http://www.denverpost.com/ci_5164921

i do not know how i feel about this. on one hand, i am happy for mr. haggard's alleged healing; but on the other hand i worry about the serious repercussions his most recent statements could have on others who deal with similar issues. i do not take issue with mr. haggard stating that he is not a homosexual, after his three week long intense counseling regime. i do, however, take issue with the implication that mr. haggard was cured of his sexual attraction to men. whether or not this is indeed true, we will never know because it is something that only he can ever truly know.

the problem here is that the notion of his cure implies that one can be cured of sin or the temptation to sin, which we know will never be the case. now certainly it is possible for one to experience healing in a major area of weakness in his life, for one can change his ways and choose not to bow to his own weakness. i believe that counseling can strengthen one's ability to 'fight' even his own desires. the temptation to sin, though, historically has remained with humanity since the initial fall of man. each of us suffers from a different sinful affliction, whether carnal or passive, and generally it is something that we deal with for our whole lives. though our actions might improve and our attitudes might change, we do not wake up one random morning having forgotten completely our problem with sin. we cannot flip a switch and proclaim that all of a sudden everything has changed internally. we know from years of psychological research that such a thought is immature at best.

i hope i do not send a message of pessimism here. that is not my intent. my worry is for that teenager somewhere who is watching all of this take place and thinking that there is a mysterious cure for his or her ailment at some expensive christian retreat in arizona. so, instead of bringing it up with the people around them (friends, family, church...), they will continue to hide in the shadows with their dark secret until their day comes when they are outed and an overseer board checks them into a cure-all facility for the sexually deranged. meanwhile, the youth pastor is still having extra-marital sex and a pastor on staff is addicted to pornography. do you see the problem here? as long as there are humans involved, there will be trouble. we are sinful beings and we need to help each other deal with our sin. in this day in age, it is more appropriate to confess and deal with your sins in a bar than it is to discuss them in church.

finally, i want to address one more issue. the article in the paper stated that mr. haggard and his wife were asked to move away from their home and all of their friends and church family. it was said that because of mr. haggard's 'high profile' it would be best if he did not pursue ministry and that he completed the healing process elsewhere. right away, i sense the obvious problems with this whole line of thinking. the church is sending him off to 'somewhere else' to heal so that it will not be uncomfortable for people. they don't want mr. haggard to be embarrassed and they don't want the church body being reminded of the issue. for a congregation that stresses family, the church does not seem to be acting like one. good families help each other. they don't send each other away when a non life threatening problem arises.

additionally, i find it disturbing that the involved parties are playing the 'high profile' card when they created the monster. that is, they put mr. haggard on a pedestal where he could not ever sin, for he was the face of the church. this whole mentality goes against everything in the new testament as it relates to church. we have created the mega church. we have created the mega pastor. so why then are we shocked by the mega scandal? people sin. pastors sin. we will all continue to sin. as paul dealt with his sin, we will have to deal with our own. we must be able to talk with each other about these things. we must not allow ourselves to be pushed into a position of perfection because the moment we do, we are existing outside of the family of the church.

in conclusion, i am grateful that mr. haggard has people around him who do care. the term 'restoration oversight board' is a bit presumptuous, but if they are helping mr. haggard, then i will pray for them. i greatly respect mr. haggard's wife and family as well, as they have shown loving support for him during this tumultuous time. i respect mr. haggard, personally, for facing up to all of this as a man, and for choosing to stay committed to his wife and family when he could have ran. i trust that providence will make good out of this ordeal, and i hope that the church especially examines itself and takes steps toward forming a more healthy, honest body of believers.

this day i was comforted by the words of a friend
the projected doom and gloom of unpleasantry vanished
i am truly grateful for the caring people in my life
and perhaps i must not be so quick to dive into despair

the greatest thing in all the world

it is no wonder that i seem to constantly find myself in disbelief over the selfishness of others. this is not to say, however, that i am without guilt; rather, i know how easy it can be to put oneself before a brother or a friend. now scientific studies are revealing the true nature of humanity: love corrupted. from the very beginning, man spoiled his love simply for the possibility of his greater gain. he gave up his pure form for the chance to jump ahead, to create an appetite for that which he previously did not require. mankind could not know what he surrendered until it was gone, for the cost of his promotion was the realization of his former gift. true love lost.

from thence we saw one another, not as individual human beings with feelings, stories and souls, but rather as opportunities for our personal gain. we look each other in the eye, nodding in empty acknowledgement while pondering what we are going to say about ourselves just as soon as we can cut in on the conversation. we say 'i love you' and 'i love you too.' some of us mean it. some try to mean it. and others are so self indulged that they cannot know the difference. we pity our friend, for his plight is unfortunate. but we "have" to complete our own "to do" lists before we can pull over and give him a lift.

