insured. assured. whatever. it means nothing.
but i will be debt free, and that's everything?
at least one person will benefit from my life
and he deserves it, lord knows he does.
in other news my sanity slowly returns
quietly i regain my senses, which were lost a day ago
my nerves reached a pinnacle; my mind numbed
and i was shot down off of my horse to the ground
new friends. new places. utter disconnect.
but then that is what this life is about eh?
nothing matches, nothing makes sense, nothing is logical
at least not to our mind's eye, for we were not first
here ends the ridiculousness of this post
but my sentiments remain. i try to answer, to exist
yet my thoughts are cast by the wayside, to the dust
my utter being plunged into the depths of the forgettable
8/22/2007
8/21/2007
8/14/2007
flying hearts, beating against the wind
sail swiftly toward the rising tide of storm clouds
the brief shrieks of thunder flash across the sky
their fiery veins coil and contort to reach afar
this heart never stops. i do not know if it ever will. the arms of togetherness cannot seem to touch me, and their grasping only strengthens my resolve. it has been said to me that if i want it, i will do it--or i will obtain it. i can see that being true; however, i am my biggest obstacle. whether or not i want something has absolutely nothing to do with getting it. this would rely entirely on the fragility of my will. and those who know me also know that i am a bulwark of confidence when it comes to decision making.
shall my unjust love forever hang in the balance? will i remain or will i go? do i stand firmly on the ground, or do i take the inevitable plunge? to these questions and more i do not know the answer. i anxiously await my turbulent future, and perhaps i just might survive the bloody war which is sure to be fought.
sail swiftly toward the rising tide of storm clouds
the brief shrieks of thunder flash across the sky
their fiery veins coil and contort to reach afar
this heart never stops. i do not know if it ever will. the arms of togetherness cannot seem to touch me, and their grasping only strengthens my resolve. it has been said to me that if i want it, i will do it--or i will obtain it. i can see that being true; however, i am my biggest obstacle. whether or not i want something has absolutely nothing to do with getting it. this would rely entirely on the fragility of my will. and those who know me also know that i am a bulwark of confidence when it comes to decision making.
shall my unjust love forever hang in the balance? will i remain or will i go? do i stand firmly on the ground, or do i take the inevitable plunge? to these questions and more i do not know the answer. i anxiously await my turbulent future, and perhaps i just might survive the bloody war which is sure to be fought.
8/03/2007
the franciscan way
i have recently come to the conclusion that a celibate life, though possibly a lonely life, is a very productive life! that is, provided one does not become distracted with the "wonders" of the world--to which one could just as easily be married. with a bit of concentration, some creative thinking and a strong will one can achieve that which might officially mark his life as productive. of course production is measured differently by varying peoples and cultures.
i have not under any duress nor despair come to any of these conclusions. sheer logic continues to be a driving force in my life. my decision process is really quite simple: i identify a problem or issue, then i clearly define it and consider all applicable factors, form a specific plan to fully reason the issue and execute that plan. without fail, this process continually leads to a decisive end.
the for mentioned logic of which i spoke is not some ethereal force i have especially discovered; rather, it is that which has always brooded over humanity, ever begging our free use of all that it has to offer--though mankind has not always taken a liking to it. this rejection alone defies the very existence of logic, as betterment and benefit is surely to be gained from such a bedfellow.
emotion, however, takes over and suddenly it seems easier to blow up a bus full of infidels. i am reminded of scene from the story of hannibal lecter. when mason verger, a patient of the cannibalistic doctor, was asked why he willingly tore his own flesh from his face, he responded, "it seemed like a good idea at the time." the deranged doctor had so poisoned his patient's mind with intoxicating distraction that verger was driven to do himself harm simply based on the notion of a temporal good idea. the point of this story is that humans, for reasons known only to god, have historically chosen the self destructive path while being fully aware of the better way.
in the immediate present, the path i am exploring could have some negative effects, but i wonder if the long term results will prove to be extremely beneficial. i will begin the process of placing myself in a more permanent independent position. this house of cards could fall, but at least the attempt alone might yield conclusions which will satisfy my mental wanderlust.
i have not under any duress nor despair come to any of these conclusions. sheer logic continues to be a driving force in my life. my decision process is really quite simple: i identify a problem or issue, then i clearly define it and consider all applicable factors, form a specific plan to fully reason the issue and execute that plan. without fail, this process continually leads to a decisive end.
the for mentioned logic of which i spoke is not some ethereal force i have especially discovered; rather, it is that which has always brooded over humanity, ever begging our free use of all that it has to offer--though mankind has not always taken a liking to it. this rejection alone defies the very existence of logic, as betterment and benefit is surely to be gained from such a bedfellow.
emotion, however, takes over and suddenly it seems easier to blow up a bus full of infidels. i am reminded of scene from the story of hannibal lecter. when mason verger, a patient of the cannibalistic doctor, was asked why he willingly tore his own flesh from his face, he responded, "it seemed like a good idea at the time." the deranged doctor had so poisoned his patient's mind with intoxicating distraction that verger was driven to do himself harm simply based on the notion of a temporal good idea. the point of this story is that humans, for reasons known only to god, have historically chosen the self destructive path while being fully aware of the better way.
in the immediate present, the path i am exploring could have some negative effects, but i wonder if the long term results will prove to be extremely beneficial. i will begin the process of placing myself in a more permanent independent position. this house of cards could fall, but at least the attempt alone might yield conclusions which will satisfy my mental wanderlust.
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