loyalties lost...

as i am reading a favorite book of mine, i find myself thinking much about the society in which we live. it is my belief that we now find ourselves in a time in which the human bonds of old no longer reside. let me expand. in ancient times, it was considered a great honor to come and dine at another's table. when a man invited his neighbor to dinner, it was considered to be a great honor and a mark of friendship. from then on, they would have a relationship which was built upon trust and honor. so out of obligation, the two would then continue life while still being concerned for each other.

i fear that we have lost these bonds today. in the present day, 'tis no matter if the bonds of friendship are broken. one can simply cease to acknowledge his former bond with a friend, and people silently part to go their separate ways. what a pity. the least that could happen if the two were about to part is a final handshake or acknowledgement of the parting, but to simply cower out of the relationship is plain stupid. unfortunately these mangled things we call friendships today represent the society in which we live: non-committal, superficial, and very temporary.

why has this happened? well, i tend to think it is because we no longer need people, or god for that matter. we have so much stuff to satisfy our needs of loneliness that we could certainly replace any friend, family member, or god with a number of gizmos and gadgets that could take our cares away. all hail the ipod, a refuge for many. some might disagree with my opinion so far, but i will offer some evidence that i think suggests that i am right.

in the past twenty-five years, playing cards as a social activity is down 25 percent (Putnam, Bowling Alone, 102-5). Going to bars, nightclubs, and taverns is down 40 percent (101). Full service restaurants have decreased 25 percent, and the number of bars (including coffee) and bistros has decreased 50 percent, but fast food outlets have increased 100 percent (102). Having a social evening with an actual neighbor is down 33 percent (105). Attendance at social clubs and meetings (such as B.P.O. Elks, Shriners, etc.) is down 58 percent (www.bowlingalone.com). Family dinners are down by 33 percent (Putnam, Bowling Alone, 98, 100, 102-5). Having friends over to one's home is down by 45 percent (www.bowlingalone.com). in the period ranging from 1980 to 1993, bowling was actually up 10 percent, but the number of bowling leagues decreased 40 percent, as people now prefer to bowl alone (Putnam, Bowling Alone, 112-13).

the above statistics are mentioned in mark driscoll's the radical reformission. what these stats show is that america prefers to be alone. nobody wants to be around others anymore. no one wants to put effort or emotion into his relationships. so america doesn't need friends. we certainly don't need family. why then do we need god? we don't. we don't need him, or anything he has to offer. the songs on our ipod do not require anything from us, and we can get lost in the free emotion that the songs give to us. we don't have to put anything in. we live in such an experiential service based society, that all of our needs (physical, mental, and spiritual) can be met in a starbucks! we don't have to grow the beans, we don't have to harvest the beans, we don't have to brew the coffee, we don't have to serve ourselves, and we don't have to own nice leather furniture surrounded by a bright inspiring environment with cute little tables and rich aromas and great music. we can now order up that scene where person is sitting by the fire with a glass of wine and a good book and a nice blanket while we are on our lunch break from work!

i wish things were different. i wish that we had to put some work into the products we receive. i wish we actually had to visit the grocer and speak to him to let him know that we need to order an extra gallon of milk next week. i wish that we actually had to get off our lazy asses and go visit a friend rather than give an unimpressive courtesy call. i wish that we actually had to speak to god, rather than rely on our church experience to take care of that little issue. granted i am thankful for myspace, as it has reunited me with some old friends, but i do not want it to replace my lines of physical communication with my friends and family. a myspace message can never do justice to a handwritten letter that has carefully been passed by the hands of many to reach its recipient. technology has invaded our society and yes, there are many benefits to it.

i guess the point i am trying to make in all of this is that we don't need each other anymore. we don't need each other because we can get therapy or we can get help from support groups, which only exist because people do not have personal relationships anymore. alcoholics anonymous. can i say any more? even the support groups are on a need to know basis, and they don't want all of your personal information. they just want to address your problem so they can fix it, and send you on your merry way! we need to get personal, people. the church is dying if you haven't noticed and if you don't think that this new desire to be alone at home (where one can have his own church and his own relationship with god, etc....) is not going to make things worse in the coming years, you need to think again. i am not pleading for the church. i am not pleading for me. i am pleading for the sake of humanity that we follow the second most important commandment! how are we to love others if we don't need to be around them, or if we are simply not going to be around them? if we love christ, then we need to show that we love christ to someone other than our ipods. i’m not dogging ipods either, don't get sidetracked by that, i am simply making a point.

i need to wrap this up. in the coming days, i am going to try to live like someone who wants and needs others. i am not going to try to establish myself as the person who is just fine being alone. i am not going to be that great achiever who forsook his friends for success. rather, i am going to show people that i want and need them. i am going to show them that i am here for them as well, and they could use me. i am going to show true friendship, and i will build those true friendships with those who accept it. i am going to surround myself with those who think similarly; because the only way this will work is if those around me do the same. someday, i hope to see a true community that reflects true love. i suppose i could be wrong on all of this. i suppose that we could be built to survive by ourselves, not needing others. i suppose that we could have evolved into a culture that does not need anything from anyone, so long as it is not a good or service that will immediately satisfy. i could be wrong. but if i am, then i am going down in flames because i am going to invest fully in this, and i will not turn back. if the africans are sending missionaries to america because we are in such spiritual dilemma, then the least i can do is sign up to help them. there it is. the ships are burning and there is no turning back for me. i need you, people, and i think you need me. that is not a bad thing, but it is what god intended. let's do something about it.