humanity of late has proven to be a society of half truths and utter deception. people say they are going to do one thing, yet they do another. i am guilty of this. for months now i have expressed my distaste for those who alter the truth and for those who make up excuses for their irresponsibility in keeping appointments, fellowshipping with friends and fulfilling voluntary committal engagements. it was this night that i realized that i am far from perfect and hat if i am not careful i will end up just the same as the people who have offended before me. i will make it a point to not turn out like flaky people i know. i will .

i enter. i pause. i see you sitting there.
with your eyes focused intently upon your subjects.
i pass by. i attend to other business. you notice. i glance.
for a moment we understand each other. we empathize.

my place is set. i must return. your company awaits.
i too have company, yet this night feels like a solo flight.
with wings i fly high into the realm of what might have been.
you are not there, however, as our paths crossed only for a moment.

i write tonight as a friend is in pain
he suffers an ailment of years past
morphine, antibiotics, and the like run through him
i hurt for him, he does not deserve this, not him
i hope he heals quickly, i hope the news will be good
a good soul, a happy spirit, upon him be peaceful rest

if phoenix bans the use of cell phones in cars (while driving), they must ban all eating, drinking, smoking, laughing, sneezing, farting, blinking, chewing, singing, and listening to the radio. since we have apparently decided to become socialists, we must ALL give up ALL things that might distract us from driving, because clearly we cannot take care of ourselves. we are not adults--but small children, who are merely playing in a dangerous world. we need fat men who eat too much meat to tell us that our environment is dying from an increase in temperature due to our ignorant consumption. pompous politicians have the arrogance to tout fictional concepts of global warming while there are sick and homeless people dying in our streets.

IF WE CANNOT EVEN TAKE CARE OF OUR OWN, WHAT REASON DO WE HAVE TO PRESERVE THE EARTH?

i am sick and tired of meat eating, dairy consuming, SUV driving hollywood leftists screeching and screaming their radical religious sermons at me. they want to force their god of "peace and love and save the planet" down my throat. they are hypocrites, the lot of them--for when a man of the cloth evangelizes them, they snicker and sneer at his conservatism, calling him a prude and a fanatic. i will never under any circumstance take anything they have to say seriously, and i will shout my opposition to them from the rooftops.

mistake. mistakes. mistakes were made. if i hear the word mistake one more time i will lose my religion. i find it so ironic that humans actually accuse other humans of making mistakes when they themselves are guilty of travesties of the worst kind. people need to stop pointing the finger and examine themselves--as ugly as it may be.

liberalism is a dying fad, that will ultimately be proven ineffective and antiquated. "don't tell me what i'm doing wrong, but when i tell you what you are doing wrong, you had better listen to me or else you will be an intolerant, ignorant, heartless dumba**.

i despise the news.
in fact, i could do without ever viewing another newscast or news story ever again.
however, i rely on such rubbish to know what is happening in the world.
it is unfortunate that my options for keeping up are so limited.
after all, the news is so primitive.

i saw exactly five front page stories this week that were not deserving of the title.
i saw two newscasts that were completely worthless, and run by uneducated imbeciles.
i heard four stories that were "factual" happenings, but really were op ed pieces.
i saw three ridiculous magazine covers, peppered with "celebrity" gossip.
a funny faux-hawk made the news, and it ended up being only pony tails.

i hate the news. i despise the news. lin sue can eat her words, and lipstick too.

all i can say...

When you try your best, but you don't succeed
When you get what you want but not what you need
When you feel so tired but you can't sleep
Stuck in reverse

And the tears come streaming down your face
When you lose something you can't replace
When you love someone but it goes to waste
Could it be worse?

Lights will guide you home,
And ignite your bones,
And I will try to fix you

--coldplay

i cannot fix you, you don't want to be fixed
good things never seem to last, this is no different

i'm glad that i don't have to associate with politicians regularly. my life would certainly be shorter if that were the case.

http://www.news24.com/News24/South_Africa/News/0,9294,2-7-1442_2081757,00.html

well, o, my dear, it looks as if one might need more distinctive purpose and direction if one plans to open a school. i applaud you for your efforts and concern, yet i still sometimes wonder if all of this simply strengthens your bottom line...

there once was a man who walked about this earth, talking of feeding the hungry, clothing the poor and taking in the homeless. he however did not build a place to put them all; rather he asked others to sacrifice everything they owned, that they might not be distracted by their earthly possessions so that they could devote all of their time and attention to others. this man, of course, was silenced promptly, in accordance with the great prophecies.

