Reunion

...Three friends ascend a mountain top on three separate sides. Each has been traveling for a great many years. They could not have traveled together; the journey would have proven impossible. But their isolated treks would lead them to reunion in the end. Upon a great cliff would their candor return. Great joy is brought upon them, and affection brews in their hearts...

I am happy to be reunited with two dear friends of mine. Though we took separate paths, we have come together at a fork in the road and for the foreseeable future it would seem that we might now travel together. Nothing brings such joy to my heart, as the love found in youth is everlasting. Our care and concern for one another has never ceased, yet it has been cloaked in the sea of happenings. Now our lamps are visible to each other and we glory together in enduring companionship.

into life

Love is a bud that beckons to be opened by the mighty rays of the sun. When this flower blooms love bursts into life. Once grazed by its smooth pedals, one is transformed into an ethereal state of being. Morning mist provides a tender kiss. The dew rolling off the outstretched arms of the flora gathers into glassy pools, reflecting, augmenting the object of original beauty. Destiny is satisfied and love is freed.

... ... ...

Two weeks ago my life was altered in such a way that I still cannot fathom to this very day. The unforeseen turn of events abruptly brought about drastic changes, literally sweeping me off my feet and sending me into recurring fleeting moments of euphoria and pure bliss. I have not felt this way in such a long time. My attention has been captured, and reality merged with dreams. This new wind carries me briskly, faster than I have ever traveled. But there is comfort to be had from this force. I am neither afraid nor apprehensive about what is to come, for the winds of change and chance have smiled upon me and ensured safe passage to a great and glorious destination. With eagerness I await the coming days.

wonder

Often I have dreamed of traveling to a place where I might find love and rest. It is only natural to pair these feelings together, as attaining one often involves experiencing the other. These states of being, then, are the only words which can describe one’s actions in his pursuit to live. My quest for life is a poetic tribute to this notion; I find my rest in love and I found love through rest.

Perhaps the greatest companion is the one who not only knows your flaws, but also appreciates that you have them. When this phenomenon occurs, honesty shines and true relationship blossoms. From there a trust is built, creating something new and beautiful and full of life. Elation then nourishes the soul, ever growing and ever binding with another, forming an unbreakable bastion, built to withstand any tempestuous gale.

I gain strength from these principles. Strength and a desire to live and live fully. Whereas once I could not see a way out of entrapment, I now know there is light to be found at the end of an untraveled path. Though it bears deep into an uncharted forest, I can sense life, safety, peace. I am not alone. We are not alone. Together we shall trek the unknown and together we will arrive at rest.

Jen is my favorite. She exudes the type of attitude and personality that I would wish upon all of my friends. She is laid back and loving, regardless of the situation, and for that I am greatly appreciative. Plus she does not judge me for my intermittent alcoholism.

death comes quickly to those who fear it the most; slowly to those who need it the most. it is but a loathsome thing--not because it brings about the cessation of life but because it destroys hearts. love hurts and love cut short stings like salt in a wound. and bitterness of tongue follows without end. tears fall and form a sea of emptiness; a numbness that masks all feeling. how my heart is battered! my spirit torn! oh respite come with haste! but lo i remain unchanged, unfettered by the restraints of hateful cherubs. and in the end alone. always. yet this is nothing new. as my pen began to stroke this page i knew the end result, nothing.

My dear friend Jen has posted a brilliant survey of what she did and experienced in 2007. Pardon me for my plagiarism but I must confess my own personal answers to this extensive questionnaire. Here goes...

1. What did you do in 2007 that you'd never done before?

I purchased my first home.

2. Did you keep your New Year's resolutions, and will you make more for next year?

I did... And I have already made new ones, Bryan knows what they are...

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?

Thank God no.

4. Did anyone close to you die?

Unfortunately my best friends grandpa and grandfather both passed away within weeks of each other during the Christmas holiday. We will miss them. My brother-in-law's mother died as well.

5. What countries did you visit?

Jacksonville, Florida... If you've been you will understand.

6. What would you like to have in 2008 that you lacked in 2007?

Love. Love. Love.

7. What date from 2007 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?

March 18 (birthday party at My Florist), March 19 (we closed on our home), July 19 (I was honest with a friend), and September 28 (Housewarming I & remodel completion).

