with regard to all that i have said,
i will stand my ground
i will not back down
my thesis remains ever proven, and i regret nothing
what a glorious night,
a wine filled night, with friends and, well, others
interesting suitably describes new acquaintances
and irresistible are those who have been around
yet at the end of the night
i still find myself hung up on the one
who still holds my heart hostage;
though it is not out of cruelty but of fear
oh the day when i shall be numb to fatal attraction
how i glory in the hope that i will turn out normal
i can taste the freedom of my soul
and it is only a devil's contract away
2/18/2007
2/16/2007
2/08/2007
today it happened. i woke up feeling productive, though still a bit under the weather. i worked out, readied myself for what was sure to be a busy day and proceeded out the door. after catching some much needed rays, i visited a possible abode, bought it, and then checked out some places to rent for the church. i had some success there, especially in sunnyslope. then of course i prepared for sunday, rehearsed the choir and then finally journeyed home. it was indeed a productive day, and for the first time in months i feel as though i accomplished something. oh, and i did not get in a car accident, day one.
2/06/2007
addendum to the previous post
i must add a point that i forgot to include in the original post. i mentioned that "the problem here is that the notion of his cure implies that one can be cured of sin or the temptation to sin..." that being said, i think that the lines of sexuality that the church has drawn are far from the reality of human existence. this is not some sorry attempt to justify behavior of any sort, nor is it a ploy to shift the church toward liberal thinking. there are plenty of bishops and priests doing that already--especially in the episcopal church. what i am trying to emphasize is that shock therapy, ice baths or even 'intense counseling' cannot change the hard wiring of a person, yet such services can influence and change his resulting actions.
for instance: an alcoholic joins a twelve step program because he has a problem with drinking. he completes the program successfully but what he does NOT say at the end is "i'm no longer an alcoholic." in fact, he is quick to notify others of his former alcoholism so that he can be accountable. he knows that it could only take one drop of gin to push him into drinking himself silly. so his orientation has not changed, but his actions have. do you get the picture?
many will disagree with me on this point. that is fine. we will disagree. i think it is dangerous to categorize a person's sexual identity as one would an addiction. what this does is encourage the idea of an unrealistic cure and when a person, especially a teenager, learns of the illusion, it can create a despair in him that life will not improve and that he will never be normal. perhaps this is why so many people with sexual issues are afraid to talk to people in their churches. they are afraid that they will be thrown into some program far and away from their loved ones, when in actuality they probably just needed to talk to some safe family members, pastors or friends to help through what has been discovered to be quite the common issue in churches these days.
i probably need to give this one a rest.
i must add a point that i forgot to include in the original post. i mentioned that "the problem here is that the notion of his cure implies that one can be cured of sin or the temptation to sin..." that being said, i think that the lines of sexuality that the church has drawn are far from the reality of human existence. this is not some sorry attempt to justify behavior of any sort, nor is it a ploy to shift the church toward liberal thinking. there are plenty of bishops and priests doing that already--especially in the episcopal church. what i am trying to emphasize is that shock therapy, ice baths or even 'intense counseling' cannot change the hard wiring of a person, yet such services can influence and change his resulting actions.
for instance: an alcoholic joins a twelve step program because he has a problem with drinking. he completes the program successfully but what he does NOT say at the end is "i'm no longer an alcoholic." in fact, he is quick to notify others of his former alcoholism so that he can be accountable. he knows that it could only take one drop of gin to push him into drinking himself silly. so his orientation has not changed, but his actions have. do you get the picture?
many will disagree with me on this point. that is fine. we will disagree. i think it is dangerous to categorize a person's sexual identity as one would an addiction. what this does is encourage the idea of an unrealistic cure and when a person, especially a teenager, learns of the illusion, it can create a despair in him that life will not improve and that he will never be normal. perhaps this is why so many people with sexual issues are afraid to talk to people in their churches. they are afraid that they will be thrown into some program far and away from their loved ones, when in actuality they probably just needed to talk to some safe family members, pastors or friends to help through what has been discovered to be quite the common issue in churches these days.
i probably need to give this one a rest.
http://www.denverpost.com/ci_5164921
i do not know how i feel about this. on one hand, i am happy for mr. haggard's alleged healing; but on the other hand i worry about the serious repercussions his most recent statements could have on others who deal with similar issues. i do not take issue with mr. haggard stating that he is not a homosexual, after his three week long intense counseling regime. i do, however, take issue with the implication that mr. haggard was cured of his sexual attraction to men. whether or not this is indeed true, we will never know because it is something that only he can ever truly know.
the problem here is that the notion of his cure implies that one can be cured of sin or the temptation to sin, which we know will never be the case. now certainly it is possible for one to experience healing in a major area of weakness in his life, for one can change his ways and choose not to bow to his own weakness. i believe that counseling can strengthen one's ability to 'fight' even his own desires. the temptation to sin, though, historically has remained with humanity since the initial fall of man. each of us suffers from a different sinful affliction, whether carnal or passive, and generally it is something that we deal with for our whole lives. though our actions might improve and our attitudes might change, we do not wake up one random morning having forgotten completely our problem with sin. we cannot flip a switch and proclaim that all of a sudden everything has changed internally. we know from years of psychological research that such a thought is immature at best.
i hope i do not send a message of pessimism here. that is not my intent. my worry is for that teenager somewhere who is watching all of this take place and thinking that there is a mysterious cure for his or her ailment at some expensive christian retreat in arizona. so, instead of bringing it up with the people around them (friends, family, church...), they will continue to hide in the shadows with their dark secret until their day comes when they are outed and an overseer board checks them into a cure-all facility for the sexually deranged. meanwhile, the youth pastor is still having extra-marital sex and a pastor on staff is addicted to pornography. do you see the problem here? as long as there are humans involved, there will be trouble. we are sinful beings and we need to help each other deal with our sin. in this day in age, it is more appropriate to confess and deal with your sins in a bar than it is to discuss them in church.
finally, i want to address one more issue. the article in the paper stated that mr. haggard and his wife were asked to move away from their home and all of their friends and church family. it was said that because of mr. haggard's 'high profile' it would be best if he did not pursue ministry and that he completed the healing process elsewhere. right away, i sense the obvious problems with this whole line of thinking. the church is sending him off to 'somewhere else' to heal so that it will not be uncomfortable for people. they don't want mr. haggard to be embarrassed and they don't want the church body being reminded of the issue. for a congregation that stresses family, the church does not seem to be acting like one. good families help each other. they don't send each other away when a non life threatening problem arises.
additionally, i find it disturbing that the involved parties are playing the 'high profile' card when they created the monster. that is, they put mr. haggard on a pedestal where he could not ever sin, for he was the face of the church. this whole mentality goes against everything in the new testament as it relates to church. we have created the mega church. we have created the mega pastor. so why then are we shocked by the mega scandal? people sin. pastors sin. we will all continue to sin. as paul dealt with his sin, we will have to deal with our own. we must be able to talk with each other about these things. we must not allow ourselves to be pushed into a position of perfection because the moment we do, we are existing outside of the family of the church.
in conclusion, i am grateful that mr. haggard has people around him who do care. the term 'restoration oversight board' is a bit presumptuous, but if they are helping mr. haggard, then i will pray for them. i greatly respect mr. haggard's wife and family as well, as they have shown loving support for him during this tumultuous time. i respect mr. haggard, personally, for facing up to all of this as a man, and for choosing to stay committed to his wife and family when he could have ran. i trust that providence will make good out of this ordeal, and i hope that the church especially examines itself and takes steps toward forming a more healthy, honest body of believers.
i do not know how i feel about this. on one hand, i am happy for mr. haggard's alleged healing; but on the other hand i worry about the serious repercussions his most recent statements could have on others who deal with similar issues. i do not take issue with mr. haggard stating that he is not a homosexual, after his three week long intense counseling regime. i do, however, take issue with the implication that mr. haggard was cured of his sexual attraction to men. whether or not this is indeed true, we will never know because it is something that only he can ever truly know.
the problem here is that the notion of his cure implies that one can be cured of sin or the temptation to sin, which we know will never be the case. now certainly it is possible for one to experience healing in a major area of weakness in his life, for one can change his ways and choose not to bow to his own weakness. i believe that counseling can strengthen one's ability to 'fight' even his own desires. the temptation to sin, though, historically has remained with humanity since the initial fall of man. each of us suffers from a different sinful affliction, whether carnal or passive, and generally it is something that we deal with for our whole lives. though our actions might improve and our attitudes might change, we do not wake up one random morning having forgotten completely our problem with sin. we cannot flip a switch and proclaim that all of a sudden everything has changed internally. we know from years of psychological research that such a thought is immature at best.
i hope i do not send a message of pessimism here. that is not my intent. my worry is for that teenager somewhere who is watching all of this take place and thinking that there is a mysterious cure for his or her ailment at some expensive christian retreat in arizona. so, instead of bringing it up with the people around them (friends, family, church...), they will continue to hide in the shadows with their dark secret until their day comes when they are outed and an overseer board checks them into a cure-all facility for the sexually deranged. meanwhile, the youth pastor is still having extra-marital sex and a pastor on staff is addicted to pornography. do you see the problem here? as long as there are humans involved, there will be trouble. we are sinful beings and we need to help each other deal with our sin. in this day in age, it is more appropriate to confess and deal with your sins in a bar than it is to discuss them in church.
finally, i want to address one more issue. the article in the paper stated that mr. haggard and his wife were asked to move away from their home and all of their friends and church family. it was said that because of mr. haggard's 'high profile' it would be best if he did not pursue ministry and that he completed the healing process elsewhere. right away, i sense the obvious problems with this whole line of thinking. the church is sending him off to 'somewhere else' to heal so that it will not be uncomfortable for people. they don't want mr. haggard to be embarrassed and they don't want the church body being reminded of the issue. for a congregation that stresses family, the church does not seem to be acting like one. good families help each other. they don't send each other away when a non life threatening problem arises.
additionally, i find it disturbing that the involved parties are playing the 'high profile' card when they created the monster. that is, they put mr. haggard on a pedestal where he could not ever sin, for he was the face of the church. this whole mentality goes against everything in the new testament as it relates to church. we have created the mega church. we have created the mega pastor. so why then are we shocked by the mega scandal? people sin. pastors sin. we will all continue to sin. as paul dealt with his sin, we will have to deal with our own. we must be able to talk with each other about these things. we must not allow ourselves to be pushed into a position of perfection because the moment we do, we are existing outside of the family of the church.
in conclusion, i am grateful that mr. haggard has people around him who do care. the term 'restoration oversight board' is a bit presumptuous, but if they are helping mr. haggard, then i will pray for them. i greatly respect mr. haggard's wife and family as well, as they have shown loving support for him during this tumultuous time. i respect mr. haggard, personally, for facing up to all of this as a man, and for choosing to stay committed to his wife and family when he could have ran. i trust that providence will make good out of this ordeal, and i hope that the church especially examines itself and takes steps toward forming a more healthy, honest body of believers.