one of the best excuses for the lovelessness of humanity is the need for rest. how many times have i been told 'i must postpone our fellowship, for i am exhausted and i must arise early for work.' in reality the phrase should read 'i have booked my schedule to its fullest, leaving sleep as my only free time; and i have filled my life with all that is really important or beneficial to me, so spending time with you is a chore for which i have not the time.' an exaggeration? perhaps, but probably not. people seem to care for each other only when it is convenient or mandatory, and in either case repayment and reward is expected. genuine love is not convenient, as providence has proven. it requires sacrifice and putting second one's own desires.

i have lived in large city for two and a half decades. throughout the years i have seen many faces, old and new. i have grown up in a community where the greatest distance between two people is one half an hour in length. a metropolis that has forced us, the people into close proximity of one another. for once, convenience is on our side, yet i watch in dismay as we grow further apart. we live in a world where it is more acceptable to cancel our plans with a friend than it is to be late to work. therefore we put ourselves first, our finances first, our food first when we should be more concerned with feeding others.

my frustration regarding this matter continues to grow. i try to tame it but time and again people outdo themselves, acting in such a way that i could never consider for fear of losing a friend. what is unthinkable to some is easy for others. gradually, the sincerity of the caring will outshine the hollowness of the loveless as my patience with narcissism dwindles. i suppose that friendships, relationships, and brotherhoods will continue to morph with the ever changing attitudes of humankind. i only hope that the day does not arrive when these words are considered a part of the dead language.

as i exited the cigar lounge, i noticed that the streets were empty. the people seemed to have all disappeared. then i noticed the most peculiar thing. figures, bodies, poised and serene stood in the windows of the shops lining the avenue. they looked real enough, but i had to be sure. i drew nearer only to discover the certainty of their humanness. no person was alike. each had his own look about him, his own aura, his own attitude. i continued down the street, looking for my match, my compatible companion, and the people never returned from their glass cages...

strange echos have been rebounding off the walls lately
noises that i heard once, but have since forgotten
it is odd that i wish to pursue such curiosities
i only hope it is not a trap; that i do not fall into the abyss

it has been months since i last shed a single tear for you
yet this night, i regret, it has happened once again
it is because of no fault of your own that i lament this
for you are beautiful, as i have stated constantly

i only wish that in some distant life we meet
under no pretence of social normalises
for you were mine and i was yours
if only for a moment, it was truly bliss

beautiful. wonderful. plentiful. pretty.
loving. joyful. caring. tender. gentile.

all of these you are, and you don't know.

two worlds are tearing me apart
though desperation is not in play
i see two paths before me;
one is green and one is grey
i cannot decide where to pitch my tent

it has been over a year now, since the journey began
and i still suffer from the same mirage on the horizon
i travel down an endless road, seeking to find respite
i see a blurry vision of you waiting, with that perfect smile

your eyes pierce mine as our gaze connects
my heart bursts into a sprint so to win the prize
i trip, i fall hard, my face is last to scrape into the ground
my heartbeat slows, the heat lifts, you are gone

i recount these memories with fondness
as if they are a thousand years old and quickly fading
contentment is a choice and slowly i am choosing such
you changed me, i had wished i could protect you

i will still raise my glass to you, my dear friend
for bitterness is not really my thing, it is sad
and there is great joy to be had in loving you still
loving you in a distant way, a healthy disconnect

for derek

my heart is filled with great joy and excitement
providence has chosen to grant our prayers
news of your peril tormented me so
for the loss of your bright light in this world is unimaginable
get well, stay well, my friend
and may peace always surround you

we have been created for a purpose.
this is common knowledge, yet it is rarely formally recognized.
why does this concept cause us fear?
for it this truth which should instill in us sanity.
do i know my purpose? do you know yours?
i think so. we are given clues. gifts. talents. etc.
but it seems easier to run a marathon of distraction.
if only our flight burned calories--everyone would be fit.

there is a red mist gathering on the horizon
blurs of green and mysterious grey appear
there are mountains there, great grassy peaks
nestled up against an infinite ocean
the sea caged only by the distant stormy sky
quiet comes, it breeches the clamour of nature

man is yet a footnote in this place
his touch is rare, and then only a soft brush
creatures of oddity keenly roam the landscape
their perception untainted by industrialization
hope is present on this land, peace is the life force
calm presides as the caretaker of this dreamland

inevitably, this land, it must be reached
for found it is, and i am called, it beckoned me
with my staff in hand i shall forge the precipice before me
once again, the certainty of my return is unclear

....

http://www.nypost.com/seven/01122007/postopinion/editorials/boxers_low_blow_editorials_.htm?page=0

sen. boxer,

clearly you do not deserve to have children or grandchildren, since you would so tastelessly use them as ammo in your second rate political debates. congratulations on making an ass out of yourself. it is those like you who keep me from ingesting the toxic medicine of the liberal prescription. these things should be plainly obvious to you, but then again it must be difficult to step back and take a look at yourself, way up there on your hypocritical high horse. no cheers to you.