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?

Probably remodeling our new condo.

9. What was your biggest failure?

Probably in several relationships.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?

I had a nasty bout with strep in the summer, followed by my first sinus infection in the winter!

11. What was the best thing you bought?

Two iMacs. And my condo of course!

12. Whose behavior merited celebration?

Mike, Brittany, Jen, Sophie, Nate, Dick, Jeff, Kerri, Rick, Ronnie, Kasdan and myself of course.

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?

She knows who she is.

14. Where did most of your money go?

The remodel... yikes!

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?

Monday Fun Day.

16. What song will always remind you of 2007?

"Last Night" - Diddy

17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
a.) happier or sadder?

I don't recall... but I seem to be complacent.

b.) thinner or fatter?

Much thinner, haha. And more lean.

c.) richer or poorer?

Surprisingly richer... I don't know how that happened.

18. What do you wish you'd done more of?

Reading, writing and traveling.

19. What do you wish you'd done less of?

Eat junk food.

20. How did you spend Christmas?

Happily with a gigantic bottle of chardonnay, and my laptop to keep me company ;) The family was great to see as well. It was fun to have Sarah and Sophie this year.

22. Did you fall in love in 2007?

Love turned me into a disaster this year... We'll see what happens.

23. How many one-night stands?

Hmm... I know I will get accosted for answering this... but I think ten is correct.

24. What was your favorite TV program?

Brothers and Sisters, Dirty Sexy Money, Desperate Housewives, Battlestar Galactica, and Prison Break.

25. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year?

Hate is a strong word but according to the dictionary unfortunately it seems I do... Though I would never articulate such a harsh phrase.

26. What was the best book you read?

This is easy, "State of Fear" by Michael Crichton. It changed my life. I also picked up "Godless" by Ann Coulter, which was amusing.

27. What was your greatest musical discovery?

That I could actually play a bunch of classical music that I had never tried before.

28. What did you want and get?

A new iMac, a condo downtown, a new Scion xB, health insurance, life insurance and a retirement plan. Oh, and a bed. :)

29. What did you want and not get?

A trip to California in the summer.

30. What was your favorite film of this year?

Does it have to be released this year? I only watch DVD's... As far as that goes, I must say that Finding Neverland was one of my favs... I cried for the last fifteen minutes.

31. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?

On my birthday I believe we received our keys to our new condo, but the day before we partied at My Florist. I turned 25, ouch!

32. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?

Having Jen and Brittany for cocktails everyday!

33. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2007?

White on white, and re-introducing the concept of the tie.

34. What kept you sane?

Mike, Jen, Brittany, Rick and Kerri

35. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?

Hmm... it depends on what the definition of fancy is. If it means "A" then it is the Pope; if it is "B" then it is Zac Efron ;) LOL

36. What political issue stirred you the most?

Global warming is a religion that is more judgmental than Christian fanatics.

37. Who did you miss?

Robert, Casey, Bethany, Kasdan, Dick, Amber, Dave, Cindy, Uncle Robbie, Uncle Jeff, Manders and Jeff.

38. Who was the best new person you met?

Nate, Sophie, Andrew, Chelsea, Ronnie, Trevor, Richie, Nicole and Travis

39. Tell us some valuable life lessons you learned in 2007.

-I want love; just a different kind.

-Stasis is not satisfactory.

-Money does bring significant stability.

-Women still influence my life the most, whether good or bad.

40. Quote some song lyrics that sum up your year:

"Cigarettes and chocolate milk, these are just a couple of my cravings. Everything it seems I like's a little bit stronger, a little bit thicker, a little bit harmful for me. If i should buy jellybeans, have to eat them all in just one sitting. Everything it seems I like's a little bit sweeter, a little bit fatter, a little bit harmful for me.

And then there's those other things, which for several reasons we won't mention. Everything about them is a little bit stranger, a little bit harder, a little bit deadly. It isn't very smart; tends to make one part so broken-hearted.

Sitting here remembering me, always been a shoe made for the city. Go ahead, accuse me of just singing about places, with scrappy boys faces, have general run of the town. Playing with prodigal songs takes a lot of sentimental Valiums. Can't expect the world to be your raggedy Andy while running on empty you little old doll with a frown.

