My passion for politics was relit in this election cycle. I do not presume to know why this occurred, but nonetheless it is what happened and that is that. Fortunately, for me and many of my friends, the insanity of political discussion has ceased from my end. In a flash, like a lit match encountering water, the inner flame driving my zeal for politics was extinguished. The torment is over, at least for now. I have made peace with whatever transpires on November 4; it has been ordained by God and destiny cannot be altered. From my lips now passes the last of my political engagements and I move quickly onto newer and even older subjects.
I read somewhere today that “religion is dumb; Jesus is great.” As clever as that phrase may sound (especially to the evangelical right), it is in fact sophomoric in its very nature. While the church inevitably crumbles when being tested at any given time in its history, it is the religion, the practice of faith which stands the test of time. Relationship with Christ has merit, but in a relationship actions must occur and affection must be practiced. To hold in one’s heart the satisfaction of simply knowing someone is at best trivial in a meaningless, loveless relationship.
I say these words because I find myself stuck in limbo, a purgatory where I am not accepted by the church nor am I welcomed my heathens. My sexuality is a product of misguided deceit according to the church. In contrast, my faith and conservatism are a result of my self hatred and hypocrisy according to the liberal world. Nowhere can I find refuge for my lonely soul. Damned by the ordinary world (and I say that with the greatest of sarcasm), I am left to my own devices to guide myself through this turbulent life.
Therefore it is my religion, the practice of faith, making the sign of the cross that gives me strength and reminds me of who I am and always will be. My creator loves me and I him, and it is important to me that I outwardly portray this. My lifestyle directly contradicts religious theology, which my detractors cite in proclaiming the hypocrisy of my beliefs regarding action oriented relationships. What they fail to acknowledge is that mine is an affair which shows on the outside while many evangelicals wrestle inner afflictions by which they will never be measured. Additionally, it is one piece of my life which is in question. My faith is steadfast and my outward profession of faith remains evident. Those surrounding me know I love God and they can see my affection for him. Though all of us fail biblically, it is one side calling the other out in an clash which only drives the outcast further from the brethren.
Never have I claimed to be “right” in God’s eyes. Never have I claimed that his Gospel is wrong. What I expect from people is to show me the same respect I afford them. God will be my judge and so be it. In the meantime I have no intention of ditching my religion. As much as it stuns the evangelical right, I will continue to profess my faith while I live in the manner I have chosen.
That being said, I am actually quite well. I have a positive outlook on life and I am generally satisfied with my progress academically, professionally, emotionally and spiritually. I have found a wonderful companion with whom I share my life daily. My friends are supportive and loving, and we share glorious times together. Waking up knowing that I am my honest and true self every day provides me with hope to embrace the future. My spirits are high and my wonder ever flowing. Lifting a glass and hoping for the best, I move onward.
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