2/05/2007
2/03/2007
the greatest thing in all the world
it is no wonder that i seem to constantly find myself in disbelief over the selfishness of others. this is not to say, however, that i am without guilt; rather, i know how easy it can be to put oneself before a brother or a friend. now scientific studies are revealing the true nature of humanity: love corrupted. from the very beginning, man spoiled his love simply for the possibility of his greater gain. he gave up his pure form for the chance to jump ahead, to create an appetite for that which he previously did not require. mankind could not know what he surrendered until it was gone, for the cost of his promotion was the realization of his former gift. true love lost.
from thence we saw one another, not as individual human beings with feelings, stories and souls, but rather as opportunities for our personal gain. we look each other in the eye, nodding in empty acknowledgement while pondering what we are going to say about ourselves just as soon as we can cut in on the conversation. we say 'i love you' and 'i love you too.' some of us mean it. some try to mean it. and others are so self indulged that they cannot know the difference. we pity our friend, for his plight is unfortunate. but we "have" to complete our own "to do" lists before we can pull over and give him a lift.
one of the best excuses for the lovelessness of humanity is the need for rest. how many times have i been told 'i must postpone our fellowship, for i am exhausted and i must arise early for work.' in reality the phrase should read 'i have booked my schedule to its fullest, leaving sleep as my only free time; and i have filled my life with all that is really important or beneficial to me, so spending time with you is a chore for which i have not the time.' an exaggeration? perhaps, but probably not. people seem to care for each other only when it is convenient or mandatory, and in either case repayment and reward is expected. genuine love is not convenient, as providence has proven. it requires sacrifice and putting second one's own desires.
i have lived in large city for two and a half decades. throughout the years i have seen many faces, old and new. i have grown up in a community where the greatest distance between two people is one half an hour in length. a metropolis that has forced us, the people into close proximity of one another. for once, convenience is on our side, yet i watch in dismay as we grow further apart. we live in a world where it is more acceptable to cancel our plans with a friend than it is to be late to work. therefore we put ourselves first, our finances first, our food first when we should be more concerned with feeding others.
my frustration regarding this matter continues to grow. i try to tame it but time and again people outdo themselves, acting in such a way that i could never consider for fear of losing a friend. what is unthinkable to some is easy for others. gradually, the sincerity of the caring will outshine the hollowness of the loveless as my patience with narcissism dwindles. i suppose that friendships, relationships, and brotherhoods will continue to morph with the ever changing attitudes of humankind. i only hope that the day does not arrive when these words are considered a part of the dead language.
from thence we saw one another, not as individual human beings with feelings, stories and souls, but rather as opportunities for our personal gain. we look each other in the eye, nodding in empty acknowledgement while pondering what we are going to say about ourselves just as soon as we can cut in on the conversation. we say 'i love you' and 'i love you too.' some of us mean it. some try to mean it. and others are so self indulged that they cannot know the difference. we pity our friend, for his plight is unfortunate. but we "have" to complete our own "to do" lists before we can pull over and give him a lift.
one of the best excuses for the lovelessness of humanity is the need for rest. how many times have i been told 'i must postpone our fellowship, for i am exhausted and i must arise early for work.' in reality the phrase should read 'i have booked my schedule to its fullest, leaving sleep as my only free time; and i have filled my life with all that is really important or beneficial to me, so spending time with you is a chore for which i have not the time.' an exaggeration? perhaps, but probably not. people seem to care for each other only when it is convenient or mandatory, and in either case repayment and reward is expected. genuine love is not convenient, as providence has proven. it requires sacrifice and putting second one's own desires.
i have lived in large city for two and a half decades. throughout the years i have seen many faces, old and new. i have grown up in a community where the greatest distance between two people is one half an hour in length. a metropolis that has forced us, the people into close proximity of one another. for once, convenience is on our side, yet i watch in dismay as we grow further apart. we live in a world where it is more acceptable to cancel our plans with a friend than it is to be late to work. therefore we put ourselves first, our finances first, our food first when we should be more concerned with feeding others.
my frustration regarding this matter continues to grow. i try to tame it but time and again people outdo themselves, acting in such a way that i could never consider for fear of losing a friend. what is unthinkable to some is easy for others. gradually, the sincerity of the caring will outshine the hollowness of the loveless as my patience with narcissism dwindles. i suppose that friendships, relationships, and brotherhoods will continue to morph with the ever changing attitudes of humankind. i only hope that the day does not arrive when these words are considered a part of the dead language.
2/01/2007
as i exited the cigar lounge, i noticed that the streets were empty. the people seemed to have all disappeared. then i noticed the most peculiar thing. figures, bodies, poised and serene stood in the windows of the shops lining the avenue. they looked real enough, but i had to be sure. i drew nearer only to discover the certainty of their humanness. no person was alike. each had his own look about him, his own aura, his own attitude. i continued down the street, looking for my match, my compatible companion, and the people never returned from their glass cages...
1/29/2007
1/28/2007
it has been months since i last shed a single tear for you
yet this night, i regret, it has happened once again
it is because of no fault of your own that i lament this
for you are beautiful, as i have stated constantly
i only wish that in some distant life we meet
under no pretence of social normalises
for you were mine and i was yours
if only for a moment, it was truly bliss
yet this night, i regret, it has happened once again
it is because of no fault of your own that i lament this
for you are beautiful, as i have stated constantly
i only wish that in some distant life we meet
under no pretence of social normalises
for you were mine and i was yours
if only for a moment, it was truly bliss
1/26/2007
1/23/2007
it has been over a year now, since the journey began
and i still suffer from the same mirage on the horizon
i travel down an endless road, seeking to find respite
i see a blurry vision of you waiting, with that perfect smile
your eyes pierce mine as our gaze connects
my heart bursts into a sprint so to win the prize
i trip, i fall hard, my face is last to scrape into the ground
my heartbeat slows, the heat lifts, you are gone
i recount these memories with fondness
as if they are a thousand years old and quickly fading
contentment is a choice and slowly i am choosing such
you changed me, i had wished i could protect you
i will still raise my glass to you, my dear friend
for bitterness is not really my thing, it is sad
and there is great joy to be had in loving you still
loving you in a distant way, a healthy disconnect
and i still suffer from the same mirage on the horizon
i travel down an endless road, seeking to find respite
i see a blurry vision of you waiting, with that perfect smile
your eyes pierce mine as our gaze connects
my heart bursts into a sprint so to win the prize
i trip, i fall hard, my face is last to scrape into the ground
my heartbeat slows, the heat lifts, you are gone
i recount these memories with fondness
as if they are a thousand years old and quickly fading
contentment is a choice and slowly i am choosing such
you changed me, i had wished i could protect you
i will still raise my glass to you, my dear friend
for bitterness is not really my thing, it is sad
and there is great joy to be had in loving you still
loving you in a distant way, a healthy disconnect
1/21/2007
we have been created for a purpose.
this is common knowledge, yet it is rarely formally recognized.
why does this concept cause us fear?
for it this truth which should instill in us sanity.
do i know my purpose? do you know yours?
i think so. we are given clues. gifts. talents. etc.
but it seems easier to run a marathon of distraction.
if only our flight burned calories--everyone would be fit.
this is common knowledge, yet it is rarely formally recognized.
why does this concept cause us fear?
for it this truth which should instill in us sanity.
do i know my purpose? do you know yours?
i think so. we are given clues. gifts. talents. etc.
but it seems easier to run a marathon of distraction.
if only our flight burned calories--everyone would be fit.
1/14/2007
there is a red mist gathering on the horizon
blurs of green and mysterious grey appear
there are mountains there, great grassy peaks
nestled up against an infinite ocean
the sea caged only by the distant stormy sky
quiet comes, it breeches the clamour of nature
man is yet a footnote in this place
his touch is rare, and then only a soft brush
creatures of oddity keenly roam the landscape
their perception untainted by industrialization
hope is present on this land, peace is the life force
calm presides as the caretaker of this dreamland
inevitably, this land, it must be reached
for found it is, and i am called, it beckoned me
with my staff in hand i shall forge the precipice before me
once again, the certainty of my return is unclear
....
blurs of green and mysterious grey appear
there are mountains there, great grassy peaks
nestled up against an infinite ocean
the sea caged only by the distant stormy sky
quiet comes, it breeches the clamour of nature
man is yet a footnote in this place
his touch is rare, and then only a soft brush
creatures of oddity keenly roam the landscape
their perception untainted by industrialization
hope is present on this land, peace is the life force
calm presides as the caretaker of this dreamland
inevitably, this land, it must be reached
for found it is, and i am called, it beckoned me
with my staff in hand i shall forge the precipice before me
once again, the certainty of my return is unclear
....
1/12/2007
http://www.nypost.com/seven/01122007/postopinion/editorials/boxers_low_blow_editorials_.htm?page=0
sen. boxer,
clearly you do not deserve to have children or grandchildren, since you would so tastelessly use them as ammo in your second rate political debates. congratulations on making an ass out of yourself. it is those like you who keep me from ingesting the toxic medicine of the liberal prescription. these things should be plainly obvious to you, but then again it must be difficult to step back and take a look at yourself, way up there on your hypocritical high horse. no cheers to you.
sincerely,
good sense
sen. boxer,
clearly you do not deserve to have children or grandchildren, since you would so tastelessly use them as ammo in your second rate political debates. congratulations on making an ass out of yourself. it is those like you who keep me from ingesting the toxic medicine of the liberal prescription. these things should be plainly obvious to you, but then again it must be difficult to step back and take a look at yourself, way up there on your hypocritical high horse. no cheers to you.
sincerely,
good sense
1/10/2007
thick and ominous clouds reveal themselves in the distance
only to my surprise they are not at all evil
the smoky skies rest upon nearby mountainscapes
anticipatory hearts wait anxiously for their welcome
...
last night i was attacked as i slumbered. while in repose i felt a dark presence come upon me. i felt a sharp jab in my side, then another. after the third offense i awoke to find a grey being, hooded and cloaked, hunched over my body as lay there. his visage was a cold one, with sharp eyes of piercing black and a cruel grin carved deeply into his rigid jaw. the creature cocked his head to the right, then to the left and proceeded to make a slight hissing sound. it was then that i realized that he was in fact uttering words, a speech so laced with hatred that i did not promptly recognize it as spoken language. as he spoke to me, i tried to discern his communication.
then to my horror, another being--this one a much more severe color of charcoal, swept to my
side in front of his predecessor. his countenance was so veiled in the darkness of his garb that i could not make out a single feature. he began to speak in that awful hiss. i knew then the creatures conversed not with me but with each other. did they know i was awake? could they see that i saw them and knew that they were there? did they know i was listening to them?
a long shifty arm of the latter presence extended toward my face. i felt the silky web of a spider brush across my profile. i dared not push it away, for fear of a more terrifying result. after an eternity of a minute or two, a great and dire fear came to rest upon my soul. like a slug exposed to the grains of excruciating salt, my innards writhed in torment. i had to act quickly, for i loathed the jurisprudence of the pair, and i dreaded the swiftness of my demise if i was caught before i could liberate myself.
with a trembling hand i hurriedly made the sign of the cross in front of the lords of doom. i made the sign yet again and again, and upon my final effort my arm, now a heavy bag of sand, fell to the bed--rendered motionless--still as a glassy sea before a storm. i had failed. my only defense was itself defeated before the battle could begin. then, as i lay helpless in my own home, i opened my eyes, previously shut by the hopelessness of my ruin. still paralyzed, i captured a foggy glimpse of the trespassers’' retreat. the ever fainting hiss moved further and further away. a cryptic hand of myst and bone reached out to snatch away my soul in a last act of vengeful desperation. and then it was quiet. i sank deeply into weariness and i drifted into the sleepy abyss.
only to my surprise they are not at all evil
the smoky skies rest upon nearby mountainscapes
anticipatory hearts wait anxiously for their welcome
...
last night i was attacked as i slumbered. while in repose i felt a dark presence come upon me. i felt a sharp jab in my side, then another. after the third offense i awoke to find a grey being, hooded and cloaked, hunched over my body as lay there. his visage was a cold one, with sharp eyes of piercing black and a cruel grin carved deeply into his rigid jaw. the creature cocked his head to the right, then to the left and proceeded to make a slight hissing sound. it was then that i realized that he was in fact uttering words, a speech so laced with hatred that i did not promptly recognize it as spoken language. as he spoke to me, i tried to discern his communication.
then to my horror, another being--this one a much more severe color of charcoal, swept to my
side in front of his predecessor. his countenance was so veiled in the darkness of his garb that i could not make out a single feature. he began to speak in that awful hiss. i knew then the creatures conversed not with me but with each other. did they know i was awake? could they see that i saw them and knew that they were there? did they know i was listening to them?a long shifty arm of the latter presence extended toward my face. i felt the silky web of a spider brush across my profile. i dared not push it away, for fear of a more terrifying result. after an eternity of a minute or two, a great and dire fear came to rest upon my soul. like a slug exposed to the grains of excruciating salt, my innards writhed in torment. i had to act quickly, for i loathed the jurisprudence of the pair, and i dreaded the swiftness of my demise if i was caught before i could liberate myself.
with a trembling hand i hurriedly made the sign of the cross in front of the lords of doom. i made the sign yet again and again, and upon my final effort my arm, now a heavy bag of sand, fell to the bed--rendered motionless--still as a glassy sea before a storm. i had failed. my only defense was itself defeated before the battle could begin. then, as i lay helpless in my own home, i opened my eyes, previously shut by the hopelessness of my ruin. still paralyzed, i captured a foggy glimpse of the trespassers’' retreat. the ever fainting hiss moved further and further away. a cryptic hand of myst and bone reached out to snatch away my soul in a last act of vengeful desperation. and then it was quiet. i sank deeply into weariness and i drifted into the sleepy abyss.
1/05/2007
1/04/2007
1/03/2007
insurance companies are the devil. one pays them thousands of dollars for personal protection and they show their gratitude by giving an obscene gesture of the finger. when it counts, one cannot count on them, for they are fickle and reckless. their sport in holding power over the life of another sickens me. one day, i shall find a way to put these dogs in their place.