You got to keep in the game, maintaining mystique while facing forward. I suggest a reading of 'a lesson in tightropes' or 'surfing your high hopes' or 'adios Kansas'.

Still there's not a show on my back, holes or a friendly intervention. I'm just a little bit heiress, a little bit Irish, a little bit Tower of Pisa whenever i see you. So please be kind if I'm a mess."

-Rufus Wainwright, "Cigarettes and Chocolate Milk"

out with the old, in with the new. like a flood of rushing water the sunrise of the new year awaits. surpassing all possibility of remaining implacable, waxing nostalgic, the hereafter comes with a mighty sword, thrashing its way through all stubborn stragglers. i am already moving; i set sail long ago so as not to be taken by surprise. others will look on saying i have abandoned them but if they look closely they will see that my place was in danger from the power of the surge and theirs was safeguarded high atop a towering cliff. that they might come to see this is a dream of mine, yet it in itself is not to be real. perhaps one day their ship will be forced to set sail and i will greet them on the vast sea which now divides us. and we shall reminisce for auld lang syne. 

i found the source of the creepos. i had to kill it, and it hurt me to do so. i love green plants and when they wither a piece of my soul dies also. but the pest is gone and i am thankful. 

"As concerning my friends and kinsfolk," quoth he, "[I am not concerned] greatly for them. For I think i have sufficiently done my part towards them already. For these things that other men do not depart from until they be old and sick, yea, which they be then very loath to leave when they can no longer keep, those very same things did I, being not only [vigorous] and in good health but also in the flower of my youth, divide among my friends and kinsfolk. Which I think with this my liberality ought to hold them contented, and not to require nor to look that besides this I should for their sakes give myself in bondage unto kings."

-Utopia, Book I

in the bleak midwinter, we wait for glad tidings of christmas to bring us joy. in a season of cheer the heart longs for love and the spirit seeks peace in the winter solstice. another year has gone and a new dawn approaches. the new solar revolution will bring times of great change. i desire not to lose myself. i hope to love and be loved. i will bring success to myself and others. i will embrace with confidence the path revealed before me and i will endure to new heights.

i met impossible fate tonight, and again i was turned down.

i am not surprised, i will not falter; yet i am still sad.

still i will tarry; still i will endure;

and eventually i will find my respite; i know it.

i want to go to neverland. where endless beauty abounds. evergreen forests span the horizon. flashes of blood orange and mango yellow peel across the sky, piercing through the clouds on the sea. a ship rests gently in a cove. mermaids sunbathe on the warm rocks. the redskins hum soft melodies singing sweetly to the tune of dusk. time never catches up here. it is always behind.

the morning does not bring age, but rather a gang of hungry children pouring down a hill to pick fresh strawberries, blueberries, apple berries, bananas and kiwis to decorate their breakfast. they hasten only the delight of their stomachs, as a seemingly endless day lies in wait. enter the pan. the boy named peter descends upon his kingdom in a wave of glory as the realm of the fairies greets him magically. he does not worry; he does not fret. for here tears cannot exist. the very water to supply them is turned into fairy dust. though the young prince will lead his pack into battle with the pirates, he knows that good will win in this place. all will be well in the land of everlasting youth.

yes this is neverland. that place where i was meant to be. i must find my way. i must believe. i will think happy thoughts and gain my wings. i will take flight past the second star to the right and straight on till morning. there i will find the land of wonder. the dawn of enchantment. i shall touch down there, never to return.

i feel nothing. numbness is enjoyable to the extent that one does not feel pain, but it is not a lovable companion. drugs can only affect a mood; they cannot erase it.

http://www.washingtontimes.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=/20071219/COMMENTARY/10575140

i feel sorry, no sad for those who still debase themselves by being a part of the religion of disinformation that is global warming. how many astrophysicists, geophysicists, scientists and doctors is it going to take to convince the fanatics that their blind faith in such a purposefully misinformed notion is but a "fire in their belly" that amounts to nothing more than acid stomach. the facts are there for people to read yet the response to the confrontation of reason is often a childish fit usually consisting of such statements as "i haven't read it but i don't need to. i know it's true. everyone says it is. everyone. i promise." i should be able to rest my case after presenting that outrageous evidence.