sincerely,

good sense

thick and ominous clouds reveal themselves in the distance
only to my surprise they are not at all evil
the smoky skies rest upon nearby mountainscapes
anticipatory hearts wait anxiously for their welcome

...

last night i was attacked as i slumbered. while in repose i felt a dark presence come upon me. i felt a sharp jab in my side, then another. after the third offense i awoke to find a grey being, hooded and cloaked, hunched over my body as lay there. his visage was a cold one, with sharp eyes of piercing black and a cruel grin carved deeply into his rigid jaw. the creature cocked his head to the right, then to the left and proceeded to make a slight hissing sound. it was then that i realized that he was in fact uttering words, a speech so laced with hatred that i did not promptly recognize it as spoken language. as he spoke to me, i tried to discern his communication.

then to my horror, another being--this one a much more severe color of charcoal, swept to my side in front of his predecessor. his countenance was so veiled in the darkness of his garb that i could not make out a single feature. he began to speak in that awful hiss. i knew then the creatures conversed not with me but with each other. did they know i was awake? could they see that i saw them and knew that they were there? did they know i was listening to them?

a long shifty arm of the latter presence extended toward my face. i felt the silky web of a spider brush across my profile. i dared not push it away, for fear of a more terrifying result. after an eternity of a minute or two, a great and dire fear came to rest upon my soul. like a slug exposed to the grains of excruciating salt, my innards writhed in torment. i had to act quickly, for i loathed the jurisprudence of the pair, and i dreaded the swiftness of my demise if i was caught before i could liberate myself.

with a trembling hand i hurriedly made the sign of the cross in front of the lords of doom. i made the sign yet again and again, and upon my final effort my arm, now a heavy bag of sand, fell to the bed--rendered motionless--still as a glassy sea before a storm. i had failed. my only defense was itself defeated before the battle could begin. then, as i lay helpless in my own home, i opened my eyes, previously shut by the hopelessness of my ruin. still paralyzed, i captured a foggy glimpse of the trespassers’' retreat. the ever fainting hiss moved further and further away. a cryptic hand of myst and bone reached out to snatch away my soul in a last act of vengeful desperation. and then it was quiet. i sank deeply into weariness and i drifted into the sleepy abyss.

snow gently falls to caress the earth and blanket our hearts

gentle footprints hint at a sojourner's former path

trees are comforted by their annual companion

and homes are tucked warmly in their angel white beds

today i travel northeast into cooler climates
i hope to find peace and rest in the mountains
crisp clean air to purify my lungs
and then i think i shall smoke my pipe
i shall return on the fourth day

insurance companies are the devil. one pays them thousands of dollars for personal protection and they show their gratitude by giving an obscene gesture of the finger. when it counts, one cannot count on them, for they are fickle and reckless. their sport in holding power over the life of another sickens me. one day, i shall find a way to put these dogs in their place.

and did i mention that i have traded for a new smoking pipe. this shall accompany me on my travels, and soothing leaves will be of great comfort. tis a very true and dear friend, my new churchwarden; one who will quite possibly outlive me.

i sense that a great journey lies in the not too distant future. in which direction shall this voyage take me i do not know, but the destination is sure to be far from home. as i follow this mysterious path i will be sure to encounter new friends, and possibly rediscover some old. it is not the dark secrets of this upcoming adventure that haunt me; rather, it is my uncertainty about my return that causes me concern. i hope i will obtain a reliable map before i bon voyage.

to the mrs. -

it is hard to talk to parents period. i find that as time goes by, the older my parents get, the lines of communication begin to fade. this is not to say that fear or loathing is the cause of such breakdowns, but rather different thinking; our paradigms drift further and further apart. but all of this is just fine. it is what happens in life. it is to be expected. how we deal with these changes is the measure of our fortitude.

with regard to your values, i am encouraged to find that you have put your thoughts into concise rationale. it is in this mode that you will find clarity and peace of mind. concerning the morality of your opinions, there is much to be said about the questionable justifications of others, especially christians, and their respective ultimate goals. on a personal note, i appreciate your unconditional compassion--more than you may know. in response to civil liberties, though, i encourage caution; for often the liberties of one man are the chains of another. and by the way, did you hear that jesus might not have been a republican? apparently it is making waves throughout some communities.

finally, i hail your honesty and your devotion to prayer. you will experience the peace of the almighty simply because you allow providence to pilot your life. you are engaging the difficult questions of life and it is inspiring. i will leave you with these words:

"God calls us to respond to life, not merely to react to it."
-From Finding Peace by Dr. Charles Stanley


-Jack