1/02/2007
1/01/2007
i sense that a great journey lies in the not too distant future. in which direction shall this voyage take me i do not know, but the destination is sure to be far from home. as i follow this mysterious path i will be sure to encounter new friends, and possibly rediscover some old. it is not the dark secrets of this upcoming adventure that haunt me; rather, it is my uncertainty about my return that causes me concern. i hope i will obtain a reliable map before i bon voyage.
to the mrs. -
it is hard to talk to parents period. i find that as time goes by, the older my parents get, the lines of communication begin to fade. this is not to say that fear or loathing is the cause of such breakdowns, but rather different thinking; our paradigms drift further and further apart. but all of this is just fine. it is what happens in life. it is to be expected. how we deal with these changes is the measure of our fortitude.
with regard to your values, i am encouraged to find that you have put your thoughts into concise rationale. it is in this mode that you will find clarity and peace of mind. concerning the morality of your opinions, there is much to be said about the questionable justifications of others, especially christians, and their respective ultimate goals. on a personal note, i appreciate your unconditional compassion--more than you may know. in response to civil liberties, though, i encourage caution; for often the liberties of one man are the chains of another. and by the way, did you hear that jesus might not have been a republican? apparently it is making waves throughout some communities.
finally, i hail your honesty and your devotion to prayer. you will experience the peace of the almighty simply because you allow providence to pilot your life. you are engaging the difficult questions of life and it is inspiring. i will leave you with these words:
"God calls us to respond to life, not merely to react to it."
-From Finding Peace by Dr. Charles Stanley
-Jack
it is hard to talk to parents period. i find that as time goes by, the older my parents get, the lines of communication begin to fade. this is not to say that fear or loathing is the cause of such breakdowns, but rather different thinking; our paradigms drift further and further apart. but all of this is just fine. it is what happens in life. it is to be expected. how we deal with these changes is the measure of our fortitude.
with regard to your values, i am encouraged to find that you have put your thoughts into concise rationale. it is in this mode that you will find clarity and peace of mind. concerning the morality of your opinions, there is much to be said about the questionable justifications of others, especially christians, and their respective ultimate goals. on a personal note, i appreciate your unconditional compassion--more than you may know. in response to civil liberties, though, i encourage caution; for often the liberties of one man are the chains of another. and by the way, did you hear that jesus might not have been a republican? apparently it is making waves throughout some communities.
finally, i hail your honesty and your devotion to prayer. you will experience the peace of the almighty simply because you allow providence to pilot your life. you are engaging the difficult questions of life and it is inspiring. i will leave you with these words:
"God calls us to respond to life, not merely to react to it."
-From Finding Peace by Dr. Charles Stanley
-Jack
12/31/2006
12/30/2006
this day we have seen even the highest of leaders executed.
though it was probably just, still i cannot agree with a penalty of death.
to rule the life of another, to bring it to its end is a dangerous task
and i most certainly would not be comfortable assuming such a position.
this does however remind us of just how fragile is our existence.
may providence have mercy upon lost souls, as we affirm his singular perfection
though it was probably just, still i cannot agree with a penalty of death.
to rule the life of another, to bring it to its end is a dangerous task
and i most certainly would not be comfortable assuming such a position.
this does however remind us of just how fragile is our existence.
may providence have mercy upon lost souls, as we affirm his singular perfection
the stress of your comfort is too much for me to handle
it seems that even bliss eventually turns to reality
for your sake, you should cut and run, because i have already
it is always only a matter of time before truth and wishful thinking collide
he told me that i had wonderful, beautiful dreams
dreams for which he was happy; pure imagination of endless limits
you reckoned my dreaming, though; you asked me to reconsider
my greatest dreams must not have pleased you; they did not serve you
this is how realism pushes its way through relationships
emotional blocks are not built; just uncovered for all to see
for the brave soul meets another in fellowship
and the antagonist walks away in disdain
12/25/2006
with great haste my heart seeks company
ancient times and distant music speak softly to me
hearty fellowship breeds a confidence so elegant
and mere kindness is kindled in the fires of love
blue eyes gently sweep across a vast divide
giving light to the hopeless and inspiring passion
a soul quietly peers upon possibility and the unknown
while the mind holds fast to reasonable reckoning
enter the grey cool mist of night, ever pervading the clear
the uncertainty of the fog now rests in the place of logic
and yet again, all fates are in the hands of providence
ancient times and distant music speak softly to me
hearty fellowship breeds a confidence so elegant
and mere kindness is kindled in the fires of love
blue eyes gently sweep across a vast divide
giving light to the hopeless and inspiring passion
a soul quietly peers upon possibility and the unknown
while the mind holds fast to reasonable reckoning
enter the grey cool mist of night, ever pervading the clear
the uncertainty of the fog now rests in the place of logic
and yet again, all fates are in the hands of providence
rejoice! tonight we rang the bells of heav'n
this eve we danced the timeless tale of the babe
our spirits joined with all creation to pay homage
myrrh, frankincense and gold were lavished upon him
this night we heard the meaning. the subtext of the story.
how kings and countrymen related in such glory
we took bread and wine to participate in the continuing holy saga
and our hearts were contented with the fulfillment of providence
gloria. gloria. gloria.
to him in the highest.
peace and goodness on the earth.
gloria. gloria. gloria.
this eve we danced the timeless tale of the babe
our spirits joined with all creation to pay homage
myrrh, frankincense and gold were lavished upon him
this night we heard the meaning. the subtext of the story.
how kings and countrymen related in such glory
we took bread and wine to participate in the continuing holy saga
and our hearts were contented with the fulfillment of providence
gloria. gloria. gloria.
to him in the highest.
peace and goodness on the earth.
gloria. gloria. gloria.
12/21/2006
12/14/2006
this world has truly been turned upside down. wars, terror, racism and religious persecution wreak havoc on the nations and evil roams the earth. ironically, it is the hand of humanity that feeds the angry dogs let loose by the prince of darkness. mankind in turn ignorantly blames his fellow brother for his own misdeeds and misfortune, just as it was so at the time of his initial fall.
the world has crowned the actor king and the politician has become the priest. entertainment is now the modus operandi of the generations. god is a three letter word that should not be used in public. morality is word from a dead language. family connotates political conservatism and marriage consists of all things whimsical. infants are merely charitable organisms to be had by science; their willing tissues sacrificed to appease the master of humankind, dis-ease, that man might fulfill his own selfish desire to exist more pleasantly.
the sons of adam and the daughters of eve appear to have failed as the stewards of this earth. fortunately, final salvation is not contingent upon passing such a test.
the world has crowned the actor king and the politician has become the priest. entertainment is now the modus operandi of the generations. god is a three letter word that should not be used in public. morality is word from a dead language. family connotates political conservatism and marriage consists of all things whimsical. infants are merely charitable organisms to be had by science; their willing tissues sacrificed to appease the master of humankind, dis-ease, that man might fulfill his own selfish desire to exist more pleasantly.
the sons of adam and the daughters of eve appear to have failed as the stewards of this earth. fortunately, final salvation is not contingent upon passing such a test.
12/11/2006
as i said, keeping the balance is difficult in this life
one can only hold the anchor for so long before he falters
but it is to be expected, though it is not easy to accept
and one can only continue, beaten, down the weary path
the human perspective is a curious thing, for it deceives
this oddity is often the cause of war and bloodshed
for rarely do warring parties agree why they fight each other
and often both are justified in the very end, and rightly so
one cannot always get what he wants in this life or the next
in fact it would not be good for a person to be completely want free
it is such natural desires, though, that plague the heart
the best consolation is that perhaps not all ends here
one can only hold the anchor for so long before he falters
but it is to be expected, though it is not easy to accept
and one can only continue, beaten, down the weary path
the human perspective is a curious thing, for it deceives
this oddity is often the cause of war and bloodshed
for rarely do warring parties agree why they fight each other
and often both are justified in the very end, and rightly so
one cannot always get what he wants in this life or the next
in fact it would not be good for a person to be completely want free
it is such natural desires, though, that plague the heart
the best consolation is that perhaps not all ends here
12/08/2006
winter scarves, wool pants, warm car coats
these and others, perhaps a pipe and some warm whisky
all are present at this gathering of thoughtful consorts
books and such are the subjects of delightful conversation
one can only appreciate keeping warm in the cold months
if he is subject to the frigid air itself; kept at bay to the freeze
this is why, i suppose, that i do enjoy sitting in frosty weather
while sipping hot tea, clothed in the embrace of gentle furs
these and others, perhaps a pipe and some warm whisky
all are present at this gathering of thoughtful consorts
books and such are the subjects of delightful conversation
one can only appreciate keeping warm in the cold months
if he is subject to the frigid air itself; kept at bay to the freeze
this is why, i suppose, that i do enjoy sitting in frosty weather
while sipping hot tea, clothed in the embrace of gentle furs
2/28/2006
i have been away...
most glorious one
i am wholly indebted to you
i could never come close to repaying you
you do not ask it from me
though i feel eternally compelled to offer
you have been calling me, signaling me
i am sorry i have not answered, i turned away
as tears flow gently from my eyes
i am drawn unto you through an unlikely source
i have felt your pleadings in recent days
in my mind i knew my travels were set to cease
i can see home in the horizon, its familiar glow
i am returning there, after being away for months
as i look to my feet i notice i am not walking
i am being carried by you, ushered to the end
i do not deserve this, for death is my wages
you give so freely to an ungrateful soul
even as i left you so that i might perish in my selfishness
you guarded me, you guided me through unimaginable dangers
death fell upon me and you brought me up from its grasp
such darkness pierced by your infinite light
and now here i am, broken, battered... and such time wasted
i have longed for that which does not edify, temporal cares
my sights set on the false world of earthly wealth and riches
while you still suffer from the pain of your death by my cruel hand
i plead now for your mercy, your forgiveness, your rescue
i realize these as i lie helpless in your arms, unable to move
words cannot begin to convey my anguish for my own rebellion
may the god of peace grant me swift death unto myself, renewal
oh providence i am in need of your assistance
i cannot live in this world on my own, i fall
bestow upon me brave wisdom to surrender
transform my animosity into a generous love
sanctify me by your spirit, oh true and only savior
mend my wounds which cloud my return
regenerate my soul into your perfect peace
and keep calm the waters which now lie still
o magnificent one, send forth your peace
2/25/2006
our high horse
we put on airs, pretending we are better
we put on slacks, claiming a "witness for christ"
we blasphemy in our selfish and gossipy prayers, calling it "concern"
we say we are someone who we are not; we claim to be "christians"
how unfortunate that we call ourselves apart of god's team
since our affiliation must frequently embarrass him
we try to pass laws decrying acts of sodomy and the like
we attempt to separate the smokers from the saved
such hypocrites we are! reprehensible to say the least
and the len munsels of this world are leading the way
well i am not following; i will not be misguided, misled
so from now on, it is not we, but you, you who are blind
el sendero de menos resitance
...he continued on the journey
meeting several acquaintances along the way
his steps brought him to a fork in the road
where he took courage and made a decision
he took the path of least resistance, or so he thought
he ventured into an ideal situation, basking in joy
reality had checked out; bliss had come to stay forever
the mask of peace fell gently upon his path
and the bombs bursting in the distance disappeared into the horizon
life is a motion picture, a ceaseless work of personal cinematography
someday the reel will run its course, applause will follow, and the screen will go dark
meeting several acquaintances along the way
his steps brought him to a fork in the road
where he took courage and made a decision
he took the path of least resistance, or so he thought
he ventured into an ideal situation, basking in joy
reality had checked out; bliss had come to stay forever
the mask of peace fell gently upon his path
and the bombs bursting in the distance disappeared into the horizon
life is a motion picture, a ceaseless work of personal cinematography
someday the reel will run its course, applause will follow, and the screen will go dark
2/24/2006
i have found my way
or i think i have...
life is an ever changing flower, growing new and different daily. you think you are an orchid, costly and beautiful, but then the petals of a daisy spring forth and your mind is tricked. the wretched yellows of a sunflower try to push their way out, but you hold them back pretending they are not there. then when you least expect it a dandelion tries to have its way with you which brings you to simply pluck it out of its birth. i am beginning to think that i will not remain a flower, but that i will burst out like a mighty phoenix, flying amidst an array of fiery color, passion. i was not meant to stay on the ground...
life is an ever changing flower, growing new and different daily. you think you are an orchid, costly and beautiful, but then the petals of a daisy spring forth and your mind is tricked. the wretched yellows of a sunflower try to push their way out, but you hold them back pretending they are not there. then when you least expect it a dandelion tries to have its way with you which brings you to simply pluck it out of its birth. i am beginning to think that i will not remain a flower, but that i will burst out like a mighty phoenix, flying amidst an array of fiery color, passion. i was not meant to stay on the ground...
2/20/2006
is it here?
i think it is... finally here!
a corner has been turned. a new era has arrived. however it can be comprehended, something has occurred. a change. a change that will affect the masses, and even me. a flame has been lit, and it will take a strong wind to extinguish this great candle. more than a glimmer of hope; rather, a strong sense of purpose in a future. as the chords of life progress in such a natural manner, i glide on the great crest of a wave toward the unfathomable. peace.
2/18/2006
alec blowing-wind
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/alec-baldwin/will-they-go-to-court_b_15875.html
mr. baldwin,
we america are so grateful for the great services that you and your family have already given us as actors in some of the greatest movies of all time! please, do not continue to sacrifice yourselves for our sake! you deserve retirement. we truly appreciate you!
