there is a glimmer

of hope in the distance
though it looks much different than expected
but then again, it's life

i am dry

and water is all around me
yet i cannot drink of it
because it is for "whites only"
and my color does not match

left alone in this burning haze
i do not see myself in the mirror
happiness and elation, distant memories
my greatest fears weigh upon me

i move on; i pick myself up, or drag myself
and pull myself to safety, or so i think
that i used to do often also, not now though
and the harbinger of death gently passes by

drama, drama everywhere, i've had too much to drink
and this passing phase shall end, but not without great loss
where do we go from here? this is not what we expected to be
one cannot appreciate the top until he has seen the utter bottom

cheers.

you say...

you said that this just is not you
yet your actions prove otherwise
i see that you are conflicted, confused
and i hope you find some resolve
not only for your sake,
but for those around you whom are suffering

...

it is not secret, it is not safe
this ring which i has fallen from my finger
my hopes rest in the hands of the stranger
who found my ring and now looks upon it curiously

i wish i could have my ring back
for its security grasped me tightly, with comfort
and now i am naked in an icestorm
with only the blood from my bleeding heart to keep me warm

about cursing...

so i have never actually uttered a person curse before tonight...
that is, i have never said, "damn you" or "f*#$ you" to anyone.
before tonight.
but i had good reason. well, i don't suppose any reason
is a good one to sin; but nonetheless, i did it
and i am admitting it here, before peers, for all to see

to you who i did curse this eve, i apologize;
but i will have no faith in you, trust is lost

it was nice once being your friend.
what happened? did i offend?
i certainly would not have attacked you
in such a force so as to humiliate you.

i hope that you realize that anger did not
dominate me tonight; yet tears, tears of sadness
you inflicted me with the harshest of pain
and words will not stop the tears.

for you have compromised the damn,
you have unleashed the hurt, the pain
you have without reason unleashed hell upon me,
hurt. hurt. hurt. i cannot compose words strong enough.

uhh... you thought i wouldn't find out...

ummm... if perchance you thought i was too stupid to find out
you were mistaken my dear. although i hope you realize
right about now, that i did not utter word one about you.
i hope that digs in, to the deepest of your soul, and if not,
well, you're heartlesssay you're sorry all you want, but i know the truth...
you would not have said it if you were sorry.
let me just try to convey to you the pain you have inflicted
and i seek no apology; for i expect nothing from which is nothing
betrayal, betrayal, such strong words
"such strong words, jack," i was told...
obviously not so very strong that the closest of friends
could utter them at a moment's glance
you have hurt me. congratulations.
i hope you are happy.
i am not.
i am sure that gives you consolation at this point.

i move on

slowly i come to grasp
the truly sad fact of absence, of a void
and i raise an eyebrow and my lip slightly grins
eight days and counting, my head returns
tomorrow i suppose i shall be further along
"further" seems to be a relevant word currently
i can now stand, i think of other things, of tasks
and i look to the dawn on the ninth day, for hope

no change

the morning brings no joy; restitution.
and now off to nowhere.
with no sleep.

whatev...

i fell into your life like rain upon a cobblestone path
my joy was that which threatens to become dangerous
for that i tried to quit you, i turned the other way
then suddenly there we were, and we were there

in a few short days i experienced honest elation
then ultimately i felt the greatest pain of my life
life has come crashing down upon me
and now i am slowly suffocating to death in the rubble

it was such a wonderful present
and now it has been taken back, returned
i knew this was possible, just not so soon
time cut short this journey, and death is apparent

down down, he tumbles, all the way to the ground
he cannot feel anything, for when he does
he only feels the pain of stinging death
ruining him, yet never generous enough to kill him

it is finished

the story has ended, and the ending is sad
my heart longs not to feel, to end itself
i open my eyes and tears fall out
i close them and my soul stings from loss
burn burn, burned
i did not understand before, now...i wish i did not, it cost too much"
and he fell from the mountain top into the far reaches of nothingness"

When you try your best but you don't succeed
When you get what you want but not what you need
When you feel so tired but you can't sleep
Stuck in reverse
And the tears come streaming down your face
When you lose something you can't replace
When you love someone but it goes to waste
Could it be worse?
Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you
And high up above or down below
When you're too in love to let it go
But if you never try you'll never know
Just what you're worth
Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you

peace

what joy has covered my heart
peace flows in a different way
my eyes are settled upon a rock
a true refuge for my being

words cannot be contrived to express my joy
i am in an aweful bliss; a true haven of comfort
my heart flips at the sound of your voice
my soul waits patiently for your embrace

happy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

oh, he approaches the edge and there is water down below
and he knows he will safely land in the cradling arms of the water
soft will be his landing, and joyful will be his future
for he has come to the realization of his most desired dreams

and the sweet sweet caress of the clouds surrounds him
for his bliss is endless, his cares are lost to the wind
he has tasted the gentle lips of honesty
as his thirst for truth has been quenched

oh happy, happy day of goodness, of excitement
what can be as great as this, not the greatest holiday
but truly today his heart heals, the wounds of sorrow mend
grief and disbelief depart him for their grasp is no more

i cannot help but think that there must be some semblance of hope in the future. i seem to always resolve to be positive, though i try my best to be a pessimist. it must have something to do with the music that i am listening to. it always seems to melt my heart. i don't want to talk. about things we've gone through. though it's hurting me. now it's history. i've played all my cards. and that's what you've done too. nothing more to say. no more ace to play. the winner takes it all. the loser's standing small. beside the victory, that's our destiny.
cheers and goodnight.

j

why...

you are tired, you are poor
you are sick, you are cold
you hunger without respite
you forever thirst
yet you will not take the antidote