? by the way, if you have a problem with any of these facts i am pushing, i will ask you to visit the FEMA website as well as the federal government spending logs of the past five years where you will find that of course George Bush has allocated more funds to LA's flood control systems than any other president! i love it, these days you can expect the real facts to be the polar opposite of what any liberal says. real integrity lost.

Some more thoughts on the hurricane...

This is LONDON06/09/05 - News section

Penn accuses Bush amid rescue chaos

The US government was accused of "criminal negligence" as hopes of finding survivors faded and the death toll from Hurricane Katrina continued to rise.Holidaymakers returning to the UK spoke of the scale of the misery while one said leering police officers demanded young women flash their breasts in return for help.Oscar-winning Hollywood actor Sean Penn, who has been assisting rescue efforts in New Orleans, said the US government did not "seem to be inclined to help"."We were pulling drowning people out of the water, it's the ultimate distress and human suffering ... dead bodies," he told GMTV.Penn said he had spent nine hours on Monday searching the water for people and during all that time he saw just three boats carrying US officials."There are people that are dying right now and I mean babies and old people and everybody in between - they're dying. There are people dying and (the US government are) not putting the boats in the water, I think that's criminal negligence. I don't think anybody ever anticipated the criminal negligence of the Bush administration in this situation."The US authorities were also castigated by British bus driver Ged Scott, from Wallasey, Merseyside, who was on holiday in the New Orleans area.He stayed in the Ramada Hotel during and after the devastation with his wife, Sandra, and seven-year-old son Ronan. At one stage, Mr Scott, 36, had to wade through filthy water to barricade the hotel doors against looters.He told the Liverpool Daily Post: "I couldn't describe how bad the authorities were. Just little things like taking photographs of us, as we are standing on the roof waving for help, for their own little snapshot albums."At one point, there were a load of girls on the roof of the hotel saying 'Can you help us?' and the policemen said 'Show us what you've got' and made signs for them to lift their T-shirts. When the girls refused, they said 'Fine' and motored off down the road in their boat."

---END---

--Right, and Jeff Spicoli is the acting voice of what is criminal... that is laughable. also, i guess these days the only way to boost your movie career or your celebrity is to attack someone else or something else and "get noticed" for your "humble" acts of goodness. mr. penn needs to stop pretending he's an educated man because he makes those of us who have worked hard on our education and who have spent our limited dollars on our education look stupid and arrogant. does he know what the word "criminal" means? in fact, i would venture to say that mr. penn has probably done several things in his life deserving of jail time, with regard to the ACTUAL law! this bush hating is so annoying. i don't like everything he does, but then he's human, so of course he is not perfect. but i get so sick of people hijacking an issue (like the hurricane) and then prostituting themselves all over the media with a huge hate hate hate agenda. well, abc news this last weekend proved that we as america don't care what celbrities hate or who. in fact, even the news media has not been able to place the blame of bad weather on gw, which they should have easily been able to do since we know that gw hates black people and asked God to send down his fire on the black part of new orleans. i guess that means we better fear gw rather than hate him, since he is, you know, the right hand of God? laughable at most. all laughable.

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++NY

Times Blasts New Orleans flood control
$$$The Corner-Media Blog ^ 9/2/05 Stephen Spruiell
Posted on 09/02/2005 6:53:59 PM PDT by chiller