2/16/2006
the ever burning candle
there is nothing in this world like a good friend. after the winds of war have blown your way, you run--tired and battered--into the loving and caring arms of your true companion. all the cares of the world slip away in that moment of bliss. you step into a garden of pure contentment. the forays which formerly hassled you are now distant memories, floating to permanent exile. true love is what it is, but true friendship provides sustenance, nutrition. it is organic in nature and it cleanses the spirit. how i am grateful for such a thing. for no respite is to be found in this hellish life, but the glimmer of hope that shines from a good friend burns through all darkness.
2/14/2006
i'm sick of it
well it's official
i'm surrounded by generations of whiners
i hear them scream their thoughtless diatribes
and know not why they cry
war is life and life is hell, so get over it
i hear them complain of government
i hear them speak of injustice
then they blast their parents with disrespect
justifying their ill speak with rationale of a spoiled brat
you hypocrites. peace and love, except to those who you hate
at the end of the day, i forgive you
your propaganda is thrown in my face
but i stick to my principles and love all
i'm no saint and certainly i have experienced hatred
you will die unhappy though, as joy is hidden by your dark eyes
2/13/2006
breaking free
queen said it best
i want to break free from your lies
god knows i want to break free
and i did fall in love for the first time
i knew it was real, god knows
god knows i fell in love
but when it counted, time fell through
and the winds of fate ripped our sails
we sat idly upon the glassy sea
now late nights and good movies accompany me
and we all are experiencing this simultaneously
yet we cannot carry each other, we would drown
this beaten trail which reveals itself new to me
has pricked the beings of those long before me
and my superb vision is actually my blindness
i am young, though years are adding up
and my wits are only what i make of them
my tongue still sharp as it was the day it was forged
the acid of truth and realization burns in my stomach
the reflux of all that i wish were different surfaces
there is no cure of the living for this disease
yet i find my smile, i find my charm, my name
i fill my boots, and measure up, or i pretend
either way i satisfy the demand, of who, i know not
there is this providence, which, is in fact there
yet months can slip by, days are nothing apart
i will return, i think, someday, i hope, i plan
i want to break free
i want to break free from your lies
god knows i want to break free
and i did fall in love for the first time
i knew it was real, god knows
god knows i fell in love
but when it counted, time fell through
and the winds of fate ripped our sails
we sat idly upon the glassy sea
now late nights and good movies accompany me
and we all are experiencing this simultaneously
yet we cannot carry each other, we would drown
this beaten trail which reveals itself new to me
has pricked the beings of those long before me
and my superb vision is actually my blindness
i am young, though years are adding up
and my wits are only what i make of them
my tongue still sharp as it was the day it was forged
the acid of truth and realization burns in my stomach
the reflux of all that i wish were different surfaces
there is no cure of the living for this disease
yet i find my smile, i find my charm, my name
i fill my boots, and measure up, or i pretend
either way i satisfy the demand, of who, i know not
there is this providence, which, is in fact there
yet months can slip by, days are nothing apart
i will return, i think, someday, i hope, i plan
i want to break free
2/07/2006
i hope people talk politics at my funeral
How incredibly tacky... And I'm not talking about the suit. Keep em down, "Reverend," keep em down so they neva get up! As long as they scayed by what you say, they ain't neva gonna get out da hood.
What a disgrace. Too bad no one called you out. And props to the prez for sitting through that bullshit. Keep going. Keep trying to destroy what Dr. King tried so hard to build.
2/05/2006
This guy hates freedom(s)
Uhhuh. Don't you love how these "opressed" upper middle class folks pose for the cameras to get a "candid" shot. It's all entertainment, this just comes in the form of "news" as opposed to a movie. Personally, I'd rather be watching Angelina Jolie.wow
Really? Well why don't you take a lesson from what WE do when you do what you did on 9/11. I dare you.1/24/2006
there is a glimmer
of hope in the distance
though it looks much different than expected
but then again, it's life
though it looks much different than expected
but then again, it's life
1/23/2006
i am dry
and water is all around me
yet i cannot drink of it
because it is for "whites only"
and my color does not match
left alone in this burning haze
i do not see myself in the mirror
happiness and elation, distant memories
my greatest fears weigh upon me
i move on; i pick myself up, or drag myself
and pull myself to safety, or so i think
that i used to do often also, not now though
and the harbinger of death gently passes by
drama, drama everywhere, i've had too much to drink
and this passing phase shall end, but not without great loss
where do we go from here? this is not what we expected to be
one cannot appreciate the top until he has seen the utter bottom
cheers.
yet i cannot drink of it
because it is for "whites only"
and my color does not match
left alone in this burning haze
i do not see myself in the mirror
happiness and elation, distant memories
my greatest fears weigh upon me
i move on; i pick myself up, or drag myself
and pull myself to safety, or so i think
that i used to do often also, not now though
and the harbinger of death gently passes by
drama, drama everywhere, i've had too much to drink
and this passing phase shall end, but not without great loss
where do we go from here? this is not what we expected to be
one cannot appreciate the top until he has seen the utter bottom
cheers.
1/22/2006
you say...
you said that this just is not you
yet your actions prove otherwise
i see that you are conflicted, confused
and i hope you find some resolve
not only for your sake,
but for those around you whom are suffering
yet your actions prove otherwise
i see that you are conflicted, confused
and i hope you find some resolve
not only for your sake,
but for those around you whom are suffering
1/20/2006
...
it is not secret, it is not safe
this ring which i has fallen from my finger
my hopes rest in the hands of the stranger
who found my ring and now looks upon it curiously
i wish i could have my ring back
for its security grasped me tightly, with comfort
and now i am naked in an icestorm
with only the blood from my bleeding heart to keep me warm
this ring which i has fallen from my finger
my hopes rest in the hands of the stranger
who found my ring and now looks upon it curiously
i wish i could have my ring back
for its security grasped me tightly, with comfort
and now i am naked in an icestorm
with only the blood from my bleeding heart to keep me warm
about cursing...
so i have never actually uttered a person curse before tonight...
that is, i have never said, "damn you" or "f*#$ you" to anyone.
before tonight.
but i had good reason. well, i don't suppose any reason
is a good one to sin; but nonetheless, i did it
and i am admitting it here, before peers, for all to see
to you who i did curse this eve, i apologize;
but i will have no faith in you, trust is lost
it was nice once being your friend.
what happened? did i offend?
i certainly would not have attacked you
in such a force so as to humiliate you.
i hope that you realize that anger did not
dominate me tonight; yet tears, tears of sadness
you inflicted me with the harshest of pain
and words will not stop the tears.
for you have compromised the damn,
you have unleashed the hurt, the pain
you have without reason unleashed hell upon me,
hurt. hurt. hurt. i cannot compose words strong enough.
that is, i have never said, "damn you" or "f*#$ you" to anyone.
before tonight.
but i had good reason. well, i don't suppose any reason
is a good one to sin; but nonetheless, i did it
and i am admitting it here, before peers, for all to see
to you who i did curse this eve, i apologize;
but i will have no faith in you, trust is lost
it was nice once being your friend.
what happened? did i offend?
i certainly would not have attacked you
in such a force so as to humiliate you.
i hope that you realize that anger did not
dominate me tonight; yet tears, tears of sadness
you inflicted me with the harshest of pain
and words will not stop the tears.
for you have compromised the damn,
you have unleashed the hurt, the pain
you have without reason unleashed hell upon me,
hurt. hurt. hurt. i cannot compose words strong enough.
uhh... you thought i wouldn't find out...
ummm... if perchance you thought i was too stupid to find out
you were mistaken my dear. although i hope you realize
right about now, that i did not utter word one about you.
i hope that digs in, to the deepest of your soul, and if not,
well, you're heartlesssay you're sorry all you want, but i know the truth...
you would not have said it if you were sorry.
let me just try to convey to you the pain you have inflicted
and i seek no apology; for i expect nothing from which is nothing
betrayal, betrayal, such strong words
"such strong words, jack," i was told...
obviously not so very strong that the closest of friends
could utter them at a moment's glance
you have hurt me. congratulations.
i hope you are happy.
i am not.
i am sure that gives you consolation at this point.
1/18/2006
i move on
slowly i come to grasp
the truly sad fact of absence, of a void
and i raise an eyebrow and my lip slightly grins
eight days and counting, my head returns
tomorrow i suppose i shall be further along
"further" seems to be a relevant word currently
i can now stand, i think of other things, of tasks
and i look to the dawn on the ninth day, for hope
the truly sad fact of absence, of a void
and i raise an eyebrow and my lip slightly grins
eight days and counting, my head returns
tomorrow i suppose i shall be further along
"further" seems to be a relevant word currently
i can now stand, i think of other things, of tasks
and i look to the dawn on the ninth day, for hope
1/11/2006
1/10/2006
whatev...
i fell into your life like rain upon a cobblestone path
my joy was that which threatens to become dangerous
for that i tried to quit you, i turned the other way
then suddenly there we were, and we were there
in a few short days i experienced honest elation
then ultimately i felt the greatest pain of my life
life has come crashing down upon me
and now i am slowly suffocating to death in the rubble
it was such a wonderful present
and now it has been taken back, returned
i knew this was possible, just not so soon
time cut short this journey, and death is apparent
down down, he tumbles, all the way to the ground
he cannot feel anything, for when he does
he only feels the pain of stinging death
ruining him, yet never generous enough to kill him
my joy was that which threatens to become dangerous
for that i tried to quit you, i turned the other way
then suddenly there we were, and we were there
in a few short days i experienced honest elation
then ultimately i felt the greatest pain of my life
life has come crashing down upon me
and now i am slowly suffocating to death in the rubble
it was such a wonderful present
and now it has been taken back, returned
i knew this was possible, just not so soon
time cut short this journey, and death is apparent
down down, he tumbles, all the way to the ground
he cannot feel anything, for when he does
he only feels the pain of stinging death
ruining him, yet never generous enough to kill him
it is finished
the story has ended, and the ending is sad
my heart longs not to feel, to end itself
i open my eyes and tears fall out
i close them and my soul stings from loss
burn burn, burned
i did not understand before, now...i wish i did not, it cost too much"
and he fell from the mountain top into the far reaches of nothingness"
When you try your best but you don't succeed
When you get what you want but not what you need
When you feel so tired but you can't sleep
Stuck in reverse
And the tears come streaming down your face
When you lose something you can't replace
When you love someone but it goes to waste
Could it be worse?
Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you
And high up above or down below
When you're too in love to let it go
But if you never try you'll never know
Just what you're worth
Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you
my heart longs not to feel, to end itself
i open my eyes and tears fall out
i close them and my soul stings from loss
burn burn, burned
i did not understand before, now...i wish i did not, it cost too much"
and he fell from the mountain top into the far reaches of nothingness"
When you try your best but you don't succeed
When you get what you want but not what you need
When you feel so tired but you can't sleep
Stuck in reverse
And the tears come streaming down your face
When you lose something you can't replace
When you love someone but it goes to waste
Could it be worse?
Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you
And high up above or down below
When you're too in love to let it go
But if you never try you'll never know
Just what you're worth
Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you
peace
what joy has covered my heart
peace flows in a different way
my eyes are settled upon a rock
a true refuge for my being
words cannot be contrived to express my joy
i am in an aweful bliss; a true haven of comfort
my heart flips at the sound of your voice
my soul waits patiently for your embrace
1/07/2006
happy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
oh, he approaches the edge and there is water down below
and he knows he will safely land in the cradling arms of the water
soft will be his landing, and joyful will be his future
for he has come to the realization of his most desired dreams
and the sweet sweet caress of the clouds surrounds him
for his bliss is endless, his cares are lost to the wind
he has tasted the gentle lips of honesty
as his thirst for truth has been quenched
oh happy, happy day of goodness, of excitement
what can be as great as this, not the greatest holiday
but truly today his heart heals, the wounds of sorrow mend
grief and disbelief depart him for their grasp is no more
and he knows he will safely land in the cradling arms of the water
soft will be his landing, and joyful will be his future
for he has come to the realization of his most desired dreams
and the sweet sweet caress of the clouds surrounds him
for his bliss is endless, his cares are lost to the wind
he has tasted the gentle lips of honesty
as his thirst for truth has been quenched
oh happy, happy day of goodness, of excitement
what can be as great as this, not the greatest holiday
but truly today his heart heals, the wounds of sorrow mend
grief and disbelief depart him for their grasp is no more
1/04/2006
i cannot help but think that there must be some semblance of hope in the future. i seem to always resolve to be positive, though i try my best to be a pessimist. it must have something to do with the music that i am listening to. it always seems to melt my heart. i don't want to talk. about things we've gone through. though it's hurting me. now it's history. i've played all my cards. and that's what you've done too. nothing more to say. no more ace to play. the winner takes it all. the loser's standing small. beside the victory, that's our destiny.
cheers and goodnight.
j
cheers and goodnight.
j
1/02/2006
why...
you are tired, you are poor
you are sick, you are cold
you hunger without respite
you forever thirst
yet you will not take the antidote
you are sick, you are cold
you hunger without respite
you forever thirst
yet you will not take the antidote
12/31/2005
a home for happiness
a song calls out in the winter's night, but to no avail
for a lad cries deeply, his tears turning to ice as they fall
he knows not love nor joy, but only true sorrow and pain
he cannot experience life as the others are more than able
the boy settles into the comfort of his own nightmare
he knows his fate, his true feelings and his own wants
choose he did not his own suffering, but they are still his
and for his lifetime, his own personality will torment him
doctors, scientists, and clergymen all try to fix him
but their potions cannot provide a salve for his wounds
for they are eternal, as the markings in the great lamb's book
and his markings will be with him throughout the ages
what happiness does this boy have, what dreams can survive?
do his own aspirations and desires die with the holy flame?
when will he know to step forward, back, up, down, or aside?
how can he know, when the realities of life torment him so?
for a lad cries deeply, his tears turning to ice as they fall
he knows not love nor joy, but only true sorrow and pain
he cannot experience life as the others are more than able
the boy settles into the comfort of his own nightmare
he knows his fate, his true feelings and his own wants
choose he did not his own suffering, but they are still his
and for his lifetime, his own personality will torment him
doctors, scientists, and clergymen all try to fix him
but their potions cannot provide a salve for his wounds
for they are eternal, as the markings in the great lamb's book
and his markings will be with him throughout the ages
what happiness does this boy have, what dreams can survive?
do his own aspirations and desires die with the holy flame?
when will he know to step forward, back, up, down, or aside?
how can he know, when the realities of life torment him so?