not only is global warming a religion, but it is a bad religion! that is to say it has no benefit to you. sure it promises of good times and peace for your great grandchildrens' great grandchildren, but that is not very encouraging. you get nothing when you die! no heaven, no hell; just the simple relaxation gained from knowing the polar bears back on earth are not dead. i wouldn't go to church for that religion, and i definitely won't use less toilet paper either. at some point, humanity will re-embrace logic (i hope) and come to its senses when regarding such matters. we cannot cure the common cold but we seem to have the audacity to believe we can change the earth's lifespan by lighting one less candle for hanukkah.

saying goodbye to people is very difficult. it does not get any easier, even when you know you will be parting soon. the heart aches and the spirit cries for more time, but providence is the sole proprietor of time and he does as he sees fit. only can we hope for peace when we take our leave. peace that will comfort us through lonely steps...

the irony of death is its bittersweet array of emotions. what can be such a relief to some is but an act of torture to others. in one way the dark shadow is the new found rest of troublesome life; alternatively, the crisp coldness of lifelessness is very source of great pain. if it comes quickly it can be devastating, leaving loved ones desiring more time. if it drags on slowly it cannot come quick enough. such matters are irksome to say the least...

last night i met the future. it was incredible but it ended quite sadly as i could not hold on to it when it escaped.

with the new year just around the corner, and the ever nearer twenty-sixth marker of death, i have been thinking about several goals to set for the coming solar revolution. i have made up my mind on several things, including but not limited to the following: i shall not give up tanning, smoking the pipe or any other such a vice such as the drink. these curiosities divert the mind and are yet a wondrous joy to be a part of my life.

with regard to the aforementioned matters, i already have what i consider to be several healthy habits. these of course include but are not limited to the following: christianity, community fellowship, fitness, a vegan diet, organic choices in food and beauty products, spacial organization, cleanliness, reading, writing, speaking, politics, music, art and culture. all of this, and i still find the need to resolve.

what could i possibly come up with this year that would even affect me in the slightest? i could think of a few ideas; however, such notions would almost certainly lead me to instantaneous instability thereby sending me spiraling into a pitfall of destruction. augustine himself noted the danger in thinking. it only ends in tears one way or another. so how does one settle this dilemma? i possess not a solid answer.

what i can say is this: events of change are on the horizon. set into motion and unstoppable, the proceedings to come were put into place by providence and the flame has already touched the wick. new days, new faces, old faces that have changed. these and more will grace the approaching times. i wonder how my face will change... i wonder if age will weigh on me... where will i turn?

good morning baltimore!

there is nothing like a little hairspray to brighten up your day! the cultural bliss into which one descends in this movie is life altering; it inspires. one is quickly whisked away from loneliness into a world of camaraderie and youthful joy. optimism is at a prime in this adventure and one's heart is quickened to the tune of a jubilant soul.

ode to scottsdale

oh scottsdale, how i loathe thee more than ever

from the moment one first tastes the ilk, he gags

the air thick with austere anonymity, he is alone

puke to the right and drunk girl to the left

a tragic scene no doubt, and all players are doomed

enter the douche, six feet tall and infinitely stupid

his male pattern clearly showing his age

he attempts to start a fight with an immature dig

only to be greeted with the more becoming sound of silence

he puts his four inch tail between his legs and cowers

oh scottsdale, how elated i am to learn that i still detest you

you never change and i clearly will not submit to your sea of filth

the next two years of my life seem to have been planned out for me. i cannot say that time will progress exactly as my premonition suggests, but i am confident that the newest developments shall lead to a certain end result--possibly yielding some varying factors. as i prepare to take this plunge i know i will get wet. as i submerge myself into the deep i know the pressure in my ears will increase. i know these things yet i will embark on such an aquatic adventure...

there are two areas of life in which i extremely loathe change: occupation and place of living. when either of these changes i get cranky and unreasonable, not dissimilar to a whiny child. since my home is stable at this point in time it is the occupational change which bites at me presently. ironically, the shift in occupation ends up affecting the home in a great and powerful way, thereby nullifying the previous sentence. apparently i am on the two year plan for places of employment. but that is not surprising given my undisguised compulsion to stir up the pond. this of course is all to say that though i detest chaos, i frequently throw myself into a whirlwind of chaotic possibilities. so i am a masochist.