Yesterday the New York Times editorial board wrote a fire-breathing editorial that for almost 24 hours ranked as the "most-discussed story" on Technorati and the "most e-mailed article" on nytimes.com. The board wrote that "George W. Bush gave one of the worst speeches of his life yesterday." Instead of "consolation and wisdom," the President offered "a long laundry list of pounds of ice, generators and blankets delivered to the stricken Gulf Coast." The board went on to offer a long laundry list of angry accusations. The editorial board doubted that Bush "understood the depth of the current crisis" — unlike the wizened board, which had been following the crisis on CNN. The editorial built up to this penultimate paragraph: While our attention must now be on the Gulf Coast's most immediate needs, the nation will soon ask why New Orleans's levees remained so inadequate. Publications from the local newspaper to National Geographic have fulminated about the bad state of flood protection in this beloved city, which is below sea level. Why were developers permitted to destroy wetlands and barrier islands that could have held back the hurricane's surge? Why was Congress, before it wandered off to vacation, engaged in slashing the budget for correcting some of the gaping holes in the area's flood protection? Good question. Maybe because Congress listened to the NY Times editorial board in April of 2005: Anyone who cares about responsible budgeting and the health of America's rivers and wetlands should pay attention to a bill now before the Senate Committee on Environment and Public Works. The bill would shovel $17 billion at the Army Corps of Engineers for flood control and other water-related projects — this at a time when President Bush is asking for major cuts in Medicaid and other important domestic programs. Among these projects is a $2.7 billion boondoggle on the Mississippi River that has twice flunked inspection by the National Academy of Sciences... [snip]

---END---

--must i add to this or does it speak for the hypocrisy itself. the schizophrenic NY Times defeats itself in yet another foot and mouth story. Lesson: Elitests will not get the better of America.

A Call For Decency

Paul writes to us through two thousand years of church and world history. Christian love must be without hypocrisy. Pure love, not social love. Cleansed from self. Let God love through us. We must hate evil, not simply fearing the consequences. We must have a "family love" for others, all are our brother. None are strangers. Honor above thyself. The mark of true Christianity should be humility. Care for one another. Courage enough to say "I am sorry." Courage to profess being a follower of Christ. Our relationship with God depends on our talking to Him. Do not curse but correct with love that does not have an agenda.

...The above piece is a transcription of a combination of a recently professed sermon along with some great thoughts that followed the oration.

hurricane hissy fit...

i have a deep hurt and concern for the people affected by last week's hurricane. i do not, however, sympathize with any newscaster, newspaper, or any other media's effort in this matter. the media has gone completely crazy during this time and they are responsible for unwarranted anger popping up around the country.

last time i checked, we do not get what we want by throwing a fit. and last time i checked, people used to be grateful for a helping hand, they did not ask, "where the hell have you been?" i am so sick of stupid americans acting like it is the government's job to take care of them! it is not, read the constitution! protection is different from babying... also, for those of you who think bush is to blame for the hurricane, or that he is to blame because our forces are in iraq not new orleans, i will tell you to your face that you are ignorant and childish. if you are going to try and blame weather conditions on a man (for global warming or any other purposes) then you are living in a dream world! get it together and grow up! also, there are other cities in this nation. the federal government could send all of the national guard to new orleans at once, but then what would we do if some great tragedy happened in another city? all of you gripers out there would complain again that forces did not come fast enough!

the tsunami did so much more damage but we are going to hell and a hand basket over this hurricane thing because people can blame bush and bring up iraq again. i am so sick of hearing about it. get over it!!! god bless the hurricane victims, but god have mercy on the ones who defied the authority which tried to protect them and stayed behind and are now looting and pillaging. also, to those of you out there who are capitalizing on this as another venue to hate bush and the iraq war, may god have mercy on you too for your selfishness and stupidity. finally, i condemn the gasoline industry for not acting fairly in this matter and overcharging out of fear, not necessity (the gasoline industry profits greatly while everyone else has meager profits).

i know i come across as harsh in this piece, but no one else is voicing anything about the mistreatment, disrespect, and hatred being condoned by the american media for reasons unwarranted. i have known several people that have experienced extreme tragedy in their lives, and they at no time treated anyone as have some of the people of new orleans that the news has depicted. my friends all expressed gratefulness. hopefully, the news is just at it again to hate bush, etc. and hopefully they have just been abusing their power yet again to fabricate the truth. that is all i have to say on this matter. hopefully, future americans won't be as selfish as the generations before us are proving to be.

pompous arrogance...