12/19/2005
something lighter
there is a certain dream to which i cling
it speaks of calm, cool, and clouds
if only i could jump into it head first
but alas my earthly dwelling keeps me
were i able to run the race slightly faster
i might arrive to my new utopia early
my thoughts frequently cherish this thought
but alas my earthly dweeling keeps me
for now i shall stay, quiet, sometimes loud
and i will keep watch of my surroundings
minding my balance, agility, and footwork
while my earthly dwelling keeps me
12/18/2005
a good bit of trash to sort through...
http://www.time.com/time/personoftheyear/2005/people/
honestly, it's hilarious what objective journalism means today. this piece above is great. see if you can find the obvious hidden point of this piece. it is entitled, "people who mattered 2005."
time magazine is trash anyways, but i did get a kick in reading their little tidbits about the people who "mattered." the usual can be expected: liberals and bush haters were glorified; anyone associated with republicans, well you know what happened to them. i am not saying that these people did not matter, but it was in the write ups about them that the editor's true biased feelings came out. what surprised me the most is that the editor had more positive things to say about iran's anti-semitic president who has been threatening the use of nuclear arms than he did about George W Bush. i can understand people's dislike for our president, but come on, he is not out there saying hateful things about anyone. no one here would let him get away with that. he is not threatening the world with nuclear arms like a little child throwing a tantrum. wake up people, and stop playing the fool.
just a side note here. the time will come when lines will again be drawn against israel and jews in general. where will you stand? i tell you, that i shall not call friend anyone who does not stand in solidarity with israel. i will not even have to think about it. it is a problem that is escalating and i will be intolerant of it.
what has the world come to? are people so blind? yes, yes indeed they are. it is so simple, but people do not want to see things for what they really are (right and wrong), especially when it will call into question the morality of their lifestyle. pride is an awful thing.
honestly, it's hilarious what objective journalism means today. this piece above is great. see if you can find the obvious hidden point of this piece. it is entitled, "people who mattered 2005."
time magazine is trash anyways, but i did get a kick in reading their little tidbits about the people who "mattered." the usual can be expected: liberals and bush haters were glorified; anyone associated with republicans, well you know what happened to them. i am not saying that these people did not matter, but it was in the write ups about them that the editor's true biased feelings came out. what surprised me the most is that the editor had more positive things to say about iran's anti-semitic president who has been threatening the use of nuclear arms than he did about George W Bush. i can understand people's dislike for our president, but come on, he is not out there saying hateful things about anyone. no one here would let him get away with that. he is not threatening the world with nuclear arms like a little child throwing a tantrum. wake up people, and stop playing the fool.
just a side note here. the time will come when lines will again be drawn against israel and jews in general. where will you stand? i tell you, that i shall not call friend anyone who does not stand in solidarity with israel. i will not even have to think about it. it is a problem that is escalating and i will be intolerant of it.
what has the world come to? are people so blind? yes, yes indeed they are. it is so simple, but people do not want to see things for what they really are (right and wrong), especially when it will call into question the morality of their lifestyle. pride is an awful thing.
12/17/2005
pretending the feds eavesdropping was a secret...
congrats america! you have won the title of ignoramus... whoever of you that is actually did not have some idea about the feds eavesdropping on emails, etc. we knew about that years ago, it is old news. of course now it is simply another tirade against bush to try to destroy him, though he is leaving already in 2008! that is why i think the democrats and liberals in this nation who are partied to that kind of behavior to be foolish. they are trying to stop a horse that is at the end of the race, and if they would wake up they would realize the horse has already won.
an enormous election took place in iraq these last days, but you will not hear about that on any of news corporation owned television stations, which are all of the television stations! if you took a poll today (and one was just recently taken) in iraq, it would reflect an overwhelming positive attitude about what america did in that country. sure, you will have the minority angry voice (which by the way is the same voice that made saddam president of iraq in the first place :) but the largest voice of the people is their vote, and iraqis have voted for freedom.
these things do not matter to those who are trying to see to it that our nation self-destructs. they would rather see that happen so they could blame bush than see a safe nation with a president with whom they might not agree. they are unable to deal with these things with reason. they are immature. not logical. ignoramuses.
by the way, any of you who feel supremely violated that the feds have been "spying" on you should read the patriot act. many times, people do not actually read the bills which have been passed, which causes them to make ignorant statements about later upsets such as this one. while you are at it, you should take another look at the constitution and the bill of rights.
an enormous election took place in iraq these last days, but you will not hear about that on any of news corporation owned television stations, which are all of the television stations! if you took a poll today (and one was just recently taken) in iraq, it would reflect an overwhelming positive attitude about what america did in that country. sure, you will have the minority angry voice (which by the way is the same voice that made saddam president of iraq in the first place :) but the largest voice of the people is their vote, and iraqis have voted for freedom.
these things do not matter to those who are trying to see to it that our nation self-destructs. they would rather see that happen so they could blame bush than see a safe nation with a president with whom they might not agree. they are unable to deal with these things with reason. they are immature. not logical. ignoramuses.
by the way, any of you who feel supremely violated that the feds have been "spying" on you should read the patriot act. many times, people do not actually read the bills which have been passed, which causes them to make ignorant statements about later upsets such as this one. while you are at it, you should take another look at the constitution and the bill of rights.
you think you have seen me angry...
people, including myself, do not think before they speak
too often words are spent as if they cost nothing originally
words are in fact precious, and should be used carefully
i know too well the damaging effect of words
whether i have been the attacker or have been myself afflicted
i know the carnage the tongue wreaks upon human beings
as this person that no earthly body truly knows
i can say words have tarnished me, eroded my soul
silently i have let the lexis reach deep into my heart
ripping to shreds all decency and humanity
i watch quietly as the hostilities occur
patiently, i let my spirits falter, die before my eyes
then i watch any hope i had, slip away into the dark
painfully seeking out new shelter, only to find none
my lifeblood thickens, it does not reach all my limbs
from there i find peace in letting myself go, the light cometh
but i still wonder what dreams might have come
too often words are spent as if they cost nothing originally
words are in fact precious, and should be used carefully
i know too well the damaging effect of words
whether i have been the attacker or have been myself afflicted
i know the carnage the tongue wreaks upon human beings
as this person that no earthly body truly knows
i can say words have tarnished me, eroded my soul
silently i have let the lexis reach deep into my heart
ripping to shreds all decency and humanity
i watch quietly as the hostilities occur
patiently, i let my spirits falter, die before my eyes
then i watch any hope i had, slip away into the dark
painfully seeking out new shelter, only to find none
my lifeblood thickens, it does not reach all my limbs
from there i find peace in letting myself go, the light cometh
but i still wonder what dreams might have come
what do you think?
you do not know
you do not know me
you cannot possibly know
do not think that for one moment you know
you are pompous to think so
what passes through your eyes as simple
treads heavily on my soul, indefinitely
and you cannot possibly know
i will never forsake the bonds of true friendship
i do not care what others will say, gossip
for i know who has been there, who will be there
and who will not
as these frustrations mount, i can only think of one place
high up in the mountains i wish i could be, far from this
i long to be with company, yet i long to be alone
those who smirk at my ire are ruthless
heartless beings that matter none to me, eternity
their cruelty catches me not, i fly onward
brash you may call me, but then you have not called
so stuff your nonsensicalness and be through with me
for i was long before finished with you
i digress, i come to the end of this rant
it sounds angry i know, but it is laced with certain truth
i will go on, with or without, i will go, though i might fall
i will indeed fly before the end, i tell you, i will fly
you do not know me
you cannot possibly know
do not think that for one moment you know
you are pompous to think so
what passes through your eyes as simple
treads heavily on my soul, indefinitely
and you cannot possibly know
i will never forsake the bonds of true friendship
i do not care what others will say, gossip
for i know who has been there, who will be there
and who will not
as these frustrations mount, i can only think of one place
high up in the mountains i wish i could be, far from this
i long to be with company, yet i long to be alone
those who smirk at my ire are ruthless
heartless beings that matter none to me, eternity
their cruelty catches me not, i fly onward
brash you may call me, but then you have not called
so stuff your nonsensicalness and be through with me
for i was long before finished with you
i digress, i come to the end of this rant
it sounds angry i know, but it is laced with certain truth
i will go on, with or without, i will go, though i might fall
i will indeed fly before the end, i tell you, i will fly
12/16/2005
jacob marley are you there?
the countenances of the saints brood quietly over me
i know not who is there, save some peaceful specter
i look for reason for purpose but there can be none
in this realm of the mysterious, i know only a vanilla world
so these wraiths around me are watching, waiting
but for what? my curiosity kills neither i nor them
my eyes are tired; i cannot close them for they are dry
with the ceaseless petitions of the visual universe
surely no vessel can pass through here
for the tears that once flowed here have faded
tis such a lot of the worst, a deep sadness of heart
for through emotion flowed life; heart and soul
11/10/2005
david is dead, jonathan... or are you?
expectations in those closest to you set with the sun
as time goes by, no one remembers save for yourself
everyone forgets before your very eyes
they change their mind, they split away, they ignore
you scream and yell to bring them back
yet they keep on moving further and further away
you love and lose and love again
only to lose the final battle, a final blow to the head
alliances made, allies lost; no one lives forever
jonathan waited only to die, now david is alone
what is there left after all is said and gone
but a white flag, tattered and small, waiving
pain left long before, as the numbing set in
for to hurt was to feel, and feeling was the first to go
there are no more mountains to climb
there are no more rivers to cross
i remain ten years of age, no matter what i try
i see things the way i did then, loyalty is still first
i watch as those who once stood beside me divert
i know nothing will remain forever
but where did my david go, for our time was cut short
i thought i still had so much to learn, to glean
my humanness only complicates matters more
for i see things in a childish manner, a lens of loyalty
i once ventured down a stream,
but i like a salmon made the rigorous journey home
i was gone for a little while, but was it really that long
from my child like perspective it was a fleeting moment
bonds are broken faster than they are made
sarcasm and cynicism are more common than love
a sick sense of humor has perverted the air
and i am suffocating on the ignorance of others
i unlike the rest fail to despair, i decide to be happy
i am told, i do not know the difficulties of life
but i assure you i have earned my grey hairs
oh no, i am not invincible, i shall perish some day
i however have chosen to remain on the path of bonds
whether those who were originally contracted remain
for i cannot forsake such ties, what i thought to be real
but i cannot condemn either, as i am also human
my reality is made evermore clear to me daily
it seems as though providence is giving me a glimpse
people have been such a motivating force in decisions
and i suppose that they shall continue to be
beauty has been another factor i will admit
and i fear i have not chosen it enough times
my earth craving soul has spoken out, though
and i would do well to pay attention to that calling
the matrix is more real than ever before
apparitions of people are moved in and out of my view
computerized personalities come in and out of my life
for when the time counts, the cold air is my companion
of course there is providence who remains
but i sense a sadness in the presence
for a great commandment is spat upon daily
by a mass of spirits entrusted to live out a human life
finally, peace is a spiritual matter of integrity
that is to say it is not some physical presence of an idea
the word has been hijacked, corrupted beyond measure
it is a travesty, the selfishness that people now embrace
how dare anyone criticize anyone but themselves
for the lack of what they think of as peace on earth
i wonder how providence might look upon their lives
both past and present and future for that matter
with all of this said, i am still surrounded by people
wonderful people who love, but the number shrinks
to coin a phrase, i am a big fish in a small pond
and i will venture out from this place someday
relationships seem to come and go with the wind
but the bonds of covenant are strong
i now go back into the world, to show love
with providence as my guide, my covenant
10/27/2005
A Tribute...
