why is it that family is the first to turn their backs on each other in times of disagreement? what purpose does this serve but that of the evil one himself? i can reason any of this ridiculousness away with simple elementary logic. why cannot they? i am through wasting my time trying to encourage people to get along. it is a simple choice.

...


my pen runs dry these days as my thoughts have dwindled into simple desires for sedation. my purest longings are still of the most evil, and my mental composition will always be flawed. the only comfort i have is that i know exactly what i will be doing in ten years and how i will get there. my future is set before me and thus far it has progressed exactly how i predicted it would. i was born alone. i shall fulfill a life alone. it is the only way permissible. but i must say it is not by choice. for if there were another way i assure you i would have taken it.

my words fall upon deaf ears and blind eyes. there is only so much humanity can take. i understand that. which is why i know that the only person that can help me is myself. it is solely up to me when it comes to my earthly salvation. i did not created the monster that lies within, but i trained it; i nurtured it and raised it into its current state. i have brought it about from being exclusively carnivorous to a point of preferring vegetation. perhaps this has something to do with a form of personal punishment, or remembrance rather. for i shall not forget where i came from.

love remains unchanged. reserved only for those who are unconventional which augments all complication into a vast chasm of complexity. but when adoration is born, it scourges the body in way so unbearable that it creates distaste for such frivolities. yet the mind remains unchecked; the will is wild and relationship implants itself in a permanent position.

i know not how long this charade will last. it is wearisome. it is exhausting. it is self-demeaning. i must heal. i must let go. but these are the very poisons which torment me incessantly. if a mountain lies behind me, an infinite precipice awaits.