so i have been frustrated about a speaker that i listened to a few days ago. he was one of those really "motivated" speakers--really charismatic, but very unorganized. he would jump from one point to another... it was almost as if he was trying to get all of his talking points in before they shut off his mic. what he had to say was alright. it was one of those classic morally motivational speeches that is used as a device to influence people to make good decisions. who am i kidding; his speech was trying to get people to not make bad decisions. he did not spend any time on making some great decisions like helping the homeless, talking to a friend, or expressing relentless kindness toward others. unfortunately, many evangelical speakers i have encountered are this way. he also quoted a verse out of the bible, using it completely out of its original context so that it would fit his own disheveled thesis. all in all, it was a painful time to sit through. i hope that some of my new friends who were also there do not take him too seriously, for he was full of confidence and haphazard semi-factual ideas yet he mentioned not one basic principle to display. i fear more and more that the evangelical world has distanced themselves too far from their anglican roots and apostolic succession. it is amazing how quickly bad theology can rear its ugly head.

tis a rareity that i post another's work in my own outlet,
but today, Joni Mitchell says it best...


"tears and fears and feeling proud
to say i love you right out loud
dreams and schemes and circus crowds
i've looked at life that way"


"oh, but now old friends, they're acting strange
and they shake their heads, and they tell me that i've changed
well something's lost, but something's gained
in living ev'ry day"


"oh, i've looked at life from both sides now
from win and lose, and still somehow
it's life's illusions i recall
i really don't know life
at all..."

love is just a game
it makes us simple fools
we play our cards and we wait
for ours to trump another's fate
passion tricks a heart of love
lovers trick each other too
happiness pursued in vain
is all this dreaming worth the pain

dreamer, dreamer how i love you
trust and place your hand in mine
dreamer, dreamer dream your best
we can only slow down time
trust and place your hand in mine

dream on, dream on dreamer
dreaming in your reverie
dream on, dream on dreamer
hope is in the dream

it is here, it is here
the day of my origin has arrived in full
i am now grown another full year
i am leaving awful twenty-two behind


thanks to my friends who are dear
both in the physical and in such places as this
for you are strengths for living
and life breath which sustains me


i shall progress through life, i guess
and with purpose shall i walk
for i despair in aimless wander
but delight in the peace of providence


it is here, it is here, it will be gone tomorrow
this time shall pass and time will move on with haste
but my memory, these words, these people, loved ones
preserved in the archives of passing moments for eternity


it shall be a happy birthday indeed

the time draws nigher
only one day now, until my new apex
oh the thought of twenty-three years
it does spoil the mood so


yet i will take this new path in strides
for i cannot pout and sulk
but rather i can purchase eye cream
and all the other wonders of youth

what little of life we have seen thusfar
for our eyes have only recently opened
but light filled the visual senses of my mind tonight
and it made beautiful all that had been left dark

peril, peril
the tentacles of this treacherous temple
have pierced my skin, and they reach for my heart
they shall face failure, though

the squall is here, and with vengeance
i tried to tell you many times, but to no avail
i shall observe the wreaker from my tower
and see through the wet morning sunrise

three shadows on a wall
dressed to the nines they go
their spirits unwind as they proceed
passion, desire, but the bell tolls

there are five petals left on the flower
we spoke of great change. we fellowshipped. we drank.
there are four petals left on the flower
we shall pursue this course at full throttle.
there will be three petals left on the flower

there are five petals left on the flower
we spoke of great change. we fellowshipped. we drank.
there are four petals left on the flower
we shall pursue this course at full throttle.
there will be three petals left on the flower

a fairy fluttered through an open window and said
"you have made the right choice. you will be happy."
words were hard to find, and medium for speak was absent
but truth in knowing reality bears sanity and peace of mind

the mount before me is of no discomfort
for the symbol of wisdom guides me steadily
footpaths of love entice me upwards
and the fall below is of no concern to me

illness has entrapped me yet again this day
i cannot seem to escape its tight grasp
i call to providence to seek the root of my pain
but i find no reprieve, no solution

the revolution is here. it is upon us
it will divide, but not conquer
it will bring in the masses
it will weed out the chokers
all this, with humility at the helm
and of course providence, who is

i miss you.
i miss your smile.
i miss your laughs.
i miss your tender heart.
i miss your lips.
i miss your arms.
i miss your hands wrapped around mine.
in a distant land, it was possible
but here, we shall perish, for no life exists
we can only grasp what is giv'n us
whether it be by providence or darkness.