This mass of unorganized thought is all I can offer...
Here is a tribute to a man who I did not have the pleasure of knowing. At least personally, for I have been introduced to his spirit through others.
Through a man named Luke, I have met a great teacher and friend. I pray the blessings of peace and comfort from the Almighty upon all who have been touched by this man who has departed us. I recall something that I wrote when my high school Bible teacher was killed last January...
Oh teacher, time was stolen from you and yours
Your heart was quieted before its time
Tho' I know that the Father has called you home
Farewell to thee, oh blessed man who loved
I am shocked by the applicability that this has to the current tragedy. My heart hurts for my hurting friends, especially dear Luke. I am thankful, though, that I have come to know this departed man's kindness and love. Everything that I have heard about him has been made manifest within our loving brother Luke. He lives a legacy of his father's goodness through his own. My heart cries for you, my brother, and I am sincerely praying for your and your family's peace and comfort. May the God of Peace which passes all understanding surround your hearts with comfort. I leave you with this prayer:
God, hear my prayer,
And let my cry come to You.
Do not hide from me in the day of my distress
Turn to me and speedily answer my prayer.
Eternal God, Source of healing,
Out of my distress I call upon You.
Help me sense Your presence
At this difficult time.
Grant me patience when the hours are heavy;
In hurt or disappointment give me courage.
Keep me trustful in Your love.
Give me strength for today, and hope for tomorrow.
To your loving hands I commit my spirit
When asleep and when awake. You are with me; I shall not fear.
10/16/2005
loyalties lost...
as i am reading a favorite book of mine, i find myself thinking much about the society in which we live. it is my belief that we now find ourselves in a time in which the human bonds of old no longer reside. let me expand. in ancient times, it was considered a great honor to come and dine at another's table. when a man invited his neighbor to dinner, it was considered to be a great honor and a mark of friendship. from then on, they would have a relationship which was built upon trust and honor. so out of obligation, the two would then continue life while still being concerned for each other.
i fear that we have lost these bonds today. in the present day, 'tis no matter if the bonds of friendship are broken. one can simply cease to acknowledge his former bond with a friend, and people silently part to go their separate ways. what a pity. the least that could happen if the two were about to part is a final handshake or acknowledgement of the parting, but to simply cower out of the relationship is plain stupid. unfortunately these mangled things we call friendships today represent the society in which we live: non-committal, superficial, and very temporary.
why has this happened? well, i tend to think it is because we no longer need people, or god for that matter. we have so much stuff to satisfy our needs of loneliness that we could certainly replace any friend, family member, or god with a number of gizmos and gadgets that could take our cares away. all hail the ipod, a refuge for many. some might disagree with my opinion so far, but i will offer some evidence that i think suggests that i am right.
in the past twenty-five years, playing cards as a social activity is down 25 percent (Putnam, Bowling Alone, 102-5). Going to bars, nightclubs, and taverns is down 40 percent (101). Full service restaurants have decreased 25 percent, and the number of bars (including coffee) and bistros has decreased 50 percent, but fast food outlets have increased 100 percent (102). Having a social evening with an actual neighbor is down 33 percent (105). Attendance at social clubs and meetings (such as B.P.O. Elks, Shriners, etc.) is down 58 percent (www.bowlingalone.com). Family dinners are down by 33 percent (Putnam, Bowling Alone, 98, 100, 102-5). Having friends over to one's home is down by 45 percent (www.bowlingalone.com). in the period ranging from 1980 to 1993, bowling was actually up 10 percent, but the number of bowling leagues decreased 40 percent, as people now prefer to bowl alone (Putnam, Bowling Alone, 112-13).
the above statistics are mentioned in mark driscoll's the radical reformission. what these stats show is that america prefers to be alone. nobody wants to be around others anymore. no one wants to put effort or emotion into his relationships. so america doesn't need friends. we certainly don't need family. why then do we need god? we don't. we don't need him, or anything he has to offer. the songs on our ipod do not require anything from us, and we can get lost in the free emotion that the songs give to us. we don't have to put anything in. we live in such an experiential service based society, that all of our needs (physical, mental, and spiritual) can be met in a starbucks! we don't have to grow the beans, we don't have to harvest the beans, we don't have to brew the coffee, we don't have to serve ourselves, and we don't have to own nice leather furniture surrounded by a bright inspiring environment with cute little tables and rich aromas and great music. we can now order up that scene where person is sitting by the fire with a glass of wine and a good book and a nice blanket while we are on our lunch break from work!
i wish things were different. i wish that we had to put some work into the products we receive. i wish we actually had to visit the grocer and speak to him to let him know that we need to order an extra gallon of milk next week. i wish that we actually had to get off our lazy asses and go visit a friend rather than give an unimpressive courtesy call. i wish that we actually had to speak to god, rather than rely on our church experience to take care of that little issue. granted i am thankful for myspace, as it has reunited me with some old friends, but i do not want it to replace my lines of physical communication with my friends and family. a myspace message can never do justice to a handwritten letter that has carefully been passed by the hands of many to reach its recipient. technology has invaded our society and yes, there are many benefits to it.
i guess the point i am trying to make in all of this is that we don't need each other anymore. we don't need each other because we can get therapy or we can get help from support groups, which only exist because people do not have personal relationships anymore. alcoholics anonymous. can i say any more? even the support groups are on a need to know basis, and they don't want all of your personal information. they just want to address your problem so they can fix it, and send you on your merry way! we need to get personal, people. the church is dying if you haven't noticed and if you don't think that this new desire to be alone at home (where one can have his own church and his own relationship with god, etc....) is not going to make things worse in the coming years, you need to think again. i am not pleading for the church. i am not pleading for me. i am pleading for the sake of humanity that we follow the second most important commandment! how are we to love others if we don't need to be around them, or if we are simply not going to be around them? if we love christ, then we need to show that we love christ to someone other than our ipods. i’m not dogging ipods either, don't get sidetracked by that, i am simply making a point.
i need to wrap this up. in the coming days, i am going to try to live like someone who wants and needs others. i am not going to try to establish myself as the person who is just fine being alone. i am not going to be that great achiever who forsook his friends for success. rather, i am going to show people that i want and need them. i am going to show them that i am here for them as well, and they could use me. i am going to show true friendship, and i will build those true friendships with those who accept it. i am going to surround myself with those who think similarly; because the only way this will work is if those around me do the same. someday, i hope to see a true community that reflects true love. i suppose i could be wrong on all of this. i suppose that we could be built to survive by ourselves, not needing others. i suppose that we could have evolved into a culture that does not need anything from anyone, so long as it is not a good or service that will immediately satisfy. i could be wrong. but if i am, then i am going down in flames because i am going to invest fully in this, and i will not turn back. if the africans are sending missionaries to america because we are in such spiritual dilemma, then the least i can do is sign up to help them. there it is. the ships are burning and there is no turning back for me. i need you, people, and i think you need me. that is not a bad thing, but it is what god intended. let's do something about it.
i fear that we have lost these bonds today. in the present day, 'tis no matter if the bonds of friendship are broken. one can simply cease to acknowledge his former bond with a friend, and people silently part to go their separate ways. what a pity. the least that could happen if the two were about to part is a final handshake or acknowledgement of the parting, but to simply cower out of the relationship is plain stupid. unfortunately these mangled things we call friendships today represent the society in which we live: non-committal, superficial, and very temporary.
why has this happened? well, i tend to think it is because we no longer need people, or god for that matter. we have so much stuff to satisfy our needs of loneliness that we could certainly replace any friend, family member, or god with a number of gizmos and gadgets that could take our cares away. all hail the ipod, a refuge for many. some might disagree with my opinion so far, but i will offer some evidence that i think suggests that i am right.
in the past twenty-five years, playing cards as a social activity is down 25 percent (Putnam, Bowling Alone, 102-5). Going to bars, nightclubs, and taverns is down 40 percent (101). Full service restaurants have decreased 25 percent, and the number of bars (including coffee) and bistros has decreased 50 percent, but fast food outlets have increased 100 percent (102). Having a social evening with an actual neighbor is down 33 percent (105). Attendance at social clubs and meetings (such as B.P.O. Elks, Shriners, etc.) is down 58 percent (www.bowlingalone.com). Family dinners are down by 33 percent (Putnam, Bowling Alone, 98, 100, 102-5). Having friends over to one's home is down by 45 percent (www.bowlingalone.com). in the period ranging from 1980 to 1993, bowling was actually up 10 percent, but the number of bowling leagues decreased 40 percent, as people now prefer to bowl alone (Putnam, Bowling Alone, 112-13).
the above statistics are mentioned in mark driscoll's the radical reformission. what these stats show is that america prefers to be alone. nobody wants to be around others anymore. no one wants to put effort or emotion into his relationships. so america doesn't need friends. we certainly don't need family. why then do we need god? we don't. we don't need him, or anything he has to offer. the songs on our ipod do not require anything from us, and we can get lost in the free emotion that the songs give to us. we don't have to put anything in. we live in such an experiential service based society, that all of our needs (physical, mental, and spiritual) can be met in a starbucks! we don't have to grow the beans, we don't have to harvest the beans, we don't have to brew the coffee, we don't have to serve ourselves, and we don't have to own nice leather furniture surrounded by a bright inspiring environment with cute little tables and rich aromas and great music. we can now order up that scene where person is sitting by the fire with a glass of wine and a good book and a nice blanket while we are on our lunch break from work!
i wish things were different. i wish that we had to put some work into the products we receive. i wish we actually had to visit the grocer and speak to him to let him know that we need to order an extra gallon of milk next week. i wish that we actually had to get off our lazy asses and go visit a friend rather than give an unimpressive courtesy call. i wish that we actually had to speak to god, rather than rely on our church experience to take care of that little issue. granted i am thankful for myspace, as it has reunited me with some old friends, but i do not want it to replace my lines of physical communication with my friends and family. a myspace message can never do justice to a handwritten letter that has carefully been passed by the hands of many to reach its recipient. technology has invaded our society and yes, there are many benefits to it.
i guess the point i am trying to make in all of this is that we don't need each other anymore. we don't need each other because we can get therapy or we can get help from support groups, which only exist because people do not have personal relationships anymore. alcoholics anonymous. can i say any more? even the support groups are on a need to know basis, and they don't want all of your personal information. they just want to address your problem so they can fix it, and send you on your merry way! we need to get personal, people. the church is dying if you haven't noticed and if you don't think that this new desire to be alone at home (where one can have his own church and his own relationship with god, etc....) is not going to make things worse in the coming years, you need to think again. i am not pleading for the church. i am not pleading for me. i am pleading for the sake of humanity that we follow the second most important commandment! how are we to love others if we don't need to be around them, or if we are simply not going to be around them? if we love christ, then we need to show that we love christ to someone other than our ipods. i’m not dogging ipods either, don't get sidetracked by that, i am simply making a point.
i need to wrap this up. in the coming days, i am going to try to live like someone who wants and needs others. i am not going to try to establish myself as the person who is just fine being alone. i am not going to be that great achiever who forsook his friends for success. rather, i am going to show people that i want and need them. i am going to show them that i am here for them as well, and they could use me. i am going to show true friendship, and i will build those true friendships with those who accept it. i am going to surround myself with those who think similarly; because the only way this will work is if those around me do the same. someday, i hope to see a true community that reflects true love. i suppose i could be wrong on all of this. i suppose that we could be built to survive by ourselves, not needing others. i suppose that we could have evolved into a culture that does not need anything from anyone, so long as it is not a good or service that will immediately satisfy. i could be wrong. but if i am, then i am going down in flames because i am going to invest fully in this, and i will not turn back. if the africans are sending missionaries to america because we are in such spiritual dilemma, then the least i can do is sign up to help them. there it is. the ships are burning and there is no turning back for me. i need you, people, and i think you need me. that is not a bad thing, but it is what god intended. let's do something about it.
