in the bleak midwinter, we wait for glad tidings of christmas to bring us joy. in a season of cheer the heart longs for love and the spirit seeks peace in the winter solstice. another year has gone and a new dawn approaches. the new solar revolution will bring times of great change. i desire not to lose myself. i hope to love and be loved. i will bring success to myself and others. i will embrace with confidence the path revealed before me and i will endure to new heights.

i feel nothing. numbness is enjoyable to the extent that one does not feel pain, but it is not a lovable companion. drugs can only affect a mood; they cannot erase it.

last night i met the future. it was incredible but it ended quite sadly as i could not hold on to it when it escaped.

ode to scottsdale

oh scottsdale, how i loathe thee more than ever

from the moment one first tastes the ilk, he gags

the air thick with austere anonymity, he is alone

puke to the right and drunk girl to the left

a tragic scene no doubt, and all players are doomed

enter the douche, six feet tall and infinitely stupid

his male pattern clearly showing his age

he attempts to start a fight with an immature dig

only to be greeted with the more becoming sound of silence

he puts his four inch tail between his legs and cowers

oh scottsdale, how elated i am to learn that i still detest you

you never change and i clearly will not submit to your sea of filth

the exquisitness of a life experience is only tantamount to that which constantly abrades the mind. in other words, beauty is equal only to pain; love only to hate. all emotion and feeling are wrapped up into a bungled conglomeration of utter confusion.

a starry night spreads vastly across a sea of grass
the glistening sky reflects upon the green slopes
repeating valleys bring the scape together
all of the land waits for a still small voice

flying hearts, beating against the wind
sail swiftly toward the rising tide of storm clouds
the brief shrieks of thunder flash across the sky
their fiery veins coil and contort to reach afar

this heart never stops. i do not know if it ever will. the arms of togetherness cannot seem to touch me, and their grasping only strengthens my resolve. it has been said to me that if i want it, i will do it--or i will obtain it. i can see that being true; however, i am my biggest obstacle. whether or not i want something has absolutely nothing to do with getting it. this would rely entirely on the fragility of my will. and those who know me also know that i am a bulwark of confidence when it comes to decision making.

shall my unjust love forever hang in the balance? will i remain or will i go? do i stand firmly on the ground, or do i take the inevitable plunge? to these questions and more i do not know the answer. i anxiously await my turbulent future, and perhaps i just might survive the bloody war which is sure to be fought.

strange echos have been rebounding off the walls lately
noises that i heard once, but have since forgotten
it is odd that i wish to pursue such curiosities
i only hope it is not a trap; that i do not fall into the abyss

snow gently falls to caress the earth and blanket our hearts

gentle footprints hint at a sojourner's former path

trees are comforted by their annual companion

and homes are tucked warmly in their angel white beds

with great haste my heart seeks company
ancient times and distant music speak softly to me
hearty fellowship breeds a confidence so elegant
and mere kindness is kindled in the fires of love

blue eyes gently sweep across a vast divide
giving light to the hopeless and inspiring passion
a soul quietly peers upon possibility and the unknown
while the mind holds fast to reasonable reckoning

enter the grey cool mist of night, ever pervading the clear
the uncertainty of the fog now rests in the place of logic
and yet again, all fates are in the hands of providence

rejoice! tonight we rang the bells of heav'n
this eve we danced the timeless tale of the babe
our spirits joined with all creation to pay homage
myrrh, frankincense and gold were lavished upon him

this night we heard the meaning. the subtext of the story.
how kings and countrymen related in such glory
we took bread and wine to participate in the continuing holy saga
and our hearts were contented with the fulfillment of providence

gloria. gloria. gloria.
to him in the highest.
peace and goodness on the earth.
gloria. gloria. gloria.

winter scarves, wool pants, warm car coats
these and others, perhaps a pipe and some warm whisky
all are present at this gathering of thoughtful consorts
books and such are the subjects of delightful conversation

one can only appreciate keeping warm in the cold months
if he is subject to the frigid air itself; kept at bay to the freeze
this is why, i suppose, that i do enjoy sitting in frosty weather
while sipping hot tea, clothed in the embrace of gentle furs

el sendero de menos resitance

...he continued on the journey
meeting several acquaintances along the way
his steps brought him to a fork in the road
where he took courage and made a decision

he took the path of least resistance, or so he thought

he ventured into an ideal situation, basking in joy
reality had checked out; bliss had come to stay forever
the mask of peace fell gently upon his path
and the bombs bursting in the distance disappeared into the horizon

life is a motion picture, a ceaseless work of personal cinematography
someday the reel will run its course, applause will follow, and the screen will go dark

is it here?

i think it is... finally here!

a corner has been turned. a new era has arrived. however it can be comprehended, something has occurred. a change. a change that will affect the masses, and even me. a flame has been lit, and it will take a strong wind to extinguish this great candle. more than a glimmer of hope; rather, a strong sense of purpose in a future. as the chords of life progress in such a natural manner, i glide on the great crest of a wave toward the unfathomable. peace.

the ever burning candle

there is nothing in this world like a good friend. after the winds of war have blown your way, you run--tired and battered--into the loving and caring arms of your true companion. all the cares of the world slip away in that moment of bliss. you step into a garden of pure contentment. the forays which formerly hassled you are now distant memories, floating to permanent exile. true love is what it is, but true friendship provides sustenance, nutrition. it is organic in nature and it cleanses the spirit. how i am grateful for such a thing. for no respite is to be found in this hellish life, but the glimmer of hope that shines from a good friend burns through all darkness.

there is a glimmer

of hope in the distance
though it looks much different than expected
but then again, it's life

i am dry

and water is all around me
yet i cannot drink of it
because it is for "whites only"
and my color does not match

left alone in this burning haze
i do not see myself in the mirror
happiness and elation, distant memories
my greatest fears weigh upon me

i move on; i pick myself up, or drag myself
and pull myself to safety, or so i think
that i used to do often also, not now though
and the harbinger of death gently passes by

drama, drama everywhere, i've had too much to drink
and this passing phase shall end, but not without great loss
where do we go from here? this is not what we expected to be
one cannot appreciate the top until he has seen the utter bottom

cheers.

i move on

slowly i come to grasp
the truly sad fact of absence, of a void
and i raise an eyebrow and my lip slightly grins
eight days and counting, my head returns
tomorrow i suppose i shall be further along
"further" seems to be a relevant word currently
i can now stand, i think of other things, of tasks
and i look to the dawn on the ninth day, for hope

no change

the morning brings no joy; restitution.
and now off to nowhere.
with no sleep.

why...

you are tired, you are poor
you are sick, you are cold
you hunger without respite
you forever thirst
yet you will not take the antidote