today, life is not much different. one speaks of giving it all up for the sake of the lost, and he is cursed as a fundamentalist. then, to twist the dagger in his belly, some protest group made up of children in their thirties who have survived mostly on their daddy, the college professor's money, taunts the poor fellow as he walks into a restaurant where meat is served. they hurl angry rhetoric at him, the notorious mass murderer of animals. and he is the fundamentalist?

society is just plain back-ass-words in the modern day. the church is condoning what is wrong and condemning what is right. politicians are fighting for something that nobody wants. teachers test the pupil on his knowledge of the professor's opinion, rather than instilling principles of deduction. schools are more concerned with political correctness policy rather than teaching the students moral values.

so, dear o, look what you have inspired me to write! i will leave you with this thought: what if you gave none of your belongings or riches away, but instead devoted your whole life to following god and discipling his people? i would bet all of your money that you would be happy, and you have the means to do it for a living. you wouldn't have to continue making tents... just a thought. i hope things turn out ok for your school.

hugo chavez is a strange, petulant, petty little man
perhaps in his next life he will be a bit taller
until then, he will keep compensating for what he lacks
by throwing rocks at the bigger kids on the playground

viva USA!

you have dreams, or you had them once
i saw the hope in your eyes, until it faded
that fateful day your light blew out
your face changed a little, and you were gone

how clever we can be while playing this game
but there is no prize for simply being sharp
an award is given only to he who still stands
a fight to the death in which only one will survive

take nine steps, facing the other way
on the tenth and final footing you whip around
only to find that i'm not there, i have vanished
you see, though you would kill me, i must spare you

yes, only one of us remains in plain view
and that is the end game, the final draw
for you shall live your life to its fullest potential
yet perhaps frequently looking over your shoulder

as i build my house, i shall document our progress here
it will give me that special feeling of accomplishment
every nail i drive through a board, every toe i paint
i will put my work here, so that i will know it is finished

this has been on my mind...

a screenplay is comes to life, film reels are rolling
a man appears in the picture and sings his opening number
his tune is love, his love for her, and her love for him
at least hopefully it was love, perhaps just appreciation

the lines are read, and there are lines to read between
other longings, other feelings are uncovered; none of it is new
the truth of guises is made manifest, and the wolves now hunt
but in the end, simple existence is the killer, for blase is toxic

and the rattling from the expired footage goes on
flashes of black and white are all that remain of the symphony
there is no curtain call; there is no bow
for this show ended not even with a whimper, but a final breath

i am getting quite the birthday present this year
a beautiful new home, which will be my special project
so much to do, and plenty of time to do it
i cannot wait for the excitement to begin

there are new days ahead, though they all blur together. i hope to see my friends this month, but lately it seems that we could live five thousand miles apart and we would not know the difference. oh well. i suppose i have too much time on my hands... or do i just allocate my time differently?

our lives consist of that which we choose.

we choose the hours.
we choose the days.

if we become enslaved to this, we have failed.

with regard to all that i have said,
i will stand my ground
i will not back down
my thesis remains ever proven, and i regret nothing

what a glorious night,
a wine filled night, with friends and, well, others
interesting suitably describes new acquaintances
and irresistible are those who have been around

yet at the end of the night
i still find myself hung up on the one
who still holds my heart hostage;
though it is not out of cruelty but of fear

oh the day when i shall be numb to fatal attraction
how i glory in the hope that i will turn out normal
i can taste the freedom of my soul
and it is only a devil's contract away

times of uncertainty lie in the not too distant future
insecurity and instability are the only sure things
but i am more content with such worries and problems
than i was with the secure mundane, killing me slowly

today it happened. i woke up feeling productive, though still a bit under the weather. i worked out, readied myself for what was sure to be a busy day and proceeded out the door. after catching some much needed rays, i visited a possible abode, bought it, and then checked out some places to rent for the church. i had some success there, especially in sunnyslope. then of course i prepared for sunday, rehearsed the choir and then finally journeyed home. it was indeed a productive day, and for the first time in months i feel as though i accomplished something. oh, and i did not get in a car accident, day one.

addendum to the previous post

i must add a point that i forgot to include in the original post. i mentioned that "the problem here is that the notion of his cure implies that one can be cured of sin or the temptation to sin..." that being said, i think that the lines of sexuality that the church has drawn are far from the reality of human existence. this is not some sorry attempt to justify behavior of any sort, nor is it a ploy to shift the church toward liberal thinking. there are plenty of bishops and priests doing that already--especially in the episcopal church. what i am trying to emphasize is that shock therapy, ice baths or even 'intense counseling' cannot change the hard wiring of a person, yet such services can influence and change his resulting actions.