you smile at me with that cutting grin
you do not mean what your face emotes
the fires of hell burn within your very eyes
and pure hatred spills forth from your nostrils
smile at me, little one, smile at me again
for i have come to know that look;
and i shall not be cut down by your ill will

he that communicates hellish fires
is closer to hades than he who is lost

there are those who are too ignorant
in life, to see that others care about them
my heart is not pained over this,
as their drama is most disenchanting
just do not expect me to turn my head
and pretend that there is no problem
damn you, spirit of ignorance and
you who are of such petty hate

i have been climbing up this hill for some time now
the path gets smaller and smaller, and it fades into the ground
i do not know why i still pursue this worn road,
but i shant turn my head back, as there is nothing to see
onward, onward toward what is unknown, unknowable?
i fear a battle is ahead, though, and my sword is drawn

emotion mixes in a large urn
i shout into the pot and wait for the echo
nothing happens, but nothing is lost
why does my body persist on having its way
the mind can reason, but cannot console
and i find myself stuck in the fight

tear back the slit in the envelope
and you reveal a soft spoken moon in the sky
its glow is peace, and its stature strength
but it is only a glimpse, an inspiration of an instance
the morning glory will steal it all away
and wash away the clues to its existence
so heed fast its lighted ways
and pursue its shine, its luster for the sake of life

you have manifested your presence in my life
for that I am ever grateful and that I cherish
time might be scarce, or maybe it will linger
but fate seals our commonality, our connect
in my heart i shall not so easily part
but the essence of logic now dominates my being
some things can be reasoned out of existence
but i assure you, no science can erase this
this 'end' is only the beginning, a step anew
and there is a road ahead, to calm your rising fear
bless you, for your beauty, your care, your compassion
and may peace continually descend upon you

i have briefly come down from the mountaintop
for how long i do not know
the perspective down here is bleak, but true
and the glimmer from atop the mount calls to me

it has happened
again, though i thought it not possible
and this time was different, in a good way
but still peculiar for i have not had that;
beyond reason lies the answer
to why time sends experiences in our direction
and why our sails catch certain winds of air.
i am changed, in a way, that bids me step forward
yet i know not the unfamiliar path and i quiver
if i could only step beyond and examine
the ancient book that will describe my past.

for it is in the fields of old
we find the ancient pieces to form the new.

matched spirits, are strung together
they form a sweet symphony
but where shall the opus be played
for the pastures are the only suitable place
and they are so far away now

a tribute
to those whom i have called friend
to those whose faces i know and know not
you have all been pieces of the landscape
in the portrait of my life
i could not have thought of better objects to paint
providence has provided me with such good fortune
that i might encounter all of you
after all, it is the spirit of our personal relationships
that we shall take with us after this life, nothing else
i am grateful for this, i just thought you should know
and here's to many future days of knowing you

persist, persist through the flames
if anything, you might come out a little scathed
the searing though not much fun to look at
will have a cleansing effect which will renew
have not fear, but excitement and anticipation
for the flame

what can make this world go away?
only the death of mankind
so why do we worry for our planet's sake
when souls we will leave behind?

my heart misses those with whom
my soul has sung loudly
mayhaps i shall see them soon, someday
and we shall all sing joyously in the halls again

by the day, the time shall pass
but what dreams may come who knows
if i can have a say, they would be my own

there shall be, ere the day is ended,
a river of thought rushing,
overflowing onto the banks of the rational
it will drown out the old,
and inspire the new;
sometimes, the brink of death
is the only giver of life

there is a list, that i shall complete
in more ways than one
which shall dictate the years to come;
should i complete this list,
in more ways than one,
then success true happiness would be a sure thing!

a new form shall take up existence,
what shall this new face resemble?
individuality shall be the composition.

the new day has arived!
this new aura will surely pervade
all of the senses with lovliness
it shall be glorious indeed