10/15/2005
thoughts during homework...
whereas providence has led me to this point
i have still been allowed to pursue life freely
tho i choose not that which is new, surprising,
i still choose freely and without reserve
perhaps i should have more reserve in decisions
but i suppose that my ponerance here already exemplifies
i cannot know which path will lead to utopia
i can rather trust that utopia is not found without providence
i have still been allowed to pursue life freely
tho i choose not that which is new, surprising,
i still choose freely and without reserve
perhaps i should have more reserve in decisions
but i suppose that my ponerance here already exemplifies
i cannot know which path will lead to utopia
i can rather trust that utopia is not found without providence
10/13/2005
we exist in this world...
so we exist in this world
to experience? to live? to learn? to love?
it seems so superficial sometimes
but i trust that someday i might see the point
but what is there besides love
what can exist besides the basis for human existence?
i know not the answerbut i fear it lies in the heart of experience
at what point do we cave to life?
when do we make a conscious effort to realize
that we can do nothing for ourselves
only providence and other loves can truly affect us
mind boggling this seems
almost too philosophically elite
but i have made an honest observation
that love is the cornerstone, yet it is also a crux
10/03/2005
news or twinkies...
blah blah blah... i am sure you have had enough (as have i). who cares, right? after all, nothing matters because there is no truth. everyone is right and everyone is wrong... then why does the media drag it out so? if they are the ones spearheading this existentialist movement, why would they seem to care? ah, now we have arrived at the million dollar question! and it really does have to do with millions of dollars. i do not care from where you get your "news" but i have news for you--it's not real. that is, news today is a product, marketed like twinkies to appeal to the public. the public will not buy the wholesome story of the johnsons saving their neighbors home in the hurricane, but rather the public (mob) wants death! give us gore and give us more! just like rome, we want to see someone slashed beyond recognition! oh the blood, the carnage, it gives me an appetite! who is selling you your news today? how has it been marketed to appeal to you? what has appealed to you? if you cannot come to this realization of this FACT (oh yes, that's right, an absolute--be very scared) then you are blind and i pity your ignorance. news companies own the networks, people! they own the tv shows you love! so, in turn, they sell commercials to be able to air and make money off of their networks. it is really quite simple. news companies pay actors to make sitcoms, etc. for their networks in order to attract crowds to those networks. the advertiser invests based on how many people watch a given show, and then the news company gets their money. in the end, news is a product aimed for unsuspecting you! and for those of you who get your news from some supposedly unbiased or unconnected network or group, such as foxnews or some fringe muslim informative group, you are still stuck with bad news i'm afraid. your "unbiased" group is putting forth news with the idea that everyone else is wrong and that their perspective is correct. oops, there goes the objectivity again. it seems the only way to get your news is to experience it for yourself, or glean from everything (and by everything, i mean a cross cut of all newsgroups, fringe, right wing, left wing, actual transcripts, ap, etc...-not just all of the groups from one perspective) that is said in order to make a well informed decision. good luck on it either way, but know that people like me will call you out when you start professing a companies product as the ultimate truth. and speaking of truth, the existentialists out there should check out my last blog post. cheers.
10/02/2005
a blessing
may still waters pass through your life
may storm winds turn from your direction
may the wild goose gently brush its feathers upon you
peace, peace, peace and grace
may storm winds turn from your direction
may the wild goose gently brush its feathers upon you
peace, peace, peace and grace
9/08/2005
open the wound and the accusers shall fall...
i have received several responses to my last blogs about the hurricane subject, so i will continue on this path for a time. what we have seen here is a complete lack of anyone taking any personal responsibility for themselves in these last two weeks. for those of you out there who still blame bush for the world war II, slavery in the U.S., the shooting of Abe Lincoln, and every natural disaster that has ever occurred on our fair planet, let me assure you that you have gotten your way! we will have a full scale investigation into the "faults" and "irresponsibilities" of the hurricane disaster!!! Pres. Bush announced that we will have a committee to fully investigate all aspects of government involved in the issue! you might ask why i am happy about that... well friends, it is because pres. bush knows as well as all of us who actually do our own researching of facts, not just rhetoric, that the local governments in new orleans and in LA in general have been "cooking the books" on the monies that the fed government has been sending there for years. the same senators and congressmen have been serving there for years, so they will have to take responsibility for whatever is to come from the investigation. you will not be surprised to find that all of these folks are democrats, because who else would be pointing fingers on the day of a major disaster instead of figuring out how to rescue people. i say the fed government responded fast. two weeks and over 200k people saved, i think they are pretty happy don't you? what was the state doing to save its people? and don't say, "oh the poor state of LA couldn't help itself," because that is just plain ignorance. no, instead, like clockwork (and you can check this on the LA website and most major news sites right now) all of the mostly democratic districts are still in a state of chaos, whereas the republican districst were cleaning up on the first day because they actually implemented plans and neighbors helped neighbors and put personal effort into helping themselves. none of this is surprising. if the roof is caving in, would you sit on your butt and wait for the feds to rescue you? good luck, i like living personally.
in all, these "investigations" which of course every senator has been advocating after the fact (hindsight is always 20/15) will only show the incompetence of the state officials who are in charge of directing federally allocated funds to the levies. where did thoses monies go? millions of dollars not going to the levies but to other state projects? where? by the way, if you have a problem with any of these facts i am pushing, i will ask you to visit the FEMA website as well as the federal government spending logs of the past five years where you will find that of course George Bush has allocated more funds to LA's flood control systems than any other president! i love it, these days you can expect the real facts to be the polar opposite of what any liberal says. real integrity lost.
9/06/2005
Some more thoughts on the hurricane...
This is LONDON06/09/05 - News section
Penn accuses Bush amid rescue chaos
The US government was accused of "criminal negligence" as hopes of finding survivors faded and the death toll from Hurricane Katrina continued to rise.Holidaymakers returning to the UK spoke of the scale of the misery while one said leering police officers demanded young women flash their breasts in return for help.Oscar-winning Hollywood actor Sean Penn, who has been assisting rescue efforts in New Orleans, said the US government did not "seem to be inclined to help"."We were pulling drowning people out of the water, it's the ultimate distress and human suffering ... dead bodies," he told GMTV.Penn said he had spent nine hours on Monday searching the water for people and during all that time he saw just three boats carrying US officials."There are people that are dying right now and I mean babies and old people and everybody in between - they're dying. There are people dying and (the US government are) not putting the boats in the water, I think that's criminal negligence. I don't think anybody ever anticipated the criminal negligence of the Bush administration in this situation."The US authorities were also castigated by British bus driver Ged Scott, from Wallasey, Merseyside, who was on holiday in the New Orleans area.He stayed in the Ramada Hotel during and after the devastation with his wife, Sandra, and seven-year-old son Ronan. At one stage, Mr Scott, 36, had to wade through filthy water to barricade the hotel doors against looters.He told the Liverpool Daily Post: "I couldn't describe how bad the authorities were. Just little things like taking photographs of us, as we are standing on the roof waving for help, for their own little snapshot albums."At one point, there were a load of girls on the roof of the hotel saying 'Can you help us?' and the policemen said 'Show us what you've got' and made signs for them to lift their T-shirts. When the girls refused, they said 'Fine' and motored off down the road in their boat."
---END---
--Right, and Jeff Spicoli is the acting voice of what is criminal... that is laughable. also, i guess these days the only way to boost your movie career or your celebrity is to attack someone else or something else and "get noticed" for your "humble" acts of goodness. mr. penn needs to stop pretending he's an educated man because he makes those of us who have worked hard on our education and who have spent our limited dollars on our education look stupid and arrogant. does he know what the word "criminal" means? in fact, i would venture to say that mr. penn has probably done several things in his life deserving of jail time, with regard to the ACTUAL law! this bush hating is so annoying. i don't like everything he does, but then he's human, so of course he is not perfect. but i get so sick of people hijacking an issue (like the hurricane) and then prostituting themselves all over the media with a huge hate hate hate agenda. well, abc news this last weekend proved that we as america don't care what celbrities hate or who. in fact, even the news media has not been able to place the blame of bad weather on gw, which they should have easily been able to do since we know that gw hates black people and asked God to send down his fire on the black part of new orleans. i guess that means we better fear gw rather than hate him, since he is, you know, the right hand of God? laughable at most. all laughable.
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++NY
Times Blasts New Orleans flood control
$$$The Corner-Media Blog ^ 9/2/05 Stephen Spruiell
Posted on 09/02/2005 6:53:59 PM PDT by chiller
Yesterday the New York Times editorial board wrote a fire-breathing editorial that for almost 24 hours ranked as the "most-discussed story" on Technorati and the "most e-mailed article" on nytimes.com. The board wrote that "George W. Bush gave one of the worst speeches of his life yesterday." Instead of "consolation and wisdom," the President offered "a long laundry list of pounds of ice, generators and blankets delivered to the stricken Gulf Coast." The board went on to offer a long laundry list of angry accusations. The editorial board doubted that Bush "understood the depth of the current crisis" — unlike the wizened board, which had been following the crisis on CNN. The editorial built up to this penultimate paragraph: While our attention must now be on the Gulf Coast's most immediate needs, the nation will soon ask why New Orleans's levees remained so inadequate. Publications from the local newspaper to National Geographic have fulminated about the bad state of flood protection in this beloved city, which is below sea level. Why were developers permitted to destroy wetlands and barrier islands that could have held back the hurricane's surge? Why was Congress, before it wandered off to vacation, engaged in slashing the budget for correcting some of the gaping holes in the area's flood protection? Good question. Maybe because Congress listened to the NY Times editorial board in April of 2005: Anyone who cares about responsible budgeting and the health of America's rivers and wetlands should pay attention to a bill now before the Senate Committee on Environment and Public Works. The bill would shovel $17 billion at the Army Corps of Engineers for flood control and other water-related projects — this at a time when President Bush is asking for major cuts in Medicaid and other important domestic programs. Among these projects is a $2.7 billion boondoggle on the Mississippi River that has twice flunked inspection by the National Academy of Sciences... [snip]
---END---
--must i add to this or does it speak for the hypocrisy itself. the schizophrenic NY Times defeats itself in yet another foot and mouth story. Lesson: Elitests will not get the better of America.
Penn accuses Bush amid rescue chaos
The US government was accused of "criminal negligence" as hopes of finding survivors faded and the death toll from Hurricane Katrina continued to rise.Holidaymakers returning to the UK spoke of the scale of the misery while one said leering police officers demanded young women flash their breasts in return for help.Oscar-winning Hollywood actor Sean Penn, who has been assisting rescue efforts in New Orleans, said the US government did not "seem to be inclined to help"."We were pulling drowning people out of the water, it's the ultimate distress and human suffering ... dead bodies," he told GMTV.Penn said he had spent nine hours on Monday searching the water for people and during all that time he saw just three boats carrying US officials."There are people that are dying right now and I mean babies and old people and everybody in between - they're dying. There are people dying and (the US government are) not putting the boats in the water, I think that's criminal negligence. I don't think anybody ever anticipated the criminal negligence of the Bush administration in this situation."The US authorities were also castigated by British bus driver Ged Scott, from Wallasey, Merseyside, who was on holiday in the New Orleans area.He stayed in the Ramada Hotel during and after the devastation with his wife, Sandra, and seven-year-old son Ronan. At one stage, Mr Scott, 36, had to wade through filthy water to barricade the hotel doors against looters.He told the Liverpool Daily Post: "I couldn't describe how bad the authorities were. Just little things like taking photographs of us, as we are standing on the roof waving for help, for their own little snapshot albums."At one point, there were a load of girls on the roof of the hotel saying 'Can you help us?' and the policemen said 'Show us what you've got' and made signs for them to lift their T-shirts. When the girls refused, they said 'Fine' and motored off down the road in their boat."
---END---
--Right, and Jeff Spicoli is the acting voice of what is criminal... that is laughable. also, i guess these days the only way to boost your movie career or your celebrity is to attack someone else or something else and "get noticed" for your "humble" acts of goodness. mr. penn needs to stop pretending he's an educated man because he makes those of us who have worked hard on our education and who have spent our limited dollars on our education look stupid and arrogant. does he know what the word "criminal" means? in fact, i would venture to say that mr. penn has probably done several things in his life deserving of jail time, with regard to the ACTUAL law! this bush hating is so annoying. i don't like everything he does, but then he's human, so of course he is not perfect. but i get so sick of people hijacking an issue (like the hurricane) and then prostituting themselves all over the media with a huge hate hate hate agenda. well, abc news this last weekend proved that we as america don't care what celbrities hate or who. in fact, even the news media has not been able to place the blame of bad weather on gw, which they should have easily been able to do since we know that gw hates black people and asked God to send down his fire on the black part of new orleans. i guess that means we better fear gw rather than hate him, since he is, you know, the right hand of God? laughable at most. all laughable.