for instance: an alcoholic joins a twelve step program because he has a problem with drinking. he completes the program successfully but what he does NOT say at the end is "i'm no longer an alcoholic." in fact, he is quick to notify others of his former alcoholism so that he can be accountable. he knows that it could only take one drop of gin to push him into drinking himself silly. so his orientation has not changed, but his actions have. do you get the picture?

many will disagree with me on this point. that is fine. we will disagree. i think it is dangerous to categorize a person's sexual identity as one would an addiction. what this does is encourage the idea of an unrealistic cure and when a person, especially a teenager, learns of the illusion, it can create a despair in him that life will not improve and that he will never be normal. perhaps this is why so many people with sexual issues are afraid to talk to people in their churches. they are afraid that they will be thrown into some program far and away from their loved ones, when in actuality they probably just needed to talk to some safe family members, pastors or friends to help through what has been discovered to be quite the common issue in churches these days.

i probably need to give this one a rest.

http://www.denverpost.com/ci_5164921

i do not know how i feel about this. on one hand, i am happy for mr. haggard's alleged healing; but on the other hand i worry about the serious repercussions his most recent statements could have on others who deal with similar issues. i do not take issue with mr. haggard stating that he is not a homosexual, after his three week long intense counseling regime. i do, however, take issue with the implication that mr. haggard was cured of his sexual attraction to men. whether or not this is indeed true, we will never know because it is something that only he can ever truly know.

the problem here is that the notion of his cure implies that one can be cured of sin or the temptation to sin, which we know will never be the case. now certainly it is possible for one to experience healing in a major area of weakness in his life, for one can change his ways and choose not to bow to his own weakness. i believe that counseling can strengthen one's ability to 'fight' even his own desires. the temptation to sin, though, historically has remained with humanity since the initial fall of man. each of us suffers from a different sinful affliction, whether carnal or passive, and generally it is something that we deal with for our whole lives. though our actions might improve and our attitudes might change, we do not wake up one random morning having forgotten completely our problem with sin. we cannot flip a switch and proclaim that all of a sudden everything has changed internally. we know from years of psychological research that such a thought is immature at best.

i hope i do not send a message of pessimism here. that is not my intent. my worry is for that teenager somewhere who is watching all of this take place and thinking that there is a mysterious cure for his or her ailment at some expensive christian retreat in arizona. so, instead of bringing it up with the people around them (friends, family, church...), they will continue to hide in the shadows with their dark secret until their day comes when they are outed and an overseer board checks them into a cure-all facility for the sexually deranged. meanwhile, the youth pastor is still having extra-marital sex and a pastor on staff is addicted to pornography. do you see the problem here? as long as there are humans involved, there will be trouble. we are sinful beings and we need to help each other deal with our sin. in this day in age, it is more appropriate to confess and deal with your sins in a bar than it is to discuss them in church.

finally, i want to address one more issue. the article in the paper stated that mr. haggard and his wife were asked to move away from their home and all of their friends and church family. it was said that because of mr. haggard's 'high profile' it would be best if he did not pursue ministry and that he completed the healing process elsewhere. right away, i sense the obvious problems with this whole line of thinking. the church is sending him off to 'somewhere else' to heal so that it will not be uncomfortable for people. they don't want mr. haggard to be embarrassed and they don't want the church body being reminded of the issue. for a congregation that stresses family, the church does not seem to be acting like one. good families help each other. they don't send each other away when a non life threatening problem arises.

additionally, i find it disturbing that the involved parties are playing the 'high profile' card when they created the monster. that is, they put mr. haggard on a pedestal where he could not ever sin, for he was the face of the church. this whole mentality goes against everything in the new testament as it relates to church. we have created the mega church. we have created the mega pastor. so why then are we shocked by the mega scandal? people sin. pastors sin. we will all continue to sin. as paul dealt with his sin, we will have to deal with our own. we must be able to talk with each other about these things. we must not allow ourselves to be pushed into a position of perfection because the moment we do, we are existing outside of the family of the church.

in conclusion, i am grateful that mr. haggard has people around him who do care. the term 'restoration oversight board' is a bit presumptuous, but if they are helping mr. haggard, then i will pray for them. i greatly respect mr. haggard's wife and family as well, as they have shown loving support for him during this tumultuous time. i respect mr. haggard, personally, for facing up to all of this as a man, and for choosing to stay committed to his wife and family when he could have ran. i trust that providence will make good out of this ordeal, and i hope that the church especially examines itself and takes steps toward forming a more healthy, honest body of believers.