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++NY
Times Blasts New Orleans flood control
$$$The Corner-Media Blog ^ 9/2/05 Stephen Spruiell
Posted on 09/02/2005 6:53:59 PM PDT by chiller
Yesterday the New York Times editorial board wrote a fire-breathing editorial that for almost 24 hours ranked as the "most-discussed story" on Technorati and the "most e-mailed article" on nytimes.com. The board wrote that "George W. Bush gave one of the worst speeches of his life yesterday." Instead of "consolation and wisdom," the President offered "a long laundry list of pounds of ice, generators and blankets delivered to the stricken Gulf Coast." The board went on to offer a long laundry list of angry accusations. The editorial board doubted that Bush "understood the depth of the current crisis" — unlike the wizened board, which had been following the crisis on CNN. The editorial built up to this penultimate paragraph: While our attention must now be on the Gulf Coast's most immediate needs, the nation will soon ask why New Orleans's levees remained so inadequate. Publications from the local newspaper to National Geographic have fulminated about the bad state of flood protection in this beloved city, which is below sea level. Why were developers permitted to destroy wetlands and barrier islands that could have held back the hurricane's surge? Why was Congress, before it wandered off to vacation, engaged in slashing the budget for correcting some of the gaping holes in the area's flood protection? Good question. Maybe because Congress listened to the NY Times editorial board in April of 2005: Anyone who cares about responsible budgeting and the health of America's rivers and wetlands should pay attention to a bill now before the Senate Committee on Environment and Public Works. The bill would shovel $17 billion at the Army Corps of Engineers for flood control and other water-related projects — this at a time when President Bush is asking for major cuts in Medicaid and other important domestic programs. Among these projects is a $2.7 billion boondoggle on the Mississippi River that has twice flunked inspection by the National Academy of Sciences... [snip]
---END---
--must i add to this or does it speak for the hypocrisy itself. the schizophrenic NY Times defeats itself in yet another foot and mouth story. Lesson: Elitests will not get the better of America.
9/05/2005
A Call For Decency
Paul writes to us through two thousand years of church and world history. Christian love must be without hypocrisy. Pure love, not social love. Cleansed from self. Let God love through us. We must hate evil, not simply fearing the consequences. We must have a "family love" for others, all are our brother. None are strangers. Honor above thyself. The mark of true Christianity should be humility. Care for one another. Courage enough to say "I am sorry." Courage to profess being a follower of Christ. Our relationship with God depends on our talking to Him. Do not curse but correct with love that does not have an agenda.
...The above piece is a transcription of a combination of a recently professed sermon along with some great thoughts that followed the oration.
...The above piece is a transcription of a combination of a recently professed sermon along with some great thoughts that followed the oration.
9/03/2005
hurricane hissy fit...
i have a deep hurt and concern for the people affected by last week's hurricane. i do not, however, sympathize with any newscaster, newspaper, or any other media's effort in this matter. the media has gone completely crazy during this time and they are responsible for unwarranted anger popping up around the country.
last time i checked, we do not get what we want by throwing a fit. and last time i checked, people used to be grateful for a helping hand, they did not ask, "where the hell have you been?" i am so sick of stupid americans acting like it is the government's job to take care of them! it is not, read the constitution! protection is different from babying... also, for those of you who think bush is to blame for the hurricane, or that he is to blame because our forces are in iraq not new orleans, i will tell you to your face that you are ignorant and childish. if you are going to try and blame weather conditions on a man (for global warming or any other purposes) then you are living in a dream world! get it together and grow up! also, there are other cities in this nation. the federal government could send all of the national guard to new orleans at once, but then what would we do if some great tragedy happened in another city? all of you gripers out there would complain again that forces did not come fast enough!
the tsunami did so much more damage but we are going to hell and a hand basket over this hurricane thing because people can blame bush and bring up iraq again. i am so sick of hearing about it. get over it!!! god bless the hurricane victims, but god have mercy on the ones who defied the authority which tried to protect them and stayed behind and are now looting and pillaging. also, to those of you out there who are capitalizing on this as another venue to hate bush and the iraq war, may god have mercy on you too for your selfishness and stupidity. finally, i condemn the gasoline industry for not acting fairly in this matter and overcharging out of fear, not necessity (the gasoline industry profits greatly while everyone else has meager profits).
i know i come across as harsh in this piece, but no one else is voicing anything about the mistreatment, disrespect, and hatred being condoned by the american media for reasons unwarranted. i have known several people that have experienced extreme tragedy in their lives, and they at no time treated anyone as have some of the people of new orleans that the news has depicted. my friends all expressed gratefulness. hopefully, the news is just at it again to hate bush, etc. and hopefully they have just been abusing their power yet again to fabricate the truth. that is all i have to say on this matter. hopefully, future americans won't be as selfish as the generations before us are proving to be.
last time i checked, we do not get what we want by throwing a fit. and last time i checked, people used to be grateful for a helping hand, they did not ask, "where the hell have you been?" i am so sick of stupid americans acting like it is the government's job to take care of them! it is not, read the constitution! protection is different from babying... also, for those of you who think bush is to blame for the hurricane, or that he is to blame because our forces are in iraq not new orleans, i will tell you to your face that you are ignorant and childish. if you are going to try and blame weather conditions on a man (for global warming or any other purposes) then you are living in a dream world! get it together and grow up! also, there are other cities in this nation. the federal government could send all of the national guard to new orleans at once, but then what would we do if some great tragedy happened in another city? all of you gripers out there would complain again that forces did not come fast enough!
the tsunami did so much more damage but we are going to hell and a hand basket over this hurricane thing because people can blame bush and bring up iraq again. i am so sick of hearing about it. get over it!!! god bless the hurricane victims, but god have mercy on the ones who defied the authority which tried to protect them and stayed behind and are now looting and pillaging. also, to those of you out there who are capitalizing on this as another venue to hate bush and the iraq war, may god have mercy on you too for your selfishness and stupidity. finally, i condemn the gasoline industry for not acting fairly in this matter and overcharging out of fear, not necessity (the gasoline industry profits greatly while everyone else has meager profits).
i know i come across as harsh in this piece, but no one else is voicing anything about the mistreatment, disrespect, and hatred being condoned by the american media for reasons unwarranted. i have known several people that have experienced extreme tragedy in their lives, and they at no time treated anyone as have some of the people of new orleans that the news has depicted. my friends all expressed gratefulness. hopefully, the news is just at it again to hate bush, etc. and hopefully they have just been abusing their power yet again to fabricate the truth. that is all i have to say on this matter. hopefully, future americans won't be as selfish as the generations before us are proving to be.
8/17/2005
pompous arrogance...
so i have been frustrated about a speaker that i listened to a few days ago. he was one of those really "motivated" speakers--really charismatic, but very unorganized. he would jump from one point to another... it was almost as if he was trying to get all of his talking points in before they shut off his mic. what he had to say was alright. it was one of those classic morally motivational speeches that is used as a device to influence people to make good decisions. who am i kidding; his speech was trying to get people to not make bad decisions. he did not spend any time on making some great decisions like helping the homeless, talking to a friend, or expressing relentless kindness toward others. unfortunately, many evangelical speakers i have encountered are this way. he also quoted a verse out of the bible, using it completely out of its original context so that it would fit his own disheveled thesis. all in all, it was a painful time to sit through. i hope that some of my new friends who were also there do not take him too seriously, for he was full of confidence and haphazard semi-factual ideas yet he mentioned not one basic principle to display. i fear more and more that the evangelical world has distanced themselves too far from their anglican roots and apostolic succession. it is amazing how quickly bad theology can rear its ugly head.
3/30/2005
tis a rareity that i post another's work in my own outlet,
but today, Joni Mitchell says it best...
"tears and fears and feeling proud
to say i love you right out loud
dreams and schemes and circus crowds
i've looked at life that way"
"oh, but now old friends, they're acting strange
and they shake their heads, and they tell me that i've changed
well something's lost, but something's gained
in living ev'ry day"
"oh, i've looked at life from both sides now
from win and lose, and still somehow
it's life's illusions i recall
i really don't know life
at all..."
but today, Joni Mitchell says it best...
"tears and fears and feeling proud
to say i love you right out loud
dreams and schemes and circus crowds
i've looked at life that way"
"oh, but now old friends, they're acting strange
and they shake their heads, and they tell me that i've changed
well something's lost, but something's gained
in living ev'ry day"
"oh, i've looked at life from both sides now
from win and lose, and still somehow
it's life's illusions i recall
i really don't know life
at all..."
3/29/2005
love is just a game
it makes us simple fools
we play our cards and we wait
for ours to trump another's fate
passion tricks a heart of love
lovers trick each other too
happiness pursued in vain
is all this dreaming worth the pain
dreamer, dreamer how i love you
trust and place your hand in mine
dreamer, dreamer dream your best
we can only slow down time
trust and place your hand in mine
dream on, dream on dreamer
dreaming in your reverie
dream on, dream on dreamer
hope is in the dream
it makes us simple fools
we play our cards and we wait
for ours to trump another's fate
passion tricks a heart of love
lovers trick each other too
happiness pursued in vain
is all this dreaming worth the pain
dreamer, dreamer how i love you
trust and place your hand in mine
dreamer, dreamer dream your best
we can only slow down time
trust and place your hand in mine
dream on, dream on dreamer
dreaming in your reverie
dream on, dream on dreamer
hope is in the dream
3/19/2005
it is here, it is here
the day of my origin has arrived in full
i am now grown another full year
i am leaving awful twenty-two behind
thanks to my friends who are dear
both in the physical and in such places as this
for you are strengths for living
and life breath which sustains me
i shall progress through life, i guess
and with purpose shall i walk
for i despair in aimless wander
but delight in the peace of providence
it is here, it is here, it will be gone tomorrow
this time shall pass and time will move on with haste
but my memory, these words, these people, loved ones
preserved in the archives of passing moments for eternity
it shall be a happy birthday indeed
the day of my origin has arrived in full
i am now grown another full year
i am leaving awful twenty-two behind
thanks to my friends who are dear
both in the physical and in such places as this
for you are strengths for living
and life breath which sustains me
i shall progress through life, i guess
and with purpose shall i walk
for i despair in aimless wander
but delight in the peace of providence
it is here, it is here, it will be gone tomorrow
this time shall pass and time will move on with haste
but my memory, these words, these people, loved ones
preserved in the archives of passing moments for eternity
it shall be a happy birthday indeed
3/18/2005
3/15/2005
3/09/2005
3/05/2005
3/02/2005
2/28/2005
2/27/2005
2/25/2005
2/22/2005
2/19/2005
i miss you.
i miss your smile.
i miss your laughs.
i miss your tender heart.
i miss your lips.
i miss your arms.
i miss your hands wrapped around mine.
in a distant land, it was possible
but here, we shall perish, for no life exists
we can only grasp what is giv'n us
whether it be by providence or darkness.
i miss your smile.
i miss your laughs.
i miss your tender heart.
i miss your lips.
i miss your arms.
i miss your hands wrapped around mine.
in a distant land, it was possible
but here, we shall perish, for no life exists
we can only grasp what is giv'n us
whether it be by providence or darkness.
2/16/2005
you smile at me with that cutting grin
you do not mean what your face emotes
the fires of hell burn within your very eyes
and pure hatred spills forth from your nostrils
smile at me, little one, smile at me again
for i have come to know that look;
and i shall not be cut down by your ill will
he that communicates hellish fires
is closer to hades than he who is lost
you do not mean what your face emotes
the fires of hell burn within your very eyes
and pure hatred spills forth from your nostrils
smile at me, little one, smile at me again
for i have come to know that look;
and i shall not be cut down by your ill will
he that communicates hellish fires
is closer to hades than he who is lost
2/12/2005
2/11/2005
i have been climbing up this hill for some time now
the path gets smaller and smaller, and it fades into the ground
i do not know why i still pursue this worn road,
but i shant turn my head back, as there is nothing to see
onward, onward toward what is unknown, unknowable?
i fear a battle is ahead, though, and my sword is drawn
the path gets smaller and smaller, and it fades into the ground
i do not know why i still pursue this worn road,
but i shant turn my head back, as there is nothing to see
onward, onward toward what is unknown, unknowable?
i fear a battle is ahead, though, and my sword is drawn
2/06/2005
tear back the slit in the envelope
and you reveal a soft spoken moon in the sky
its glow is peace, and its stature strength
but it is only a glimpse, an inspiration of an instance
the morning glory will steal it all away
and wash away the clues to its existence
so heed fast its lighted ways
and pursue its shine, its luster for the sake of life
and you reveal a soft spoken moon in the sky
its glow is peace, and its stature strength
but it is only a glimpse, an inspiration of an instance
the morning glory will steal it all away
and wash away the clues to its existence
so heed fast its lighted ways
and pursue its shine, its luster for the sake of life
2/03/2005
you have manifested your presence in my life
for that I am ever grateful and that I cherish
time might be scarce, or maybe it will linger
but fate seals our commonality, our connect
in my heart i shall not so easily part
but the essence of logic now dominates my being
some things can be reasoned out of existence
but i assure you, no science can erase this
this 'end' is only the beginning, a step anew
and there is a road ahead, to calm your rising fear
bless you, for your beauty, your care, your compassion
and may peace continually descend upon you
for that I am ever grateful and that I cherish
time might be scarce, or maybe it will linger
but fate seals our commonality, our connect
in my heart i shall not so easily part
but the essence of logic now dominates my being
some things can be reasoned out of existence
but i assure you, no science can erase this
this 'end' is only the beginning, a step anew
and there is a road ahead, to calm your rising fear
bless you, for your beauty, your care, your compassion
and may peace continually descend upon you
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